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When are you planning on telling your children?

post #1 of 34
Thread Starter 

I have a 7 year old and 3 year old.  I am only 5 weeks, but wondering when we will tell the 7 year old.  My DH travels Monday - Thursday, so I am alone with the boys all week long.  I know that my napping and overall exhaustion is annoying for my 7 year old even though he is very sweet and understanding.  I am thinking that if we tell him that there will be a new baby, it might make the slower pace for the next couple weeks a little more bearable for him.  If anything were to happen, I think that he would handle it fine. I know that I cannot wait until the 2 trimester because I will be showing way before then and he will definitely notice and question it  (when I was preggers with my youngest and he was 3.5, he looked at me at about 6 weeks and said, 'you look like you have a baby in there.') When are you planning on telling your kids? 

post #2 of 34

My guys are only 2.5 and LOVE babies but I think they don't really understand the whole concept of baby in belly but we will be starting a co-op preschool next month so I think it will be easier once they are in that environment to get that conversation going. So to answer your question... probably not till 2nd trimester some time.

post #3 of 34

I already told my son, Charlie. He'll be three in August. Mostly I told him because I suck at keeping secrets and I want to talk about things with my husband without using code words.

 

Charlie is in day care, so he has seen a lot of his friends' moms have babies in their tummies and then later he's seen them with the babies after they're born. So I think he has a decent grasp on the concept for his age. It's been about a week, and he will sometimes say, "Hi Mom! Hi baby in Mom's tummy!" He also asks when it's going to come out, and I say, "Not for a long time." That seems to satisfy him, but I expect a lot more questions as he ponders it over the next 8 months.

post #4 of 34

I haven't told william (2.5) yet. In nov I miscarried and he kept saying. "baby gone" and things like that. :( Best to wait for 12ish weeks.

post #5 of 34

I think if I did have a miscarriage, I would just keep telling him "Not for a long time," because I'd be trying to get pregnant again right away anyway. He wouldn't know the difference.

post #6 of 34

Honestly I think we will just wait until my 6 year old notices that something is up (and hopefully that won't be until after our 8 wk U/S).  I just couldn't bear telling them about a m/c :(

post #7 of 34

I told my 5 year old daughter. I've been so tired, and I feel like I needed to explain it a little to her. I'm hoping she doesn't announce it to much, and I really hope we don't experience a loss. I kinda feel like I'm jinxing this pregnancy with how many people know.

post #8 of 34

Haven't told DD (4-1/2) yet b/c she is a huge blabbermouth, lol.  Will probably tell her in another week or so when we start telling people IRL.

post #9 of 34

I've told my sons, 5 and 4. The younger one was very worried that I had been eating a baby (since it was in my tummy, how else did it get there?!), but the 5 year old is happy. He said he couldn't decide if he wanted a brother or a sister and maybe I could have two babies? I said it really wasn't up to us, so now he's settled on a little sister. They know that the baby has to spend a lot of time in my belly and we looked at some pictures so they can see how it will grow. It's a good biology lesson, lol. 

As for a m/c, I will tell them if it comes to that. I think it's important that children know about their siblings that didn't make it into the world. My parents had a stillborn baby at 7 months and it was very important for me at the time to know what was going on and to grieve and I think that helped me when I lost my babies.

post #10 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by freelancemom View Post

The younger one was very worried that I had been eating a baby (since it was in my tummy, how else did it get there?!)



LOL, I love it! Very logical!

post #11 of 34

we aren't going to tell our boys (10, 8, 4) until at least after my first prenatal visit at 8 weeks.  This is a surprise baby and while I don't think it will cause a negative reaction in the boys, it has been hard for dh and I to fully accept it as real.  Honestly, I've woken up several mornings and asked him if I was dreaming up the pregnancy.  We'd really rather not tell "the world" until early Sept, so it might be best to keep it from the boys as long as possible!

 

For some reason, I'm really dreading the inevitable question from people: "so you decided to try for a girl?"  I might need a t-shirt that says, "I have 3 boys and I want another!" 

post #12 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3surfboys View Post

For some reason, I'm really dreading the inevitable question from people: "so you decided to try for a girl?"  I might need a t-shirt that says, "I have 3 boys and I want another!" 


Why do people always assume you'd want one of the opposite sex? I grew up with all sisters and everyone assumed my parents were trying for a boy (there were 5 of us). Now I have two boys and would LOVE two more and everyone says, "Oh, now you can finally get your girl!" Of course, I will be thrilled with anything, but I find it odd that people assume you must want the gender you don't have. shrug.gif

 

post #13 of 34

We told our 27-month-old DD right after we got our BFP.  We want to be open and honest with her throughout the whole pregnancy (on a level that she can understand) and for her to be involved every step of the way.  She went with me to my first appointment with my midwife yesterday and she will be coming to all of the other appointments too.   We are planning a home birth and she will be in the house with us; of course she will have the option to leave the room at any point or stay with us, totally up to her.  If we did experience a pregnancy loss, we would explain things as best as we could to her.  She is a very intuitive little lady and would know something is up; I don't want to try to hide anything from her. 

 

I also still breastfeed DD and have already noticed a change in my supply and it is becoming increasingly uncomfortable when she nurses.  Also trying to explain that as best as I can and hoping that if weaning is in our future, either on her part or mine, that by being honest with her it might help facilitate a more gentle experience for both of us.   

 

 Besides, if I'm as sick with this baby as I was with DD in my first trimester, there will definitely be no hiding anything from her!!!

 

 

post #14 of 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamathomas View Post
 Besides, if I'm as sick with this baby as I was with DD in my first trimester, there will definitely be no hiding anything from her!!!

 

 



DD was 25 months when I got pregnant with DS, and I had a little morning sickness with him, including some occasional vomiting.  DD would watch me making use of the toilet with great interest and then use the limited vocabulary she had to describe what I was doing.  "Mommy burp," she said.  lol.

post #15 of 34

My DS turns 7 in a little over a week. Next weekend we are having his birthday party and then next day my SIL from out of town will be here for a few days so I am thinking we will probably tell DS next Sunday morning and then to help him feel included have him either wear or shirt or some how be in on the telling of our family. His dad and step mom are expecting in Sept so he gets the concept really well and when he first found out they were pregnant thought it was time for DH and I. Lets hope he keeps that mentality.

post #16 of 34

I am planning on making a treasure hunt with my GPS unit.  We love to geocache, so they will think its just a regular cache we are looking for and not know its just for them.  Inside I will have a note and maybe some pink and blue treats.

post #17 of 34

We won't be telling for a while since they would likely spread the news and we would like to do that ourselves. I'm thinking 3-4 months at least.

post #18 of 34

We told our DD (27 months) right away.  She's so young that I don't think she really gets it.  The news of my pregnancy is public knowledge.  Of course, I'm afraid of having a miscarriage (I'm 4 weeks today), but I would rather have the support of the people around us if we did.  I don't want to lose the chance to bond with my baby and allow my daughter to bond with her sibling even if it ends up being for a short time.

post #19 of 34
Thread Starter 

I love hearing everyone's different reasons and plans.  We decided to tell the boys, but I don't know when.  We just saw my friend and her 9 week old this weekend and my 7 year old did not want to give up holding him and when anyone else was holding him he was cooing and making a fuss over everything that he did.  We will probably tell them next weekend since we will have a family party and I am a little nervous about someone else spilling the beans.

post #20 of 34

I have no idea when we'll tell the kids.  It will be a while.  I don't even feel like telling anyone for a while.  I'm hoping to be able to wait until Sept/Oct to really tell anyone.  I'm coaching a softball season that ends in the middle of October - I will still have 5 months to go at that point and am currently hoping/planning to wait until then to say anything.  The only really reason I will say anything then is because I want to tell the head coach that I don't plan to be around for the Varsity season for the first time since 2002.  I've been on the Varsity staff since I started there and only coached JV last year for the first time.  This year, I plan to only coach the JV season.  That worries me a little because we have a new coach coming out to help.  I want her there.  She'll be great for us all, but I do worry she will "take my place" because she's got the same qualifications I had when I started.  I could just coach through the season because I've done it before, but it wasn't easy.  I'd rather just focus on baby and family this time around.

 

Anyway - getting off track, sorry. 

 

So basically don't know when we'll tell them and don't really have any super solid plans about it yet.

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