Ideas for a shower gift anyone?

[SustainablParentng]

I am going to a baby shower - the wife of a childhood friend. I am not in a position to discuss circumcision, I don't really know the mom-to-be. Anyway, I was going to buy a copy of mothering's print material on circumcision but it is only in digital format. The print copy fits my needs perfectly - professional appearance, not too long, fact based/not very "sensational" etc. I don't care if adding something like this to a shower gift makes me look "crazy" (pretty much everyone in that area seems fine with the "sanitary" "lookin' like dad" "it's up to dad" defense) I just want something short, sweet and professional looking so it might be taken seriously. Anything like this exist elsewhere beside Mothering:)?
Edited by SustainablParentng - 7/24/11 at 3:13am

[SustainablParentng]

No one? I came across saving penises- I think it's called but am sure the name alone would freak these people out. Should I just forget about it? My dh constantly tells me that it's none of my business but I'm not trying to "tell them what to do" I'm simply trying to offer sources so they can educate themselves. I had such a hard time finding any information about circ at all before my ds was born. It wasn't until after he was born that I found mothering and thankfully I had already made the right "decision" - in my core I didn't feel it was my "right" to decide what to do with someone elses genitals - it's just what we are led to believe when posed with this decision. Anyway, babbling aside, doesn't anyone else out there feel a strong need to educate parents to be and have a "gentle" way to do it? (I love how worried some people seem to be about offending but the idea of mutilating doesn't bother the same people - kwim?

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Moving to the main TCAC forum, as this isn't an actionable thread.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I think its highly inappropriate to add something like that to a shower gift.  A shower is a place to celebrate the upcoming arrival of the new baby - not to make a stand about circ.

[T-man's Mama]

Sorry OP, but I tend to agree with Super single mama. It might be better to follow up a little later with a casual email to the effect of, "Hey don't know if you've had a chance to research this topic yet, but I found the Circumcision Decision Maker website (or whatever) very helpful when I was expecting my son"...).

But I tend to only broach this subject if I know the mom-to-be well, or if she specifically asks for advice. You are already braver than me, and I am not trying to discourage that, but just consider the occasion.
 

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I think its highly inappropriate to add something like that to a shower gift.  A shower is a place to celebrate the upcoming arrival of the new baby - not to make a stand about circ.

[SustainablParentng]

Ok - fair enough. I won't include information about circumcision. But if you read my original posts my intention is not to "tell them not to circumcise" but to give information about circumcision. As I said, when I was pregnant I had a real difficult time finding real information about this topic. What I did find said next to nothing about the actual procedure and purpose of the foreskin but led me to believe that circumcision reduces rates of std's and aids - so of course the idea of not circumcising seemed like a risky thing to do to my baby. I would have welcomed some actual information about circumcision so I could have been more comfortable with the decision I made.

Also, it has been my experience at baby showers that all sorts of baby/pregnancy/labor information/advice comes up during conversation. I have heard all sorts of things that I may not agree with at showers - for example: "I loved my epidural" "I loved my c- section" "if you don't circumcise your baby he will have all sorts of infections and pain and then you will just have to have it done later" "I would never breastfeed a baby after they can sit up on their own" etc. I have never "corrected" or tried to "enlighten" or educate any of the people attached to these statements, but I do believe that books and other reading material from credible sources make a great shower gift so the mom-to-be can make an informed decision on her own - rather than using random opinions to do so. I am giving a copy of "the womanly art of breastfeeding" because I think it's a great source of information. I would never directly say to someone "I think you should do....." unless they specifically asked my opinion. And even in that case I would just offer information or sources of information - because I don't think advice is helpful to people for the most part. (unless they are a close dear friend and the subject cannot be figured out by weighing facts)

So, I will not include information in my shower gift. But I feel that it is greatly unfortunate that access to real information about circumcision is so hard to find.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by SustainablParentng 

As I said, when I was pregnant I had a real difficult time finding real information about this topic. What I did find said next to nothing about the actual procedure and purpose of the foreskin but led me to believe that circumcision reduces rates of std's and aids - so of course the idea of not circumcising seemed like a risky thing to do to my baby. I would have welcomed some actual information about circumcision so I could have been more comfortable with the decision I made.

I totally agree with you, I circ'ed my DS because of this. It's not like I didn't research, I just read the wrong research and obviously had no idea what we were actually doing to him. I thought it was kind of like cutting a fingernail, I had no idea, and I desperately wish I had the info I have now.

However, I am with the other posters that it would be inappropriate to include in a shower gift. What about making up a little care package with info on breastfeeding, circ, etc. and mailing it to her (or giving it to her after the shower or something)? Just include a note about how you wish you had some of this info while you were pregnant, and wanted to pass it on in case she's interested.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I think you can give the information - just not at the shower.  Mail it to her after the shower, or before.  I just think its an inappropriate thing to include in a gift.  In a breastfeeding care package, or as an email with the, "I really wish I had this information when I was pregnant, as I really didn't know where to start when I had questions about this issue" line, is a GREAT idea.  Just not for the shower.

[ElliesMomma]

i don't know. it's not that inappropriate. considering the HUGE VARIETY of topics that are typically discussed at a shower. as i think we all know, these events can get pretty catty and off the wall crazy. what if the OP starts hearing conversations about how "gross" it is to not cut off the foreskin?? and can see the mom-to-be really taking it all in? the OP will wish she had those materials in hand. i say: pack it in your bag/purse and have it ready to hand to the expectant mother should the opportunity present itself. i'm a non confrontational person, so i would probably look for a private moment after all the presents are opened and maybe as people are leaving and you get your turn to say good bye. i would just give it to her, unwrapped, along with a short statement that "i disagree with what was mentioned earlier about circumcision, my son is intact and it's obvious that he enjoys having a foreskin, and by the way, did you know there is an entire body of evidence in support of not circumcising? from medical benefits to long term sexual satisfaction... and besides it's really an issue of human rights and informed consent, since it is your son's penis, not yours or the dads. anyways, let me know if i can be of any further help, as i can find you more answers should you have further questions. and, again, very best wishes for your upcoming baby. congratulations!"

[jenP]

I absolutely would include it with a gift, along with other useful sources of information on a variety of pregnancy and baby-related topics. It can be hard to find clear, concise, useful, and correct information on lots of baby-related things, not just circumcision, and I like to share my favorites with others. For instance, I often give a copy of "So That's What They're For!" because I found it to be such a useful source of information on breastfeeding. (Sure, "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" is chock-full of good information, but it's just so darn long, I never gave it more than a once-over.) Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" is another favorite; it is a bit long, and gets a bit preachy and unrealistic about attachment parenting (I say unrealistic because he makes it sound as if, if you just carry your baby in a sling all day, you'll have no problems or fussing and can just go about your daily chores pretty much as you did before you had a baby) BUT the book is still a great source of information; the "guide to childhood illnesses" is the greatest.

So, what I guess I'm saying is, I would probably not give, say, a high chair, and a big packet of circumcision information. I WOULD give a professional reprint or book/booklet on circumcision, along with something nice for the baby, and along with other useful books or magazines, and a note explaining that these were some of my favorites that in my experience were most helpful and accurate on their subjects (kind of like, "it took me a lot of time and effort to sort through all the stuff out there and narrow it down to these really good ones that I wish I had had from the beginning, so I am passing them on to you in the hopes you will find them useful, too.")