I'm new...

[missdiamondbc]

To both this forum and being a single mom.  Somebody from another forum sent me over here, that one doesn't have a single moms forum.

I have two kids, a 4 1/2 year old girl and a 6 month old boy.  I was with my ex for 6 years, but we were never married.  He left at the beginning of April.  We have 50/50 custody (his choice).  I am living in the house we rented in February.  He is living with his "friend" (who lives with her uncle and cousin, so it's a full house over there).  I'm going to fully admit that I am not dealing well with this.  It's not as bad as it was, but the bitterness, anger, and loneliness just tear me up sometimes.

My ex is on a very high horse right now and is living the high life.  He gets to do what I would get angry with him for doing...going out to the bar and staying out all night.  With her.  He claims they are not together, that they are just friends, but we were never right after she came back to town last summer (I was about 3 months pregnant).  They texted all the time, midnight and early morning phone calls.  For 5 years he never once went to a bar or stayed out all night, and all of a sudden was doing it all the time.  So what was I supposed to think?  Now he's living there and she has my children 50% of the time.  She can't have kids so this is her chance.  I feel bad for her, but they are MY kids, NOT hers.  She watches them until he gets home from work and gets up in the morning to help him get them ready.  I have the summer off (I'm a teacher), but he insists that she pick them up at 9am on HIS days to spend the day at their house instead of here.  I fought and fought, and the only way for me to win would be to go to court.

We are trying to avoid court at all costs.  We are working on a custody agreement (he won't agree to what I wrote up) that we will get notorized.  If we go to court I will end up paying him child support because I make much more than him (yet I barely have the money to pay my bills).  Yes, even with 50/50 custody I will still end up paying him support.  We have agreed to a no support agreement.  We will split daycare once I go back to work.

Thank you if you made it this far :)  I'm glad to know that I have a place to go for advice and support from people that have been there and are living it.

[PiperLime]

Hugs mama! We're here for you, keep doing your best for the babes. It gets easier!

[floss&ferd]

I understand that you are trying to avoid lawyers/court, but just consulting with a lawayer may be a good idea.  Your agreement sounds more like it's HIS agreement then something you actually agree/compromise on.

Some states have visitation guidelines.  You could try and look at those.

I would NOT be ok with girlfriend keeping the kids if I was home.  According to our guidelines, if one parent cannot keep kids during parenting time, then the other parent gets right of first refusal and the opportunity to spend that time with the kids.  Time with parents trumps girl/boyfriends, step parents, grandparents, etc.  

Child support to based on the number of overnights.  If you agree to 50/50, that's fine.  But if you don't really think it's in the best interest of your children, then check those guidelines or start asking around about what is normal for your area.

[ZoeyZoo]

I totally understand where you come from. I got hit with CS and alimony since I made more.

We did get lawyers involved. We hammered a lot of it out, had a lawyer draft it formally, and then hired separate lawyers to review it.