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Harsh comments and insensitive strangers

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

I don't know about anyone else, but I am so tired of people telling me "OMG! You look SO big! You're never going to make it to September 7!"  The first time someone said that, I went home and cried!  I am shocked every time I hear it.  With my first daughter, I gained 50 lbs.  I gained 30 lbs with daughter #2.  Now I have only gained 17lbs this time around.  My belly is all in front; you can hardly tell I am pregnant from behind.  AND I am still wearing my regular jeans, buttoned and zipped!!!  I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but does anyone else hear the same thing and how are you handling it?  I am hoping for a better solution than either wanting to slap them (sister included) or cry.

post #2 of 20

I know I look a lot bigger than I did with my first, but I am really tired of everyone saying, "Are you sure it's not twins???" Yes, I am sure!

 

I usually don't let my anger show, but the last time someone said that to me, I said, "Just so you know, that's the meanest thing you can say to a pregnant woman."

post #3 of 20

The lady who owns our local nursery said: "You are so HUGE you must be ready to have the baby any day!"hopmad.gif Thats when I was only 20 weeks, its my 3rd baby.  Now I will drive 45 minutes to buy plants!

 

I went to the hardware store to buy fans, mentally prepareing myself for comments from the guys.  All I got was "Your Pregnant, glad I'm not a woman, you must be miserable.".....nice observation, No Shit I'm pregnant! lol

post #4 of 20
I feel ya sister. I have only gained 18 pounds at 32 weeks so far, but I am bigger this time around. redface.gif

Honestly I just let these comments slide, knowing that soon I won't have this beautiful belly in front of me anymore and that no matter how big/small I am, this time and shape of my body needs to be savored.
Besides, these people don't seem to get that pregnancy is not about being skinny! Geez......this societies priorities are so outta wack!

I'm sure u are beautiful and thriving. Don't allow other people's judgements affect your day. smile.gif. Just smile at them
post #5 of 20

I am 28 weeks and I actually still get the comment now "I didn't know you were pregnant!" that actually bothers me more. I'd rather have people calling me huge. (I think). I am plus size anyway, and have only gained 5 lbs, but I do definitely have a bump.

 

As far as how to handle it, you could always joke, and say, "actually, it's triplets, and they were due last week!" - only works with strangers though!

post #6 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

I am 28 weeks and I actually still get the comment now "I didn't know you were pregnant!" that actually bothers me more. I'd rather have people calling me huge. (I think). I am plus size anyway, and have only gained 5 lbs, but I do definitely have a bump.

 

 

I am in the same boat. I often wonder if people don't say anything because I am big to begin with and they are afraid of being wrong or they really can't tell.


I agree, I would rather people tell me I am huge over not knowing.  I think that's been the hardest thing for me. I always wanted to be that cute pregnant woman and I will never be that (this is my last).

post #7 of 20

i was called a "beached whale" once during my pregnancy with ds2 :( that really stuck with me. some people are such jerks.

i know how you feel, scsigrl.i have always wanted to be that cute pregnant woman, all belly and getting comments on how great i look but it's never going to happen :( i do, however, have a very talented photographer who has made me feel better (and i've only seen 3 shots from the maternity shoot we did!)

post #8 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by tjjazzy View Post

i was called a "beached whale" once during my pregnancy with ds2 :( that really stuck with me. some people are such jerks.

i know how you feel, scsigrl.i have always wanted to be that cute pregnant woman, all belly and getting comments on how great i look but it's never going to happen :( i do, however, have a very talented photographer who has made me feel better (and i've only seen 3 shots from the maternity shoot we did!)



I always wanted to do a belly shoot.  Wish you were closer as I could use a good photog if I WERE to do that.  I just am not sure I want to remember this in that way. Not sure I will see past the fat to the beautiful baby in there.  Oh well.  Guess it can't all be perfect!  

I have big plans once this baby is here.  Couch to 5 K is what I would love to try!

post #9 of 20

And just as bad as the rude comments are the big eyes I get from people when they ask when i'm due and tell them i have 7 weeks left... OH WOW (giant eyes)! Like they expected my water to break right there and go into labor. LOL.

 

 

post #10 of 20
Thread Starter 

Thanks to everyone.  I feel a lot better now.  It just bugs me sometimes, especially the people who are close to me.  My younger sister has no children and is a nurse at a hospital.  She was telling me how all the women that are pregnant that work with her are skinny except for the bump in the front.  Which is nothing like me.  I don't know why she felt it was necessary to tell me that, considering how I had just told her how I was feeling.  Thank goodness for the bf who tells me I am more beautiful now then when we met. 

post #11 of 20

I get this too. All. The. Time. The big eyes... the twins comments, the "you're huge" comments. I don't know.... I don't mind it so much, but it does get old after a while.

 

I was in the hallway of the clinic on Thursday and some administrative type woman walked by and said, "Don't have that baby right here and now!!" For some reason, above all other comments, THAT annoyed me! Really, lady? You work in a medical clinic filled with pregnant women and you say that to a pregnant woman??! Ugh.

post #12 of 20

I get comments like that all the time and I know a bunch of other pregnant women that I'm compared to. I usually retort with my midwife said .... and give them info about how healthy I am and that there are no concerns, and then let them know big babies just run in our family. Most of the time the facts actually work. Unless it was my usually very supportive mother who over the holiday I actually had to tell her to "LAY OFF the twin comments."  It was getting to me because she kept talking about hearts beating in unison and how it often gets missed.... I'm really no bigger than I was with my last pregnancy, have gained less weight, started out weighing a good ten pounds less. She knew I was pissed and hasn't said anything since.

For a while I was also getting, you're so big you'll have to have a c/s! When I tell them the baby only weighs about 3 lbs this far into the pregnancy it shuts them up. Most of the comments are pure ignorance.

post #13 of 20

I am getting these comments too - so annoying....and I definitely wouldn't describe myself as huge, a bit bigger than my last two pregnancies, but no way do I look 40wks.  I think people just don't know, or don't remember how big you really get toward the very end (or they put it out of their memory because they don't want to remember).  I have one client who is about 95lbs. who has a 20ish year old only son who comments every week I see her as to how huge I am getting and how much longer I have to go.  For a while it was bothering me, but now I just brush it off.  I feel good and that is all that matters.

post #14 of 20

My own mom is the biggest offender on this one. She thinks that the reason I have such big babies (9 lbs, 15 oz boy at 40 weeks and 8 lbs, 1 oz girl at 38 weeks) is because of the amount of weight I gained. How frustrating is that! I have gained about 20 lbs at 29 weeks and she thinks that is too much, when I started out underweight. Insanity. Her own experience is that she is a horrible eater and drinks almost zero water so she is chronically dehydrated (when I ask her how much water she has had she says, well I had two cups of coffee!). She had her babies in the late 60s/70s when doctors recommended women gain very little. She gained very little in her pregnancies and experienced pre-eclampsia, very likely due to malnutrition. Which she probably doesn't know and would never admit if she did. So....it's hard to brush it off when it's your own mom but like others, I would have to say that these comments they make say more about THEM than they do about YOU. :)

 

Oh and I have to say, you definitely forget exactly what women look like when they are in the final two months or so of pregnancy. I just did a prenatal video over the weekend and although I feel like my own belly is huge, I was taking a close look at the third trimester lady in the video and how the roundness of her belly goes ALL the way up to her breasts and thinking, I actually do have quite a bit more growing to do.

post #15 of 20

Some people are so rude!  Why do they feel like they have to say ANYTHING?

post #16 of 20

Sounds like your mom and my MIL had similar experiences. I've posted elsewhere about her negative comments about how there must be something wrong during my pregnancy have lead me to make the decision not to talk or communicate with her this pregnancy. I feel like I learned my lesson last time.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracecody View Post

My own mom is the biggest offender on this one. She thinks that the reason I have such big babies (9 lbs, 15 oz boy at 40 weeks and 8 lbs, 1 oz girl at 38 weeks) is because of the amount of weight I gained. How frustrating is that! I have gained about 20 lbs at 29 weeks and she thinks that is too much, when I started out underweight. Insanity. Her own experience is that she is a horrible eater and drinks almost zero water so she is chronically dehydrated (when I ask her how much water she has had she says, well I had two cups of coffee!). She had her babies in the late 60s/70s when doctors recommended women gain very little. She gained very little in her pregnancies and experienced pre-eclampsia, very likely due to malnutrition. Which she probably doesn't know and would never admit if she did. So....it's hard to brush it off when it's your own mom but like others, I would have to say that these comments they make say more about THEM than they do about YOU. :)

 

Oh and I have to say, you definitely forget exactly what women look like when they are in the final two months or so of pregnancy. I just did a prenatal video over the weekend and although I feel like my own belly is huge, I was taking a close look at the third trimester lady in the video and how the roundness of her belly goes ALL the way up to her breasts and thinking, I actually do have quite a bit more growing to do.



 

post #17 of 20

time4latte - in my last pregnancy I communicated very little with my mom on purpose. I really wanted it to be a positive experience and to enjoy it completely and hadn't figured out a way to cope with her negativity and constant worrying. I never even told her I was planning a homebirth or that I ultimately had the baby at home, until she found out from someone else a few months after the birth. She was deeply hurt by it. Since then our relationship has changed to where I am able to feel more empathy and understand the things that have happened in her life and how they have affected her. she still needs to keep her mouth shut more often though as she is a harsh critic. Anyway, I know where you're coming from and sometimes the best option is just to shut them out completely, sad as it is. You have to look out for you and your baby and do what you need to do.

post #18 of 20

I've been getting more people bugging me about emotions than physical appearance. I've had a couple people say "well, I didn't want to argue with the pregnant woman" when I was incorrect about something and it would have really helped if they had corrected me in the beginning. Maybe I've been more emotional than I thought lol. I was also talking to one woman about how our team shouldn't be doing this one task because it takes a really long time and only really benefits a different company all together. It never will benefit our company and they are taking advantage of us by getting us to do work that they could easily do themselves, as well as our employees aren't able to get their own work done because of it. She told me to "calm down. You sound like you're going to have your baby!". I didn't think I was getting so worked up but maybe that's how it came across on the phone.

Those types of comments really irritate me.

post #19 of 20

My mom has her theory that if you're having a boy you carry it all over and if it's a girl it's all up front in the belly.  So when I was pregnant with my son, after we'd found out it was a boy, she went around telling everyone she knew it was a boy because of how big my butt had gotten.  I didn't talk to her for at least two weeks.  I definitely notice the difference with this pregnancy, it's girl and her theory is holding true because it's all up front, not that I believe her theory.  My friend just had her baby a couple weeks ago and a couple of our friends, her included, were going on and on about how huge I am and how we were almost the same size.  Now I know I'm all belly but we were definitely not even close to the same size.  Besides I'm quite a bit smaller than she is to start, so it only makes sense that if I'm carrying the baby all up front my stomach is going to be bigger, there's nowhere else for the baby to go.  I take solace in the fact that I've been eating whatever I want because I know how easily I can lose it afterwards, yet still I've only gained about 3 lbs a month, which is right on the recommended weight gain. 

 

More so I'm not looking forward to those early weeks post partum, when everyone has to come hold the baby but as soon as the baby squirms or whimpers or turns her head ever so slightly she suddenly becomes a hot potato and they have to hand her off to you as quickly as possible because she must be hungry.  Even if I fed the baby 15 seconds earlier any fussing must be because I, the bad mother that I am, didn't feed her enough and she's hungrily routing at them for food.  Drives me insane, especially when I'm already feeling permanently latched to the baby and a brief break of someone else holding her is sweet relief. 

post #20 of 20

Those remarks never bother me. The ones that bother me are along the lines of "oh, I didn't know you are pregnant" when I am huge! What did they think I am! I would rather have someone say I am huge and I don't look like I could make it to end of September than have them look at my big ole self and say they couldn't tell I was pregnant. I looked very forward to being pregnant and looking pregnant and ...dangit..I want someone to notice! (and by the way, I DO look pregnant!)

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