July Dating Thread - Independence Days! We're not giving our sweet freedom up lightly....! - Page 3

[Butterflymom]

Originally Posted by rubelin 

I just read this blog entry about how to know if a guy cares about you, and I thought it was very relevant to our recent conversations (though I'm thrilled that Butterfly is no longer asking this question about her Cucumber )

http://howtogetamannow.com/so-does-he-care-about-me-7-real-good-ways-to-finally-figure-out-if-he-even-cares-about-you/

This guy actually has some pretty good info about dating and men in general, and his online video dating quiz is cool, though it gets a little over the top with the advertising.

Thank goodness i didn't use this list to assess Cucumber, because he hates PDA, would not be proud nor jealous if another guy noticed me, and doesn't ask my advice terribly often.   But we had a laugh talking about how he measured up on this list.

Tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary and I bought him a fabulous gift that will blow his socks off that I even did the sleuthing required to know what the thing is and that he'd be thrilled to have it (I'm resourceful and devious!) since it relates to a passion of his that I have zero knowledge of.  Meaning, I don't even know what the thing is, really, or what it does, but I know he wants it.   Unfortunately, it hasn't arrived in the mail yet and I'm afraid it won't get here tomorrow and it will be belated.

[Moochie Mamma]

  I think I've met someone I really connect with!  Actually I've known him for a couple years and always thought he was a great guy but never thought of him as anything but a friend.  Last week were out with a bunch of friends and suddenly there was incredible chemistry between us.  We talked a bunch and danced together at a band we were all seeing.  We hung out again Sat (with a group of people again) and have been texting and are going out for a beer after work tonight.  He is my age, has 2 kids, is good friends with his ex-wife, does all the outdoor activities that I do...

The only weird thing is that he is a friend of my ex-husb and his ex-wife is a friend of mine (I think I've mentioned that I live in a small town and have a close-knit group of friends- yep).  Both of our exes were out both nights we hung out and they both noticed the chemistry between us.  My ex is fine (we are more like brother and sister and always were which is why we are not together any more) and I had a long talk about it with his ex Sat night... I told her if there is even one ounce of weirdness or if she isn't ok with it I will absolutely not even consider anything.  She is great and said she would rather see him with someone like me than the crazy girl he was seeing (they've been split up for about 3 years).

I want to take this sloooowly and be very careful because of the situation.  I also don't want to become the topic of gossip in our group so I'm keeping anything that does happen beyond friendship on the dl for now.

[Halfasianmomma]

So, um, I guess I'm back here, and it's not a good thing.

I think my one year relationship with Saxman is going down the tubes. I don't quite know what to do next. I've never been good at breaking up with people. How do I do it?

We haven't spoken since a long volley of emails yesterday afternoon. We were supposed to go visit his parents' cabin on Saturday but as things stand, I don't think I want to go.

I'm just so very sad. I really thought he was going to be "the one", but after much discussion, I've come to realize that we don't want the same things and that he is *petrified* of change of any kind. There's also this weird kind of loyalty going on with his family, but it's more like...he's looking for a way to please them by bending over backwards for them....Anyway, I feel like I need to break it off to protect DD who's already super attached to him. She's only 3 now and hopefully she won't remember him in a few years.

Man, I'm so blue today.

[Butterflymom]

((hugs))) to you, Halfasianmomma.

This is tough, I'm sure.

anyone who wants to vent or whine or muse off the publicness of this forum is free to join up with me and a dozen or two other single mamas, by the way, in case there are still those of you who haven't asked me about joining....

[mimim]

I'm feeling for you, Halfasianmomma. I'm trying to decide whether to break up with someone now too.

What do you do when you are in a relationship that you know just can't last? Jump ship before you get too attached or keep sailing until you hit the rocks?

I'm so torn about this guy I've been seeing. The only time we have to be together is every other Saturday and after 2am a couple of nights per week. I'm beginning to get sleep deprived and once I start teaching in the fall, we will be left with only every other Saturday. And the reason we can't be together more is because of my kid schedule combined with his two low-paying crappy jobs. He says he's looking for a better one, so he can work less hours, but it's not gonna happen anytime soon, if ever, and obviously my kids aren't going anywhere. I really enjoy him, look forward to being with him, have lost all interest in other men, and am in daily contact with him.

What to do, what to do.
I hate this.

[lucifugous]

Well, just under the wire for the July thread, the Flame called today. It was a bad time to talk and why do I always answer my phone anyway ...

I couldn't help but blurt out, "so when we hang up I can't help but wonder... am I not going to hear from you for a month and a half again?" and I hate that I exaggerated (it's been a month since solid contact) and he took it in stride & said he'd call within the next few days. I also hate that I blurted random details about my morning when he asked what was going on, since I was not expecting the call and didn't have a synopsis of the month prepared :P. Meanwhile I've been seeing a couple other guys, one casual from way back (intelligent, miserable, lasts all night then goes home to sleep) and one new interest (lives right in the neighborhood, works second shift but it could be great schedule-wise with the alignment of our nontraditional weekends, seems willing to take it slowly) but there is no way I'm telling this one off because among the three (and heck comparing him to anyone else I've seen lately) he so takes the cake, lol. But he lives a bit far and he's clearly prone to becoming absorbed in other things. I don't know, we'll see what happens when we get together again. He definitely inspired some healthy & positive changes for me, so I'm grateful we reconnected, one way or the other. But I had just given up on him and if it's not going anywhere I am unhappy that this phone call has me dwelling on it again.

[xmommy24x]

Hi mommas! I am new here, well, sort of. I have been reading for years but never posted because stbx would look at what I was reading on the computer. We have been seperated for 6 months but I am just now moving out, in 1 week!!! So, I finally told some friends about the divorce and that I was moving out and a good friend of mine, we'll call him the anarchist, started texting me and saying how he has had a thing for me for years but because I was married he never said anything. Anyway, we have texted back and forth for 2 weeks every single day. He has asked me out on official dates 3 or 4 times now and I cancel last minute every time. I DO NOT want a relationship right now, but I do want to date.  And things started moving pretty quickly. So, now he hasn't texted me since I last canceled on him a few days ago. I guess I need to let him know that I will go out with him, but that I'm not looking for a commited relationship?? I am so so new to this. I didn't even date really before meeting my stxh.

Butterflymom- Is there a more private forum somewhere that I don't know about?

[Martha27]

Originally Posted by xmommy24x 

Butterflymom- Is there a more private forum somewhere that I don't know about?

I'd also be interested in a more private forum, not too worried about anyone in particular seeing my posts but you never know!

[Halfasianmomma]

Originally Posted by Martha27 

I'd also be interested in a more private forum, not too worried about anyone in particular seeing my posts but you never know!

Ditto.

AFM, I broke it off with Saxman, with many tears and sobs from both of us. It was pretty horrible to see him looking like a lamb being taken to the sacrificial altar, because he knew my mind was made up. The day after the breakup he wrote me some very lovely emails thanking me for all that we have shared and wishing me the best. This has honestly been the best breakup I've ever lived...most of them are chaotic and malicious. It was tough to read those emails and it made me wonder for a few minutes if I'd made the right decision, but I know deep down I had to end the relationship now before we got serious and he moved in. As much as he's a great guy, he's just not ready for family life, and moving in with a mama and her 3 year old generally involves an whole other lifestyle. 

[turtle2who]

Oh my goodness . . . . it's August! I suppose we should get a new thread going . . . .