UC Forum Concerns - Please read and share your thoughts - Page 3

[zoebird]

that's largely been my experience, too, sharlla.

only recently have things seemed. . .strange. but i've just gotten back from my MDC break (which lasted from Sept/Oct 2010 to about May/June 2011.

[yippiehippie]

Originally Posted by savithny 

Rixa Freeze recently posted her PhD thesis about UC.

One of her observations is that over the time she studied the UC movement, there was a definite change of attitude.   Earlier, there was a lot of discussion of "If you are going to UC, you should educate yourself about birth, about what might arise, about what is 'normal' and what is 'variation of normal' and what is 'this is one of the things obstetrics were invented to deal with."   And this has changed, more recently, to a message of "experience is most important and educating yourself about possibilities is really not important compared to relying on instincts."  

This seems so right! Everyone has their own opinions about UC, but I feel like education is the key, and that's why a lot of us come here. Trusting your instincts w/o learning seems lazy to me. I think it's great to trust your instincts, but when it's something this big, it is hard for many of us, that's why we come here:)
 

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I'm going to write my post before reading the response so that my view isnt shaded. Sorry if opinions are repeated.

Personally, I have thought very seriously about Ucing this time, and I came to this forum looking for information, guidance, and support. I've only posted a few times, and this is what I've gotten in response to my questions.
~a crazy person who was so pro UC that she couldnt see any other point of view and anyone who wasnt with her on every.single.thing was a "troll"
~a legitimate question that I was genuinely wanting advice on getting taken to another website to make fun of me.
~a couple of book recommendations (thanks!)
~some amazing birth stories

To me, the negatives with my experience here greatly out weigh the positives as I have also seen:

~a fake horror birth story
~namecalling, arguing, and total non support
~people being accused of killing someone's child
~very little actual information being exchanged

I am interested in the private lounge, but other than that I cannot imagine posting any other personal feelings about UC here. Im really sad about it because I still havent decided what to do, and I have NO support for it IRL and I was really looking for online support or information that wasnt coupled with people telling me that Im stupid and trying to kill my baby. However, this just isnt a good place for that kind of support.

I dont know what to do to make it a better forum, other than making it private. Still, even if it was private, Im sure that posts would get taken to other websites because I know that there are trolls in the private lounge. But at least then people wouldnt post such asinine things because they know they could lose their membership to the UC forum . Personally, I think immediate moderation of everything posted might make it better. (Someone looking in on this forum more often that most?) Maybe requiring a certian post count before being able to post (like TAO)? While I agree that people should be able to post their point of view, there are very few places online where you can get UC support and a million places where you can get told what a dumbass you are for UC'ing. Why should mothering fall into the second category?

This is exactly where I'm at (we're even due the same month). I thought this would be a great place to come, but all I've seen is judgement. I don't even mind the negative UC or "trolls" so much as the attacks against each other. It's like someone picks a fight every chance they get around here! It seems like this board would have more support b/c of the subject matter, but most threads that I've read turn into something totally different than what the OP is asking/saying. It's like if someone has a different opinion than someone else they are fired up! It's so odd and bothers me so much that I've decided not to hang out around here much:( Hope it can change.

[Paigekitten]

Originally Posted by yippiehippie 

This seems so right! Everyone has their own opinions about UC, but I feel like education is the key, and that's why a lot of us come here. Trusting your instincts w/o learning seems lazy to me. I think it's great to trust your instincts, but when it's something this big, it is hard for many of us, that's why we come here:)

This is exactly why I come here.  I can get standard medical advice from my midwives, I can get happy go lucky "what do I pack for the hospital" advice everywhere else.  I love it that there are other people here who have researched the things I am thinking about, who can point out resources and information I may not have found yet.   I like being able to look at people's opinions, look at the resources and information they are drawing from, and forming my own ideas.  And yes, that sometimes includes advice maybe direction away from UC, but it seems like there isn't so much of that as there is "you're nuts, you're going to kill your baby" inflammatory type stuff going on.

And even if I don't end up UCing, I am a better patient, a better person, a better mother for all the knowledge I am acquiring as I explore this option.  Yeah I rely a lot on my instincts, but my brain is important too.

[amyjeans]

It's been some time since I've posted. I think since last year after my 5th baby (Jack) was born...4th uc. I've lurked but have honestly resisted posting, because of the uncomfortableness of some threads. Although I think I may have information to share, I stop because having journeyed from baby #1 hopsital birth to baby #5...off the grid...I have become more reclusive. I am an expert with my body alone and wouldn't want to steer someone from UC or towards UC for the wrong reasons.

Those mamas who choose to really really work through the concept and act of UC I think take everything with a grain of salt and are smart enough to come to their own conclusions based on the tremendous amount of info out there. But the fear mongering that I've seen here and other places...even on the playground if you can believe it...can be overwhelming at best. I don't want to confuse anyone, nor do I want to debate either.

When I started thinking about better births back in 2004 (?wha??) I came here and really felt the love from you "thinkingmamas", not know-it-alls (there's a difference).

I just want to see the love again for those new mamas who have a deep need for knowledge as their paridigm shifts.

lots of love

aj

[MissMia]

I rarely post here because it is too public for my taste.  I prefer closed forums where a simple internet search won't bring up posts I have written.  

I would love for this forum to be similar to the natural birth groups at cafemom, where one must agree to certain rules when they join, and the forum is private.  But easy to join.  If anyone does not follow the rules or stirs up trouble, kick them out.  Because I don't post here often I am not eligible to join the private UC forum.  I personally think it should be easier to join the private UC forum here, it will become apparent right away who belongs there and who doesn't.  

[RubyLu]

I'm new to the boards and even newer to considering UC but I've been grateful for the community here, even as it is (there's more going on than I am aware, obviously!). On the one post I started, with a question about whether I was considering UC for the right reasons, I received encouragement, the recommendation to listen to my own heart, warnings about being too anti-medical establishment, further encouraged to do my own research and really dig into my own needs/thoughts, and allowed to pop around and read the rest of the threads and soak up what I could here. And it was what I needed. Thank you. I was able to decide that at this time, with this pregnancy, I wasn't prepared to UC and I'm now very at peace with that decision. But if I hadn't been able to explore the option? Well, I can't imagine peace without knowing there are options out there and being able to discuss them calmly with others. Restrictions like that just create struggles in me. So, again,  thank you!

[Paigekitten]

Originally Posted by MissMia 

I rarely post here because it is too public for my taste.  I prefer closed forums where a simple internet search won't bring up posts I have written.  

I would love for this forum to be similar to the natural birth groups at cafemom, where one must agree to certain rules when they join, and the forum is private.  But easy to join.  If anyone does not follow the rules or stirs up trouble, kick them out.  Because I don't post here often I am not eligible to join the private UC forum.  I personally think it should be easier to join the private UC forum here, it will become apparent right away who belongs there and who doesn't.  

[mommajam]

I am not a frequent visitor to this forum.  I have had one UC.  For the sake of privacy and protection, IRL I tend to play it off as a totally unplanned UC, but in reality it was planned UC with the possibility of going elsewhere should I change my mind or think it necessary.  That was in 2007.  I don't know about the changes that have taken place since then since, as I said, I have rarely visited after that child was born.  What i can say is how much I appreciated the knowledge I did receive from this site.  One of the most helpful things was being able to bring up medical advice or issues, this forum was particularly helpful in seeking out more/alternative information. What I heard from the doctors and midwives was a certain set of info, and only a certain track to find out more.  Here at the UC forums, bringing up those issues in a wwyd or what do you think about this?  type way (or just looking for other posts that asked the same questions) often led me to finding different studies or a different perspective on the info I had that helped me to delve deeper, be actually better educated, and make a better decision. There were things that I hadn't even known to consider before I came to this site.  There were other things I had been considering, but didn't know where to get the info I needed to really understand or decide something. There were some things where I had plenty of information, but was having difficulty deciding. 

The other things I found particularly helpful were all the discussion of the ..."mechanics" (for lack of a better word) .. of having a UC. What did you gather to prepare and where did you get your supplies? Where did you labor? How did you clean up? Did you monitor your own baby's heartrate or check yourself or not and why? If you tore, what did you do about it after? How did you go about getting the birth certificate? How did you decide to cut the cord (thread? buy one of the clamps the hospitals use?) etc.

And last but not least were all of the personal experiences.  What worked, what didn't, who transferred and why.  Stories of successful births. Also a few where the baby died.. and why and how and what happened.  It all gave me a wider view of what was possible and how to gauge things. 

I remember the basic "voice" of the forums being very supportive and encouraging, with a good deal of knowledge, pointing to a lot of helpful resources, and not afraid to encourage or support someone who was finding the need to give up the UC because of various indications of a problem.  I didn't find a very anti-medical stance, only one that kept a healthy, respectful distance, with the acknowledgement that much of our current medical practices are good in their place, but the problem is that too often they are overflowing into areas where they don't belong and causing problems.

again, I don't necessarily know what has changed as I have just started back here again today, but I at least wanted to give you the idea of what I hope can continue here at the UC MDC forum. Oh, and I like that it is public, because I don't think I would have had the courage to search and then participate if it were a private forum during that pregnancy. When I first started looking here I was not convinced that this was a real option, only starting to think maybe it was worth exploring. Delving into the forums anonymously gave me the opportunity to get a really good look and slowly built up both my knowledge base and my courage. I think having a good public forum is so helpful to spread the "word" and help others to learn about UC and all it's possibilities... and maybe even change some minds.

toddler needs me, gotta go.

[Right of Passage]

Originally Posted by zoebird 

that's largely been my experience, too, sharlla.

only recently have things seemed. . .strange. but i've just gotten back from my MDC break (which lasted from Sept/Oct 2010 to about May/June 2011.

I had a similar break and I've noticed the same thing. A lot of things have changed, and everything seemed off. I feel there is a lot of judgement not just from "trolls" but from within the UC community itself. But I could just be the only one.

[rebirth]

Originally Posted by MissMia 

I rarely post here because it is too public for my taste.  I prefer closed forums where a simple internet search won't bring up posts I have written.  

I would love for this forum to be similar to the natural birth groups at cafemom, where one must agree to certain rules when they join, and the forum is private.  But easy to join.  If anyone does not follow the rules or stirs up trouble, kick them out.  Because I don't post here often I am not eligible to join the private UC forum.  I personally think it should be easier to join the private UC forum here, it will become apparent right away who belongs there and who doesn't.  

exactly!

[Honey693]

I think this is my first post here, but I had an accidental UC 10 months ago.  It was (mostly) awesome, but next time I'll be calling the midwife earlier b/c I don't think I could do it again.
 

Originally Posted by nursingmommaof2 

I would like it if Mothering stopped deleting any mention of a UC going badly. There have been many UC deaths that have been quickly covered up. Keeping those threads alive would alert potential UCs to the real risks of UC.

This.  Hospital horror stories are allowed so I don't see why UC and hb should be any different.  No matter what kind of birth I'm planning I want to hear the pros and cons, the awesome stories and the awful ones.  If I didn't want to hear any dissenting opinions I wouldn't talk about it anywhere, to anyone.