Baby HATES the car

[Tmama]

(x posted in Life with a Babe)

My 3 month old LITERALLY screams in the car from the moment you pull out of the driveway until you get the car seat out of the car. It's not the seat. I've put him in it many of times with him smiling and to click him into the base in the car and he is fine. Start the car...SCREAMING begins. No exaggeration here. I've tried a mirror, no mirror, I've tried putting him in the car in a deep sleep. How do I shut the door without waking him? Thats where that one went wrong. I've fallen into a tiny depression because of it. I can't stay home since it's not fair to my 4 year old so whats a mama to do? I have no idea. I'm starting to get desperate and think to install a DVD player for him back there though I hate that idea entirely...but what if it works? It may be worth the tiny bit of TV for a baby for a distraction so I can actually drive somewhere and talk to my 4 year old without tears in my voice. It shakes me. I'm an attachment parent and babywear a lot and a lot of folks have asked if that could be why since he is always attached to me.  So obviously, it's difficult for me to listen to crying - no matter what your parenting style - who can bare the sound of your baby screaming 20 + minutes straight? I can't. Pulling over and soothing does nothing because when its time to put him back in the seat, it starts all over again.  I have to drive my 4 year old to camp (he loves camp and it's good for him right now) and it's 20 minutes away!  I get there and then have to take baby out, soothe, breastfeed, start all over again to go home.  It's horrible.  I noticed it starts as soon as the car starts to move a bit.  He could be fine for a minute or two but then BOOM the screaming begins.  I'm so screwed if this is how it will be until he is at least 2 to FF in the seat if rear facing is what is freaking him out.  It's almost as if he can sense he is moving and maybe the backwards movement is it?  I will also add that 2 weeks ago it was hit or miss, we would have a few here and there moments in the car where he wouldnt cry at all.  

So...anyone got any insight on this?

[meemee]

develop a tougher skin. 

seriously. there are many of us who have shared your pain. for my dd it started improving from 9 months on and by about 1 was gone. 

we had tried everything. even me nursing her while then dh drove. i know its tough. 

there is an answer. i dont know what it is. i wish i could have spoken dd's language to know what was going on. she hated being restrained and even later hated the high chair. 

i have just had to deal with a screaming child when i didnt have an option. 

[Adobec]

This happened with my 4th child. It was awful! I still find myself clutching the steering wheel while in the car.... 3 years later! My holistic doctor suggested a food allergy that was inflaming a part of the brain responsible for motion sickness. I was desperate before a 12 hour car trip, so I took him off of dairy (I was nursing, so I took myself off of dairy) and the difference was amazing. He was peaceful the entire trip and from that moment on. I have since discovered that all of my kids and myself are allergic to dairy...

So, worth a try? I'd guess your baby has some form of motion sickness.

Good luck and hang in there!

[swd12422]

I was thinking motion sickness, too. DS had a similar issue when he was tiny. It would take him about 5 minutes to start crying and then he'd be inconsolable. I finally realized that the first 5 minutes of any trip were okay b/c the road was flat, then we'd hit a loopy, roller-coaster type road that he hated. It's the main cross-town road for us, so we were on it a lot. I finally realized it was the hills bothering him, and once I started driving much more slowly on them, he did fine.

Not saying that's all it is, but I do hope it's as simple as that for you. I'd definitely try a little elimination diet if you can, to see if there's an allergy bothering him.

[crunchy_mommy]

I wish I had an answer for you. My DS screamed in the car 'til he was at least 9mos old... He still has horrible days in the car so he hasn't totally outgrown it (2.5yo) but he does SO much better now!!! He had to kind of just cope with it, really, and we minimized driving in the meantime, but like you we had to do SOME driving!

For my DS, it was multiple issues:
-reflux -- he outgrew the worst of this around 9mos which is why it got better then... it did help a bit to try not to feed him just before driving when possible and get him a bigger seat at a better angle (bucket seat was NOT good for him!)
-the noise of the car engine, the noise of the tires on the road, the a/c, etc -- we try lots of singing to distract him, and small toys he can manipulate help too...
-the sensation of the car turning or 'floating' even, he has no idea where the car is about to go & it feels scary to him -- I try to drive as smoothly as possible and tell him before I do anything unusual like a U-turn
-the sunlight in his eyes -- he always wears sunglasses or a baseball cap in the car

I have a feeling there may even be other issues with the car we have yet to uncover, it seems every so often we figure out something else that was bothering him all along...

[XanaduMama]

dd was a car screamer too. She rarely cried, so the screaming was especially intolerable--especially for ds, who has SPD and is sensitive to loud sound. I would strongly recommend a chiro adjustment. I took her in for a checkup and some reflux adjustment; she fell asleep in the car on the way home and never screamed in the car again. (OK, she did, but only for actual reasons, like being tired or hungry etc). It was unbelievable. She did remain very sensitive to sun shining on her face, so investing in a sun visor thingy for the window might also help yours.

[Tmama]

Totally agree on the tough skin...I have to though it's hard. I have some days where I cry with him and others, well, I just talk to my 4 yo over him. When I pick him up from school, I have to talk and ask him how was his day and not make him feel ignored because his brother is screaming. Ugh...

I like the chiro idea and thinking about getting the next seat early (Britax). I don't think it's his seat since he let's me buckle him in just fine in the house and is all smiles but...if it works, it was worth it! Im starting to think I may have taken a few turns to sharp and scarred him for life...now he "remembers" that and now is just plain scared of the car. Never did I think this would be an issue.

So tired of the same comments from people when I tell them..."really? Babies love the car,". Ok. Not mine!

[sewchris2642]

Just to chime in and say you are not alone.  My 2nd dd was that way.  She screamed her way home from the hospital 6 hours after she was born and screamed in the car until we turned her around at 20 pounds; she was 14 months old, I think.  She is now almost 31 so this was way back when car seats were non-existent and the recommendation was 20 pounds OR 1 year.  Since I had small girls, I waited until she was 20 pounds.  If I had to do today, I probably would turn her around at the same age as having a screaming baby and stressed out driving mom is much worse that the possibility of a crash by another car.  As she grew up and got words, we figured out that she was motion sick.  Turning her around to face front lessened the motion sickness.  Driving still was fun for her but it was easier to drive to grandma's house or run errands that couldn't wait until dad got home.

[hildare]

has baby ALWAYS hated the car seat?  if not.. my dd had a period of the same thing when she was a bit older.  we went from a bucket to a (rearfacing of course) seat that was more upright and it solved much of the problem.  sometimes the recline of those baby seats isn't fun for the little ones.  do you have access to a different seat, like from a friend or something, to try out and see if that's it?

[Tmama]

It's funny but his seat, a Peg Perego is sort of more upright than most seats out there as far as the bucket seats are concerned. DS is in a Britax marathon so I guess I could seat him in it (it's FF) when we are parked to see but the true test would be to turn the Britax RF and drive around.

I told my DH that we mine as well move him into the next seat now since were going to have to get it eventually anyway. DS1 was in it RF at 7 months...

[mandalamama]

my babe did the screaming thing around the same age as yours. not so consistently, though. she was born with GERD (chronic reflux) so i thought the angle of the seat might be the problem, plus the up-and-down movements of the car. it could have been motion sickness, because as soon as she went front-facing, she was super happy to go on car trips. an MDC mama suggested a mirror so she could focus on the view out the side window, and also teething toys to chew. i ended up using a binky, the "Soothie" brand, in the car and it helped, used it as well as for her GERD (the enzymes from baby's saliva actually heal the esophagus, before i learned that i was dead-set against a binky).

does your baby also cry in a swing? a bouncy seat? or just moving backwards?

also, check the straps ... no matter how bundled up she was in the winter, the straps must have been irritating my babe because once i put those velcro-closing stuffed cloth covers over them, all was well.

[crunchy_mommy]

It's not just the angle of the seat -- awhile back, I read something about the bucket seats not supporting the back and stomach the same way that larger seats do -- I would at least give the bigger seat a try, since you have it anyway.

[journeymom]

This is kind of a revelation to me.   OP, my first child was like this.  It was really rough.  She cried most of the time in the rear-facing car seat.   When she was a toddler and preschooler she 'developed' motion sickness, would vomit on long car rides.     Of course now I'm thinking she'd been car sick all along. 

By comparison my second child didn't particularly cry much in the car seat when he was a baby, and he never got car sick when he got older.

[Tmama]

So I did the experiment of putting the baby in DS1's Britax Marathon.  What happened was - we got to camp, dropped DS1 off and parked the car and soothed the baby...took him out shushed and nursed and held him for a while.  Once he was happy again, I placed him in the Britax (he looked like such a peanut in it).  He was fine and then I picked him back up since not much I could do with that scenario since DS1's seat is FF.  I then placed him, while he was still happy, back in his bucket seat and he starts to cry.  Soothe again.  He's happy, put him back in the Britax seat once again to see and he starts to cry.  I now think it's a more "I just want to be held not sit in this darn seat" thing.  I don't know!  Sigh...

I know me sitting back there with him when DH drives does nothing either...makes it worse, he looks at me like "why are you just sitting there looking at me cry?"  

[crunchy_mommy]

Can you try turning DS1's seat RF and take DS for a short drive? I don't think you can tell much just from placing him in the seat.

Also, we found it best for DH to sit in the back while I drive. He couldn't stand looking at me and not being able to be in my arms, but with DH, it was different somehow.

[Tmama]

Most importantly to me, I just want to know, is this the same as CIO???  This is what KILLS me the most!  DS1's camp is 20 minutes away.  Add it up, thats 20 minutes both ways TWICE a day (thankfully only 2 days a week though) but thats 80 minutes in one day!  Granted, I take him out and soothe him before we turn around and go back home but still...he's only 3 months old and I would never ever ever make a baby CIO regardless of age...but feel worse with how young he is.  I can't do this to him anymore!!!!  I'm so upset right now...

[hildare]

take it easy on yourself, mama!  it's not CIO.  especially if somebody's in the back with the baby where he can see somebody! 

if you're really concerned, try to limit the driving if a new/different carseat won't do the trick, but it's also not fair to deprive your other kid of the camp experience that you said he enjoyed!  it will get better. 

(and i remember dd's cries sounded different when angry in the carseat vs. crying from fear and alone like when waking up from a nap without somebody beside her.. can you hear a difference in your babe's cries?  that's one good signal that it's not CIO for the baby!)

can you experiment with some other minor changes and see if they help, like: making the trip when your babe has a full belly or when he's sleepy?  not always easy but a possibility? do you have some really cool, entertaining baby toys back there?  maybe a white noise lambie toy thing? 

[Tmama]

Just before I left today for pickup for DS1, he was alseep in his car seat, woke up upon the placing in the car, though I was quiet as can be.  I have to admit, I lost it, I turned into a loony once I shut the door and he couldn't see me.  It was my temper tantrum, as I just stood in the garage, sweating and shushing for 10 minutes for it only to fail.

Anyway, he woke up so I'm assuming it was a tired cry and a help me, I hate this cry.  So, no, I have no idea what kind of cry but it's a bloody murder cry.

[crunchy_mommy]

No, it's not CIO.

But yes, I understand how stressful it is, been there... it's tough. TOUGH.

How long is DS1's camp program? Is there any way you could hang out somewhere local to the camp? Is there a park nearby or something? It would mean only 40mins in the car instead of 80. And, has your DS made any friends at camp? Maybe someone who could carpool with you?

Anyway, like I said, try turning DS1's seat RF'ing and go for a drive, just to see if that makes a difference, you never know...

What does he respond best to at home? Singing? Swaddling? Darkness? etc... it's a starting point, though it may not be the same as what works in the car.. At home, my DS needed static (white noise), but for some reason it didn't work in the car. In the car, he was most responsive to singing...

Also, for us it worked best to keep DS awake until we got in the car, rather than put him in the car while he was sleeping, because then he'd wake up and freak out about being in a different place, plus he tended to want lots of cuddles and nursing when waking.