hi new here I just need an answer from people who are familiar with child behavior? Child abuse?...

[godsmackfan1]

I'm 18. I've decided to stick by the name jessica. I don't plan to stay here long. I just wanted to ask a serious question to other moms? I'm reading conflicting information about child sexual abuse and symptoms. Well it matters to me because I am not sure if I was ever sexually abused or not. I remember when I was a toddler my grandpa throwing me from the recliner and pulling my pants down. I don't remember anythng else after that he could've whipped me for all I know. I remember not wanting him to touch me or talk to him. I had a yeast infection around that time too. But I also was checked when I got older to see if I was a virgin and I am. I'm extremely sensetive not as if ihad sex before. I actually rather not haveintercourse even though I am straight in the sense that I identify as female and am with a guy. But anway, he wasn't the most pleasant guy. He used to yell and curse people out. He didn't have much patience doesn't mean he raped me really. He had a bad history of domestic abuse child abuse and one rape case he was acquitted on. Well the question is on my behavior when I was a little kid. It was extremely sexual. I wanted to have sex with older men boys my age boys younger just really anyone. I masturbated and made my dolls play sex touched other kids inappropiately. I somehow knew kids weren't supposed to act that way even though I had no siblingsor really any children around to know that. I openly was pretending to be oblivious to sex and how I felt about it. I knew this as a toddler. I started puberty at around 6 almost 7. I had other minor symptoms of puberty as early as 4 like growth andoder etc... I don't know if that was the reason. But I read sexual behaviours in toddlers is normal. But I also some of those could indicate sexual abuse. Which is confusing? I mean I guess I'm wondering if my child shows signs of it should I be worried or just think it's genetic? Or will I even know? Since my mom never knew until I told her when I was older. Also I got into puberty early for no reason I'm not overweight never have been and ate as a vegetarian. Idk if it's just myself that grew up faster than everyone else or what? So I have several questions. Is there such a thing as sexual behavior for someone who's experiencing premature puberty? And could someone give me a link of what's normal and what's not for toddlers? Like where to draw the line between normal sexual behavior and sexual abuse in toddlers and young children? Sorry for the awkward question. But I'm confused. Which one would it more likely be the cause puberty or abuse?

[poetlizabeth]

It is normal for children to experiment sexually but having a lot of knowledge about sexual acts and being obsessed with sex can be related to being sexual abused. I think instead of trying to find out what behaviors are caused by abuse and which ones by early puberty, you should deal with the abuse you recall by your grandfather. I highly suggest finding a therapist to talk and who can help you work through what happened to you as a child and how it effects you now. Best of luck and I think there is a recovering from abuse forum on MDC, that may be helpful. Feel from to message me.

[godsmackfan1]

the main thing I wonder about is just did I get sexually bused or not?

[poetlizabeth]

I would still seek therapy, the incident you recall although you don't remember it fully was definitely inappropriate on his part and sounds abusive in nature.