Originally Posted by LROM
So am I the only parent who's clueless about what a "time in" looks like? What is it that you do in a time in, Hildare?
well.. again, dd is pretty small, 20 mos. so for us, this looks like mommy picking her up and taking her away from the source of her tantrum, and engaging her with something else. Just giving her complete attention. Rocking, cuddling, etc. if the situation calls for it.
Then when the fit is over, later, we can talk about how to do things differently. Using small words, i think she 'gets' it. i've also used her little animals to role play with her somewhat. (though she thinks it's completely hilarious to put one animal in particular in a time out ) i've learned it does no good to try to talk about it when she's mad. the same with older kids, too..
For older kids, I've read about a waldorf approach (kids can't use their heads to understand frustration but their hands can work to help, something like that) is to give them something to drum or make a rhythm on. i'm not a waldorf parent, though.. maybe someone else can speak to that?
And.. the time in stuff comes from unconditional parenting. For older children, they can help come up with ways to solve the problem.. a time in could be a walk or a change of scene, too.
I think the idea behind the time ins is just reconnecting. Seriously, most of the behaviors that people seem to use time outs for are basically attention-seeking. time ins can allow an answer to the attention seeking, and let the kids know that their needs are being met, even if they can't or won't express those desires for reconnection/attention.
i was really surprised that it worked so well for us, too, like i said.. i just thought it was some interesting theory that i'd give a shot. i think some of the playful parenting stuff that people like so much are kind of a form of this, too.. giving attention with humor.