Intrusive Thoughts

[Perplexity]

My biggest hurdle after the birth of both my children was suffering years of sever PPD. The most difficult of symptoms to come to terms with being the Intrusive thoughts. The spontaneous scenarios of harm coming to my child that would play over and over in my mind when I was alone with them. A sudden vision of them falling from my arms on to the hard tile floor below me, or suddenly throwing them across a room and sometimes even worse... on top of that I found that each time I experienced one of these flashes in my mind it would hurl me into a period of hating myself. Thinking I was a monster for such things even existing in my mind. I thought the worst of myself and I feared that I may possess a potential to harm my child.

I am not writing this as a mother who is currently suffering PPD. I have two wonderful children. With both I suffered years of sever PPD, too ashamed to admit what was going on in my head to get help. So, I am writing this to reach out to other mothers who may be suffering as I once did to offer them hope. To let them know they aren't losing their minds and they are not alone. Don't be afraid to talk about what is going on in your head. There is help. You can do as I did and try to suffer through it or you can talk to your physician about medical treatments. There are treatments out there. There are also support groups and family members who may be more understanding than you think. As shocking and disturbing as these thoughts are it is important to realize that a lot of women experience this, it is very common and it doesn't mean you are going to snap one day and harm your kid. But you should talk to someone.

[mami2f3]

When I was feeling this someone magically gave me Anne Lamotts book and I was so relieved I wasn't alone!

[dreamingtree]

I had the same types of intrusive thoughts you are describing after I had my first baby a year ago. It was very frightening and it wasn't until a friend told me she had experienced the same thing that I realized I wasn't alone.   I'm glad you wrote this post.  I have never heard of Anne Lamott. I will have to check her out.