texanromaniac, that does sound rough, especially with all the pregnancy hormones, feeling sick, etc. I totally understand venting. I think it really helps me get my head around my feelings.
Emotional vent post - say it here! - Page 4
Disclaimer: I know lots you ladies have been trying to conceive for a long time and it wasn't easy for you. Please don't take this next rant the wrong way....
I shouldn't even say this but, I feel cheated somewhat for being pregnant again. Our ds is only 9 months and I wasn't ready for another. I know in the big picture it's not a huge deal but still...I was enjoying my body returning to it's natural shape and being able to have a few glasses of wine once in a while.
Today I lost it at our family reunion. Everyone is drinking and having a great time and I'm stuck with both kids feeding, changing and trying to get them to sleep in a hotel. I feel somewhat deprived of being myself. Instead, not only am I mommy, my body is now being taken over too.
Selfishly, I do have to say I'm having a hard time being excited about this pregnancy. We've told most of our family and I always feel the need to add that it was a VERY unexpected surprise. I don't want anyone else to get excited because I'm not excited.
I know long term I will love this baby just as much as my other children but something inside of me just wants to scream.
There, I said it. I know it's awful but it's how I feel.
Alyadri, don't feel bad. You will love the baby once it arrives and I totally understand how you feel. While I'm not feeling unhappy with this pregnancy (well, except when I have to puke every five minutes and DH asks WHY), I found myself pregnant when my first was 7 months old and I was horrified. I felt the same, losing my body again before I even had a chance to get it back, I couldn't go out for the festivals that everyone else did because I was pregnant AND had a baby to deal with. And on top of it all, I felt horribly guilty that my firstborn wasn't going to enjoy two years of being an only child. I was sure I was cheating him out of a special experience by having a baby so soon after him.
The end result was that I was depressed during the pregnancy (personally, I think I still had post-partum depression from the first) and right up until about 8 months when I started to get excited. When my second son was born, he was wonderful and perfect and of course, I loved him just as much as the first.
We can't always help our feelings, particularly this early in the pregnancy when you probably don't feel great anyway and are just dreading the next several months. I think it's perfectly normal, so don't beat yourself up over it!
You are not the only one. I am also having trouble getting excited about this baby.
This was not planned--we actually talked it over several months ago and decided that we were done with two. My kids are 6 and 3 and they are finally somewhat independent. They are out of diapers and they sleep thru the night and it is finally easier to take trips, etc. My youngest is starting preschool in the fall and I was really looking forward to a few hours alone 2 days/week. I am so not ready to start over with the diapers and the sleep deprivation and the teething, etc. I am also not ready to turn my kids world upsidedown as our little family of four seems so perfect right now.
I still haven't told hardly anyone about this pregnancy--partly because we have a history of loss but partly because I'm just not happy about it
I feel really horrible about posting what I did but, unfortunately I can't lie to myself and pretend those feelings aren't there. I'm sorry there are others feeling the same way. Again, I know I will be excited soon enough but it just feels so overwhelming right now. Our son had colic for the first 6 months and we're finally able to enjoy the little boy we always knew was there!
On a side note, I hope everyone has a great day today
Argh, I think I need to get off of DDC's now because it seems almost every time I click in, someone is miscarrying or having a late loss. I haven't even been to the doctor yet for our first visit and I'm already an anxious wreck. Perhaps it's the hormones, but IRL and online people seem to be losing their pregnancies right and left. I'm freaking out. :( I just needed to get that out. I don't mean to be a downer, and I'm sure much of this anxiety is hormone fueled, but I'm just super paranoid. I've only had one loss and it was very very early, so now that I get farther along, I just get more stressed out.
Had a total meltdown last night. I'm feeling so sick that I can barely move and am feeling so utterly guilty that I haven't been able to do anything outside the house with DD. I'll be 9w this Thursday and am just trying to hold on to hope that it will eventually get better. I can't take this much longer.
I'm having a bad day (after a few bad days). Dh is super busy at work; he's been getting home after 11pm. He took a pillow with him this morning and likely won't be back until late Sat. OK, I can handle that; lots of moms have their dps away for way longer. I emailed dh today to whine a bit and ask how things are going. He hasn't emailed me back yet. And I want chicken wings.
This morning I posted that I wish I could go to the hot springs, but they're two hours away and I'm not up to driving. Now - I KNOW sitting in the HOT water is not a good thing. Most of the developed hot springs actually have 2-4 pools of varying temperatures. While the hot pool may be 105*, they have pools that are around 75-80* and would be perfect for me. I've been down this road - I know really hot baths aren't okay. Anyways, an inlaw from the other side of his family posted something along the lines of "ya know, that is NOT healthy for the baby!" Yeah, I know. I am also not going, because driving two hours up a curvy mountain road each way is asking for me to start barfing.
I don't get why some people get all rude and pushy when you're pregnant or have a kid. I could go into all of the stuff they've pulled, and some of it is really ridiculous. But I won't...I don't need to get my blood pressure up over people being stupid.
cameragirl, I am flabbergasted that grown adults think it's OK to post, posing as someone else, just to stir stuff up. It's great that his parents have figured out what's going on and are supporting you.
Dh is back in my good books; he did email me back with a little lovey note, and then he ended up coming home instead of sleeping at work.
It's only 8:30 here, but it's already time for my emotional vent post of the day. (I've come back here after writing the rest of this post and I thought I should add a teal deer warning. I get rambly sometimes. Also, the whole thing is kind of whiny.) I cannot get my mind off twins. It's not good for me; I tend to obsess and block out other important things when I get like this, and obsessing won't make a difference one way or the other. I miscarried twins between my second and third kids; I was 10 weeks pregnant when I lost them, but they looked 8 weeks along.
The last couple of days have seemed designed to keep me thinking about twins. It was the birthday of twin brothers who are friends of mine on facebook, and they were wishing each other happy birthday. On the radio, someone from a musical group was talking about her partner, who is their sound manager and the father of their (pause for effect)... twins! Now, I know I'm going to hear about twins if I hang out on a pregnancy forum, but I don't remember hearing about them so much as I have in the last couple of days. When I checked out another ddc, the newest post was a mom posting to say she just found out she's carrying twins, which will be her 6th and 7th babies (just like it would be for me if I were carrying twins). She's the third mom in that ddc to find out it's twins. Then I wasn't even on a pregnancy board, but someone posted a link to a couple of twin birth stories out of the blue, and one of those was another mom having #6 and #7.
And this morning, it occurred to me that, hey, I have been this far pregnant with twins before... maybe I can dig up a journal or old MDC post and compare how I was feeling then with how I'm feeling now! No luck with MDC, as I joined halfway through the next pregnancy, but I did manage to dig up a journal from that time. I was fuzzy on the details; I only knew I had been pregnant in the summer and miscarried in early September. I happened to be journaling fairly regularly at that time. I don't have a due date listed because my cycles were wonky and I miscarried before they did an u/s, but I got a faint positive on July 31st. With this pregnancy, I got my first faint positive on July 24th. So I'm guessing I would have been due in the same month. Now, I don't really believe in signs or whatever, but this feels like it's a bit over the top. Like it's some kind of cosmic joke and I'm being set up to believe it's twins. I wrote a bit in my journal about my symptoms, but nothing unusual; I know I didn't throw up with that pregnancy because I don't throw up much when I'm pg and I remember the few times that I have. I remember going camping at 5 weeks and being pretty hungry a lot of the time, but nothing so unusual that I wrote about it in my journal. And, of course, who knows if that pregnancy can be used as any kind of gauge of how I would feel if I were pregnant with twins, because I ended up losing it.
ETA: I went up to "I'm Pregnant" after posting here, and there was a thread about viability scans. I thought it might be interesting to read, since I have never had one but keep seeing them mentioned. Turns out the OP is worried about twins because her friend just found out she's carrying twins. Obviously I just need to walk away from the computer.
I wish dh didn't have to go in to work today. I could use a day of distraction, and there is a fair nearby (a Dairyfest, actually, and I'm all about dairy, especially now), but I do not feel up to going on my own.
to you all!
Hey Brisen, I'm not having twins I just had to add that so I can't be lumped in with the omg so many twins!
I have to admit I was freaking the hell out before my first US that showed only one little bean in there especially since I have identicals and fraternal run in my family and my mom has been joking ever since i had my boys that my next pregnancy would be triplets. I even randomly met someone that had twins then triplets at the park the month were decided to TTC. When I say freaking out I mean anxiety attacks and maybe getting 4 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky. I feel your pain and I would be/was freaking out too. Are you planing on having an US any time soon to check for twins or are you just going to ride it out? deep breaths.
Brisen, I think about twins a lot too. I lost twins between having my son and my daughter. I was also 9.5 weeks along. From the moment I got this bfp, I was convinced that it was twins, but I had a quick u/s already at 8 weeks and there was only one there! I must admit that I am completely insane and occasionally think that maybe the CNM missed the other one on the u/s because she did it very quickly
Thanks, biffer, lol. I'm happy to hear that others are having twins, it just doesn't help distract me from my obsession. Triplets after twins? That's crazy! But that's one way to make your twin pregnancy & babyhood seem like a walk in the park.
Junebugsmom, that's exactly the kind of thing I would do! I probably won't be 100% convinced until the baby is born.
Saturday morning after I had woken up and gotten dressed, I bent over to pick a book and had a twinge of pain that started on the left side of my lower back and sort of shot down through my bum and down my leg a few inches. It twinged on and off for the rest of the day, and through Sunday, but wasn't terrible. However, Sunday night it started hurting so bad that I couldn't walk, turn, bend, or do anything except sit in certain positions, and lie down if I did it very carefully. I didn't think too much of it because I have loose joints and a bad back, so I'm used to my back or hips being out of place for a bit. Except it usually gets better after a good night's sleep. And 2 days later, I'm still in excruciating pain if I don't walk/lay/sit just right.
I don't know what to do, because I still nanny 2 days/week and we were not planning on telling my boss about our embryo yet. But there is no way I can take care of a 4 year old when I'm in this state. I can't even take a shower without DH home because I'm afraid I'll bend over and get stuck. I have no idea if it could be pregnancy-related, or if I should go see a doctor about it, or what I can do to make it feel better. I'm just frustrated about being stuck on the couch and helpless, and about possibly having to tell my boss and/or quit my job a lot sooner than i was planning.
I agree with Brisen and lilkat! I've had sciatica with all of my pregnancies and it hurts SO bad. A chiro and hot/cold packs were the only thing I found to help relieve the pain. Also, lots of leisure walking helps too!
I hope you start feeling better soon!