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Looking for anyone in the same boat...

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 

So I am 19 weeks pregnant with my first child, this week I have an ultrasound appointment coming up.

 

I have been noticing on most websites and community sites I seem to be out of the norm... I am currently single and having a baby. I've been told that perhaps my child is the important person in my life I have been waiting for, just in a different order. The relationship with the father has crumbled from a friendship to just despair, and while most days I am happy and positive and strong, I keep hitting those days where I'm not sure who to turn to, and just feel guilty for a litney of things from being halfway through my pregnancy and still being scared, to bringing my child into this chaotic world alone.

 

I am just looking for some words of wisdom from moms who have gone through this, whether alone or not, and juts how they managed to enter this new phase of life with heads held hi and with hopes upon hopes.

 

I know that things will be OK and that I can do this... I'm just hoping its enough.

post #2 of 6

Your situation sounds very similar to mine when I had my first.  His bio-dad has never been involved or seen my DS.  We went from being very close friends (we'd been friends for 7years) to not speaking by the time I was 5mo pregnant.

 

Luckily I had a lot of family support and decided to move in with my mother when I was pregnant.  I worked full time until the end of the pregnancy and then choose to quit and raise my son after that.  The first 2 years of his life I lived with family and created a small internet business that allowed me to support myself.  I ended up moving out on my own when my DS was 2. Then I continued to work from home until I met my DH and we got married.  

 

In the end it's all worked out perfectly.  His bio-dad is a complete loser and I'm really happy that he's chosen to not be involved.  My DH has now adopted my son and we are one happy family.  It was a struggle to raise a child on my own, but I did it and it has turned out well.  It can be done!  Take any support you can from family, friends or government assistance and try to make the best decisions you can for your baby.  Good luck! 

post #3 of 6

Welcome to MDC!  wave.gif   I don't have any direct advice but I wanted to hug2.gif.

post #4 of 6

With my first, who is almost 3, I became pregnant after one instance of "ex-sex" with someone I'd known for a decade and dated for years on and off. Since the day I told him I was pregnant, I have received exactly 3 phone calls from him, the last being over two and a half years ago.

 

For me, my son was exactly who I was waiting for. While the pregnancy was unplanned, it was the catalyst for an amazing change in my life. I am so much happier, and so much more fulfilled now that I'm a mother. Single parenting is hard, but it's amazingly rewarding. I was lucky to have family that was supportive, even though they all lived over a thousand miles away, and due to my son's immediate need for health insurance due to a medical issue he was born with, I didn't move closer. My mom was willing to support me financially while I was in school (I got pregnant during my first quarter back). For the first year I took online classes, and stayed home, then I moved to a university with child care on campus.

 

When my son was about 18 months I met a wonderful man. We just got married last month and are expecting a new little one around Thanksgiving.

 

You can totally do it. I wish you all the best.

post #5 of 6
i'm single too. My exbf and I had only been together for a few months when I got pregnant, and we just weren't into each other. Being a single parent can seem very unfair financially. Like a pp said, take advantage of any help you can get. There is usually govt assistance available for food, housing, child care, and more. I like to think that if I also had a husband, I would have to put forth a lot of time and effort into that relationship, and single parenting means I just focus on my children without another around to complicate things. In some ways I would prefer to have a father of my child that is uninvolved, because there are plenty of disagreements that come up. Otoh, my son loves his daddy and his life has been enriched by their relationship. For example, there are some things that Keanu and his dad enjoy but I don't, or some things I can't afford that his dad can, like vacations to Disneyworld.

There are ups and downs to having a father around and not; being married and not. Just make the best of it and remember that you really aren't alone.
post #6 of 6

I don't have any words of wisdom since I haven't been in the same boat, but hopefully I have send some encouragement your way. joy.gif I wanted to tell you that I think the world of single moms and have such an admiration for how amazing they are in the face of any challenge. I see single moms as women who can handle anything. I have great respect for you and just wanted to let you know that I truly believe you can handle this wonderful journey you're embarking on, even if it's scary at times! *kudos*

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