Emotional Mess

[scsigrl]

I am just broken down and done. I am not sure how much of this is pregnancy induced and how much is just me being crazy but this wee I have had:

1) HUGE fight with DH over a facebook request from his step MIL who is banished from my and my kids lives.  DH and I are not speaking at this point.

2) Said step MIL then sends ME a friends request.  yes, this from the woman who ignored me and my children every time we had seen her in the previous year and a half.

3) Car issues which have required driving around the city for 3 hours yesterday and it not being anyones problem when it is. Calling and calling back to see who will cover the defect (which the dealership said it was) but they won't cover it.

4)  New sitter was suppose to start today and was a no call, no show.  This after we fired another sitter a few weeks ago after months long search.

5) I have no friends or family who I can count on for help of any kind.

6) DS's blood work came back and is not trending how it should. It should be normal now and it isn't.  It is all diet related (Celiac) and I have no clue where he is getting gluten in his diet and have no clue why this is happening.

Sorry to bitch but I really have no where/one to rant about this to.  I don't expect anyone to do/say anything I just need to get it out.

Thanks.

[mountainmama707]

I am sorry you are going through all that!

I am in a terrible mental space today.

DH is gone picking up his daughter, I woke up in a panic attack after haveing a horrible nightmere. (Dream- DH abandoned me to go back to his ex wife, i started swelling huge, was diagnosed with preeclampsia and they wanted to c-section me early. He was nowhere to be found)  Just to clarify this was Just a dream, I am having a healthy pregnancy and my last 2 births were vaginal with fast labor.

It's too hot here, triple digits.

I am feeling very insecure about my body image....I watched a stupid movie last night and Sandra Bullock's skinny flat stomach brought me to tears.

My 5 year old is attending private swim lessons this week, which I overpaid for. I though the director was going to teach him, he is very receptive to her...Instead its teenage lifeguards. These girls tried to convince him to jump off the diving board, which he didn't want to do....he can't swim yet and is scared of water. They just wouldn't leave it alone! He got mad, started being rude and nasty to them. Not a good lesson today. 

[wombatclay]

(((hugs)))

I'm so sorry.  How old is your son?  My 6yo dd1 has celiac and sometimes exposure just happens.  But if it's showing up in the blood work, there must be a semi-regular source.  Toothpaste?  Shampoo?  Handsanitizer, soap, sunblock, or chapstick with wheat germ oil or malt?  Play-dough?  Any meats that have "seasoning" or "broth" fillers, or any soy products that might contain "regular" soy sauce, malt, or seitan?  Is he eating something that is gfree in one size but not in another (a lesson I learned the hard was a few halloweens ago when I checked all of dd1's candy only to discover the "mini" bars were NOT gfree although the full sized ones were)?  Does he spend time at a preschool or school where there could be cross contamination... like a jar of peanut butter or a carton of ice cream that is contaminated by double dipping?  And if you don't keep totally gfree at home, are you seperating his dishes and utensils during washing?  One of my friends has a very sensitive child (wheat allergy, not celiac) and he has actually developed hives after eating off a seemingly clean bowl that had previously held wheat noodle soup.

I know it's hard to track down, but gluten ends up in the oddest places (especially malt, it seems like people put malt in EVERYTHING) and sometimes it's something that is staring you in the face that's the culprit!

Other than that... I don't have any ideas about your other ughs.  I think it sounds like it would be an overwhelming list for anyone at any time and I'm sure the pregnancy is just making things even more intense.

ETA- has anything changed in your stepMIL's life that would make her want to connect?  I have a very difficult relationship with my own mother, and after dd2 was born I cut off contact with her after some pretty serious encounters (in which she threatened my children, and spread hurtful rumors about me in our community among other things).  Then after ds was born she suddenly came knocking on our door, acting as if nothing had happened and those two years of "no contact" never existed.  It was very, very odd.  And after talking with some people I was able to find a balance that works (more or less) for us in terms of having very firm boundaries but some contact (she suddenly decided it was crucial that she play a role in her grandchildren's lives, but DH and I are always present when she is with the children, and we keep very strong boundaries up).  In this case Dh was totally on board, and he still doesn't really want her in our home even if I'm there to supervise, but it was a difficult transition and honestly life is more difficult now than it was during the "no contact" phase.  Anyway, I'm just wondering if your stepMIL could be feeling something like my mom... some sudden (and in my mom's case, mental health related) decision or event that makes her want contact now?

[scsigrl]

Thanks.

He is 4.  I have looked and looked and looked for what could be getting through.  This is his diet (pretty much daily):

GF pancakes (Cherrybrook Kitchen) with home made rice milk (water, rice, sugar)

Sausage (GF according to the box)

Chex- Rice, GF 

Home made chicken tenders (breaded with GF crackers I make into crumbs) that are marinated in Braggs dressing (GF as well)

Ketchup- label says GF

maple syrup- pure, nothing added

dressing-GF according to manf.

Sunbutter- TJ's brand

Rice cakes- label GF

Fruits

Veggies

Sunshine burgers- label GF

Chocolate Chips- TJ's labeled GF (on occasion)

Powdered sugar (on his "Monkey Munch" which is an allergy free version of Chex Muddy Buddies).

GF Pasta- TJ's brand

GF Pasta sauce -TJ's brand

We don't do play-dough

No skin products

Allergy/GF vits and probiotic

All dishes go in the dish washer.  Anything that doesn't go in, I have an "allergy avoidance" method (anything with known allergens is washed last).  Sink washed out prior to starting any hand washing.  New, GF pots, pans, cookie sheets for all kids food.

No sharing jars of anything (he is allergic to so much so he has his stuff that no one else uses).

I am just so totally upset by this latest round of lab work.  He has been GF for a year now and this is just stupid.  I looked into buying the test strips to see about testing foods here and seeing if anything comes up but they are $110 for 10 of them. 

[scsigrl]

Mountain Mama- I SOOOOO get the abandonment thing!  I had a dream a few weeks ago that DH was cheating on me.  I had that dream once before, the last time I was pregnant!  It is so strange.  It was one of those ones where I was kind of mad at him when I woke up :) Lol  Not mad mad but it really bothered me!  I am also crazy when I send him out at night and get all worried if he's even a minute longer than I think he should be!  I get all "Do I hear police cars? Are they coming to tell me there was an accident?"  and just totally crazy with anxiety when he's not around!  Pregnancy makes me feel so vulnerable!  :hug: to you!!!!

Wombatclay-  As far as step-MIL goes, I have no clue.  She chose to be absent from us and it was no loss really.  They live OOT so we only saw them twice a year at most.  FIL was in town last week.  The request came after that.  I don't know them well enough to say if something happened.  All I know is DH has chosen not to deal with it.  FIL has chosen not to deal with it.  I told DH I would not get involved but when she sent me the request, I was involved.  I informed her that she has chosen to ignore us and if she would like to explain the reasoning, I would be willing to listen.  Otherwise, there is no reason for us to be "friends" on FB.  I have not yet told DH about this latest exchange.  I am not sure I am going to either.

[Lisa1970]

((((hugs)))))

Have you checked your sons tooth paste and shampoos and everything?

[scsigrl]

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

((((hugs)))))

Have you checked your sons tooth paste and shampoos and everything?

Tooth paste....well....I will admit that it is rare that he brushes with past.  We are lucky to get the brush into his mouth. What we do have is GF. Shampoo isn't a worry 1) because you don't absorb gluten through the skin and 2) we don't use shampoo anyway.

I am just at such a loss.  Wondering if I need to talk to the Dr. about other possible causes and getting some testing going. I hate the though of putting him through more testing though.

[wombatclay]

(hugs) that just stinks!

Would your doctor be willing to brainstorm possible sources with you?  I mean, they don't know your son's routine or diet, but could they hazard a guess like "levels like that indicate a chronic exposure over several months" or "that score could be caused by a single large exposure in the past 6 weeks".  It would at least help you narrow it down a bit.  And if that didn't help, then maybe you could discuss testing options. 

For us, shampoo did make a difference... we realized that dd1 was sucking on her hair and also using some of her shampoo as "soap" when she washed her face (she liked the smell/bubbles) so swapping out her shampoo/body wash for a totally gfree one helped.  Ditto with the chapstick (though I'm betting chapstick is more of a 6yo girl thing than a 4yo boy thing!).  Do you use any sunblock?  Argh... tracking down contamination is just so hard!  I always sympathized with families that got high lead readings (since the vector can be just about anything, it's not just the "old paint" or MIC products that everyone knows about) and food allergies/sensitivities are just as crazy.

It sounds like you sent a good message to your MIL... if there is something happening, either it will be important enough to explain to you, or it wont.  And if discussing that with your DH would lead to another fight, I can't see any reason to start the conversation!

[scsigrl]

Thanks.

I have called/web researched everything he eats that does not say GF on it.  I have called the Dr. to see if we need to start looking into other avenues of issues.  I have even emailed the top Celiac guy in the US begging for help.  I wouldn't do all that but we are seriously so strict with his food between being allergic (as in epi pen allergic) to 6 of the Top 8 and the Celiac. I even called the Dr's office in Maryland (a flight away) to see when he is booking into (November.  Right...with a brand new baby that is going to happen).  The Dr's nurse is suppose to give me the name of someone local (or more local) if they have one.  Also suggested a nutritionist which we did and was a TOTAL joke and waste of time and $$$.  

I have emails out to the local Celiac group as well outlining everything I have said here.  Maybe something will jump out to someone.

As for step MIL, I have decided she will a) ignore it (which is what I suspect) or b) DH will get a call from his father about it.  Since I am suspecting A, I am done with that for the most part.

The car situation is now taken care of. More time and $ but, oh well, it's done.  

Now if I could just get to talking to DH again without all the hurt and anger I feel.  So I guess we are 2 for 4-6 ;)  FWIW, I only cried once today!  The day is not over yet though. lol

[wombatclay]

hang in there!  The tide /will/ turn eventually!

(I sometimes find myself humming the theme song to Friends... the bit about it not being your day, your week, your month, or even your year... it seems counterintuitive, but somehow it makes me feel better)