Parenting to sleep

[mrs.t]

My 15 mo DS is getting to the point where it's struggle to get him to give up and go to sleep. He's happy and wanting to play with me up until he finally gives in and nurses to sleep. This is ok with me, but sometimes he just wants to be up and it gets so late (tonight it went on until 11). I'm struggling with the idea that if he had a crib (we never set it up) and weren't bedsharing, I could let him play alone until he was ready to go to sleep, but because he's in my bed and I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone in our bedroom, I'm stuck there. I'm really losing all of my "me time" because of this. Sometimes he's great and he'll fall asleep between 8-9, but lately DH has had a weird work schedule and our routine is off. I seriously suck at a bedtime routine in terms of making it the same time every night, but our lives don't really allow for that with DH's schedule. I think it's more important that we all eat dinner together than to have DS in bed by a certain time.

So what do you do when your bedsharing LO just wants to play, but you are done with trying to parent him/her to sleep? I try to follow the same routine (Brush teeth, change into pj's, sing songs, turn out the light, nurse) and most of the time it works, but when it doesn't I pretend I'm asleep and DS will sit there going "Hi! HI! HIIIII!!!!" while trying to pry my eyelids open. It's cute for the first 3 minutes but I just want to have an hour to myself sometimes, kwim?

[Buzzer Beater]

We're going through the exact same thing with our 13mo old. It's amazing how long she keeps wind in her sails at night now that she no longer nurses to sleep. We are still fine-tuning what dh and I agree on for a nighttime routine, and trying to decide what time to start/finish. So far for the last bunch of nights we have done variations of this: 8pm get her in her pj's and put on her boots and bar (she has club feet and has to sleep with these until she's 5). This normally sends her off the deepend because she knows it means her night is almost over. I nurse then (she used to go to sleep at this nursing) and she... yes! rallies! Bummer for us. Dh takes over then and they brush teeth and do books until 9. Then he takes her to the bed and they don't come out, period. We have a twin with safety rails pushed right up next to our bed, so it's co-sleeping but with extra space. Sometimes she just howls until she falls asleep, and dh will soothe her, but only talk to her for the first while, then pat. Sometimes she is monkeying around, pulling on his beard, poking him in the face. It's hilarious, I can hear her in there talking away, rolling and slamming her bar on the safety rail. The longest it has taken is about 45 minutes after 9. One night it took about 20 minutes. We're hoping she'll get into the routine and it won't take so long... I think part of her problem is where we are it's light out until almost 10 and she seems to be very light sensitive.

I'll be interested to hear what other people do at this point with little night owls.

[WildinTheory]

I'm right there with you.  DD is going to be 1 next week and I am so tired of helping her fall asleep.  Honestly, it's been really easy up until now.  Then she gave up one of her daytime naps.  And she's almost walking. In essence, she's 1.  And really, there's not much I enjoy about 1 year olds and sleep.  They aren't old enough to reason with.  Mine are horrible at doing anything independently, including playing.  (So a crib wouldn't help me since she'd just cry.)  My DD only knows one word-- "UP" and says it over and over all.day.long.

I'll be interested to see if there are any good ideas, although I suspect that this is one of those things that just evolves into something easier as they grow and mature.  I'm hoping once she starts walking that will help, but who am i kidding?  She'll just be better at trying to roll away and escape out of bed!

[Brandybutter]

Yes, routine is very important, but just because they know sleep is to come soon doesn't mean that they'll be happily ready for it! We usually have at least one day a week where my DS really fights it, but sleep always comes - just later than we like.

Bedtime for my 16 mo has been pushed back closer to 9p for the summer.He's just so sensitive to the light. So, we do our best to keep lights off and the mood calm. We start ~ 7:30 with soft music and a bath. Sometimes he'll surprise me and want to nurse right after. I keep the music on, stand up and rock him as he nurses to sleep. But most of the time he wants to read like 10 books. DH reads half while I fold laundry or do yoga. We say goodnight to DH and then I take over. We read his sleep books like "goodnight moon" last. Then we say goodnight to everything in the room. This seriously helps us! We say goodnight to the light and I start nursing him down. He'll often sign "read" or say "dada" and I'll remind him that we already said goodnight. Most of the time he's satisfied with this and succumbs to the boob. If I didn't have the power of nursing, I don't know what I'd do.

On the nights where he needs longer, I TRY not to stress. I don't keep reading. This tends to push my buttons, so I tell him that I'm done, and he can read books by himself or play in the room by himself until he's ready. I stay nearby and just let him spin around while I fold laundry ( always have some to do!). I'm clear that I'm tired and don't want to play anymore. He's always comes up to me at some point and signs "milk.". I shut the door, we say goodnight to everything, and nurse him down. No more books at this point, I jump at the opportunity and it's usually quick.

This is our experience and it works for us. I hope you find your rhythm! It's surely all temporary!