For example, yesterday she ran from me in a parking lot, right behind a running car. Thankfully, they pulled through forward rather than reversing, but it stopped my heart. I was frightened, and told my DD that her behavior means I cannot take her on errands, and that people don't look for kids running alone in parking lots because they are supposed to be with adults. Her answer? "I don't want to hold your hand. You need to tell them to watch for me.". I answered that because she ran from me, I was taking away one of her TV privlagea for the day. Cue a screaming, crying, tantrum about how she doesn't want a mom like me, I have no right to take away her TV, etc. Interestingly enough, when DH got home and offered to turn on a show for her, she told him about losing the privilege for running in the parking lot. So I suppose it worked, but gosh the tantrum!
The day before, at 9:30: DD: "Get me some chocolate milk and turn on a show for me."
Me: "Chocolate milk is for after lunchtime, you can have some then. And no, you cannot have a show now because you already had your morning show. You get another show after lunchtime."
DD then makes what I consider to be her frustrated noise, which is a sound of pure exasperation somewhere between a humph and a screem. Then she yells "Get me my chocolate milk now!".
Me: "No chocolate milk. You can have regular milk, or water. Would you like a straw? Cup with a lid?"
DD shreaks then screams "I want chocolate milk! When your kid tells you to do something you have to do it!"
Me: "Please don't yell. I don't like it. My job as your mom is to help keep you healthy, and too much chocolate milk isn't healthy."
DD, still yelling: "It is!"
Me: "no, it is not."
At this point DD screams and runs away crying. I, of course, feel like the Devil incarnate for being not just giving her the milk, but I don't want a sugared up TV zombie for a child, you know?
Last night at bedtime, I asked her to brush her teeth and then I would read her a story.
DD "you brush my teeth."
Me "sorry, I need to put The baby to bed, but if you do it we will be ready for stories once the baby is sleeping."
DD "I can't brush my teeth. You need to do it."
Me: "you brushed them yourself last night and did a good job. Please do it while I get the baby to bed."
DH "I will help you."
DD screams "not you! Mommy!!"
Me: "Once your teeth are brushed, I will read to you."
I proceeded to put the baby to bed. DD proceeded to have a total meltdown tantrum on the bathroom floor. DH tried to help her once again, but she just screams at him. I couldn't help until after the baby was in bed, about 20 minutes later. She calmed fairly quickly once I was there, and we talked about her behavior. She said "having my teeth brushed makes me feel like family.". This of course made me feel terrible, and shows me that she is feeling a lack of attention due to the baby. I brushed her teeth, did the story, and put her to bed.
I guess lately I just feel like she doesn't listen to me or do what i say at all. If I say pick up your toys, she says "you can do it". Same for buckling into car seats, putting dishes in the sink, etc. Everything is a battle. If the consequence isn't clear, nothing gets done. I feel like I am making threats all day long. (loss of privilege, loss of toy, no dessert, etc.)
As a child i was terrified to defy my parents because they spanked. I don't want to raise my child to fear me, but I'm feeling at this point like i don't even have her respect. What can I do to help her understand that I am the parent here and responsible for making and enforcing rules? I feel like the constant threats are not teaching her an internal locus of control, but otherwise I am totally out of control and DD would be watching TV all day, eating sugar, and getting hit by cars. Help!