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post #21 of 47

PM'd you, mama. :)

post #22 of 47

This is another excellent resource to educate yourself and him about the function of the foreskin.  We are so culturally acclimated that the foreskin is just something you cut off rather than understanding it's true function.  Perhaps this will educate him in a very straight up factual manner.  If not, there is always Penn and Teller!\

 

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/video/prepuce.html 

post #23 of 47

Uh... if you think he would go behind your back on such a major decision why are you still with him? I think everybody encouraging lies and secretiveness are just exacerbating the problem... yuck. I would leave him if I had even the slightest doubt that my partner would do something he knew I felt strongly against. Nu uh. No. 

post #24 of 47
Thread Starter 

Wow PP, thanks for that.  Your heartless comment is exactly what I needed at this point in my life.  You know there are so many things that are happening in peoples lives that you have no idea about.  Maybe you need to think more about what you say before you say it.  That was really mean.  Just what I needed to shatter the very thin mask I am wearing to keep from breaking down in front of my kids.

I posted on here for encouragment and ideas to HELP me.  And for the most part, everyone has been so wonderful and very encouraging, and they have helped me a lot.  Thank you, truely, to everyone else.  As far as you go PP, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I am a mother and a person just like you, why do you feel you have the right to say mean things to me, to try to bring me down and discourage me?  How old are you anyway?  Most of the people who I know grew out of this behavior in middle school.

My husband is the only thing keeping our lives together right now.  Just because we disagree on something does not mean we should not be together.  He has not done anything wrong, he just has different beliefs, which I am trying to change.  I am protecting my child, and that is all that matters.

post #25 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post

Uh... if you think he would go behind your back on such a major decision why are you still with him? I think everybody encouraging lies and secretiveness are just exacerbating the problem... yuck. I would leave him if I had even the slightest doubt that my partner would do something he knew I felt strongly against. Nu uh. No. 


Even if she did leave him he would still be the father of the child and he would still be able to take the baby and have him circ'd if he wanted to.  So that really doesn't solve any problems, just creates new ones. 

 

post #26 of 47
Thread Starter 

Thats an excellent point

post #27 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1love4ever View Post

Wow PP, thanks for that.  Your heartless comment is exactly what I needed at this point in my life.  You know there are so many things that are happening in peoples lives that you have no idea about.  Maybe you need to think more about what you say before you say it.  That was really mean.  Just what I needed to shatter the very thin mask I am wearing to keep from breaking down in front of my kids.

I posted on here for encouragment and ideas to HELP me.  And for the most part, everyone has been so wonderful and very encouraging, and they have helped me a lot.  Thank you, truely, to everyone else.  As far as you go PP, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I am a mother and a person just like you, why do you feel you have the right to say mean things to me, to try to bring me down and discourage me?  How old are you anyway?  Most of the people who I know grew out of this behavior in middle school.

My husband is the only thing keeping our lives together right now.  Just because we disagree on something does not mean we should not be together.  He has not done anything wrong, he just has different beliefs, which I am trying to change.  I am protecting my child, and that is all that matters.


I'm 27 and a mother of soon-to-be four, thanks for asking. I am not heartless and I am not sure what you expect when you post on a public forum. of course I don't know everything that is going on in your life, nor do you know everything that is going on in mine or anybody's on this forum. I didn't think I was mean, I was simply blunt and I meant what I said...if you don't trust your partner to not do something so vile as to circumcise your child behind your back then I don't understand why you would even stay with him. That is mind blowing to me. Perhaps I was harsh in my delivery but the posts telling you to do this and that in secret doesn't seem helpful at all -to me- it seems like creating more (as there clearly seems to be some) distrust in your relationship and in your parenting partnership. 

 

I didn't read it as you and your DP disagreed you said that it would be possible that he would do this behind your back (Thus the suggestion to write on the baby with a sharpie) and that is just amazingly NOT okay, -to me- it's a deal breaker -to me-. If you didn't want opinions than I don't know what to tell you, that's just how it works on a public forum. I guess if it -were me- and you are unable to leave such a person than I would tell him flat out that he will not be circumcising my child and I wouldn't leave him alone with him, period. I'm not going to sit and pretend that it's normal and healthy that your partner would do this. I'm just not going to. 

 

I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and change his mind and that you two discuss whatever it is that is making you feel he would do this. 

 

Good day. 

 

post #28 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by BubbleMa View Post




Even if she did leave him he would still be the father of the child and he would still be able to take the baby and have him circ'd if he wanted to.  So that really doesn't solve any problems, just creates new ones. 

 



So you think she should stay with a man who would take her child to the doctor, behind her back, and have his body altered, behind her back, to put him through a procedure that could be deadly, behind her back... 

 

Is that what you really think? Am I so off base here? 

post #29 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post





So you think she should stay with a man who would take her child to the doctor, behind her back, and have his body altered, behind her back, to put him through a procedure that could be deadly, behind her back... 

 

Is that what you really think? Am I so off base here? 




First of all, she never said he was going to do this.  She said she wanted to cover the bases, just in case.  Because apparently he feels as passionate about circ'ing as we do about not circ'ing.  It doesn't sound like her DH wants to circ their son just to cause him pain.  He just wants to do what he thinks is best, unfortunately he's misinformed on the topic.  I wouldn't tell her to leave him over that.  

 

post #30 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood View Post





So you think she should stay with a man who would take her child to the doctor, behind her back, and have his body altered, behind her back, to put him through a procedure that could be deadly, behind her back... 

 

Is that what you really think? Am I so off base here? 


He's not indicating that he will do this. She just trying to cover her bases in case the two parents, who will have an equal say in decision-making after this child's birth, can not come to an agreement on this before the birth. It doesn't seem like a good suggestion to break up an otherwise healthy family over that.

To the OP, I really hope you can change his mind so you can stop worrying about this!! Looks like you are getting some good advice here for the most part. It must be difficult for the two of you to be on opposite sides of such an important issue. I must admit that I'm a little taken aback by the statement, "My husband is the only thing keeping our lives together right now." It seems dangerous to me to put so much responsibility on one person and is the only indicator that there might be deeper problems in your marriage that I've seen in your posts on this thread. However, I can totally see how you might exaggerate in response to feeling attacked and it's none of our business anyway, because the general health of your marriage is not what you are asking about here.
post #31 of 47
Thread Starter 

Thank you everyone ELSE for such kind responses.  Opinions are fine, but please dont attack me.  We are all on this site because we have a common system of beliefs and because of that we should be supporting and encouraging eachother not bringing eachother down.  We are the minority in this country and most of us, I think, are attacked enough by our family and friends about our "crazy" beliefs and choices.  I never attacked anyone and I am not asking for people to point out what they think is wrong in my marriage, I wanted advice on my specific problem and that is all.  To me it seems like he is the only one keeping our lives together right now, but I am sure he feels the same way about me at this time.  There are so many things happening in our lives and I know everything could completely crumble at any second.  I don't care to share all of my/my families problems because it is really nothing that anyone else can help with some good advice, and I do not make ut public, but it just blows my mind that another person can post something so rude and unkind without knowing anything about the person she is talking to.  I mean, who knows who you could be replying to and what their situation might be.  Maybe their kid just died, or husband, or their house burnt down, and look at the worry and heartache you are adding to their lives!  There are nice ways of saying things and their are rude ways.  The least I would like to see is people post their opinions, even if they are negative, in a nice, gentle way.  You can still get your point accross either way, so why not?

post #32 of 47

It is pretty idiotic for someone to say that a couple should separate because a difference in opinion.  Many couples have differences in opinions ranging from small beliefs to things they feel strongly about.  I don't see that it has anything to do with the strength of their relationship.

 

I clicked on this because I wanted this answer too. My partner and I disagree about circ and I wanted to know what both mine and his rights were.  Not because I think he would go without my consent to have it done but really you never know.  When we first got pregnant we had the arguement and decided that we won't talk about it anymore (because I got really upset and couldn't state my case in an adiquate manner) until we found out the sex of the child.  Well we are in fact having a boy and at 25 weeks we still haven't talked about it beyond me telling him that he needs to convince ME that circ is necessary for our child.  This so far is the thing that might work.  He really isn't the researcher in the relationship but honestly if he feels that strongly about it he can find out the truth for himself on his time and then try and convince me to alter our son.

post #33 of 47

This may have been mentioned already, my apology for any redundancies. The question: "Who must give consent?" has an obvious answer but only without a cultural blindfold wills it to be transparent so anyone could see it.

 

"Consent" for a surgery on a complete set of male genitals in the absent of a medical need should only be given by the person of whom the genitals are attached to.

 

Consenting to a surgery for someone else's body in the absent of a medical need, should never happen. Soliciting for surgery in the absent of a medical need, is unethical.

 

"Do you desire to have your child's toenails removed. :)"

 

 

post #34 of 47

To MOM's out there who are facing this dilemma:  Please do NOT let anyone cut your beautiful, perfect baby boy!  I can tell you from experience, that you will regret it and if you allow your partner to make this decision because you don't want the conflict or don't want to hurt his feelings, you will resent your partner for years to come.  It happened to me 32 years ago.  I gave in to my then husband because he was adamant that a circ be done on our beautiful, perfect baby son.  And what were his reasons?  His son needed to look like him.  At the time, I didn't realize how ridiculous that was!  When they took my contented baby from me, and then brought him back crying and shaking and I took a look at what they had done to him, I had a hurt deep inside me that I couldn't ignore.  I cried my eyes out and wanted to KILL my then husband and ANYONE who had any involvement in that barbaric act on my baby son!  Yes, 32 years ago and I still feel the pain and guilt over that.  You don't want this to happen to you!  Your baby boy is perfect, nature is perfect, and nature has some very good reasons to design your baby boy the way he is born.  Please don't listen to any of the propaganda promoting this barbaric assault on baby boys that is done routinely every day. It's horrific!  And just to add some modern day information, yes, a circ can have negative effects on your sex life.  There is a very excellent book out called "Sex, the way Nature Intended it", and every women and man should read it.  Sadly even with my perspective on circumcision, both my daughters elected to circ their sons.  One of my daughters ended up grieving over it every time she changed that babies diaper.  I don't think she would do it again!  Good Luck to all of you.

post #35 of 47

Excellent points!!!!!!

post #36 of 47
Thread Starter 

Well said!!  I completely agree.  I only wish the rest of this country felt the same way!

post #37 of 47

i posted earlier, but i wanted to add one thing. it is very very possible that once your baby is born, and your husband sees him whole and intact, that your husband will lose all interest in having the baby circumcised. he might even gain a new appreciation for the foreskin, although he probably won't articulate that out loud.

 

i truly believe that, among the many myriad reasons that conspire to keep the practice of circumcision alive and well in the U.S., is the fact that it is done on day 1 or 2 of baby's life. *before* the parents (especially the man) has a chance to really bond with the baby.

 

after some time goes by, even a little time, most men forget about all their "reasons" and feel the same as we do, ie, why on earth would we want to chop off part of his penis???

 

not saying there aren't a few who would go out and have it done against their wife's will. but i do believe the instance of that is pretty rare.

post #38 of 47
Thread Starter 

thank you:)   I agree

post #39 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElliesMomma View Post

i posted earlier, but i wanted to add one thing. it is very very possible that once your baby is born, and your husband sees him whole and intact, that your husband will lose all interest in having the baby circumcised. he might even gain a new appreciation for the foreskin, although he probably won't articulate that out loud.

 

i truly believe that, among the many myriad reasons that conspire to keep the practice of circumcision alive and well in the U.S., is the fact that it is done on day 1 or 2 of baby's life. *before* the parents (especially the man) has a chance to really bond with the baby.

 

after some time goes by, even a little time, most men forget about all their "reasons" and feel the same as we do, ie, why on earth would we want to chop off part of his penis???

 

not saying there aren't a few who would go out and have it done against their wife's will. but i do believe the instance of that is pretty rare.



That's an excellent point!  :)

post #40 of 47

have him watch a video of a circ on an infant. often times that will change a man's mind

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