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Primary income earners? - Page 2

post #21 of 25

MammaColleen, I am in a very similar boat to you - primary breadwinner, we'd be living under the poverty line if we survived only on DH's salary, and I find it very, very stressful.  Just feeling like I have to work and I have to support our family while also trying to balance kids sick days, PA days, March break, summers, Christmas break, school concerts, field trips, housework, etc.etc.  DH is not that helpful in those areas so I am really the primary child care provider as well.

 

I notice you are also near Toronto.

 

It is very hard.  No advice just commiseration if that is a word! LOL

 

 

post #22 of 25

I am so happy to see this thread! I am not only the primary breadwinner (have always been and probably always will be), but right now DH is unemployed and we agreed that he would stay that way so he could stay home with DS and the new baby. It's very, very stressful. While he is a great dad and does a lot, he is pretty clueless about a lot of housekeeping issues like shopping and cooking.  He is learning, but because I'm the one who goes to town daily (and we only have once car), I do all the shopping and errands. I also do most of the cooking, mainly because I like it and am good at it. However, there is this weird feeling sometimes that I'm doing almost as much as a SAHM and I find myself feeling terribly guilty if I spend time reading or on the computer doing work. I honestly don't think I would feel this way if I were a man, and I kind of resent that. Also, most of my friends are SAHMs, and they are amazing moms, doing things like taking their kids to activities, doing elaborate crafts, cooking organic meals, etc. I've come to terms with the fact that that will never be me, but I can't help compare myself sometimes.

 

Basically, I'm stressed and exhausted all the time, lol!

post #23 of 25

My DH is undocumented (despite having been in the States for 25 years, paid taxes for 13, married a citizen, etc.) with no way to gain citizenship in the forseeable future (thank you givenrmnet...we REALLY appreciate all you rhard work on this issue. geez). As a result, he is stuck at the stupid food service job he was hired for 13 years ago, when a valid SS# wasn't of iterest to the management. After 13 years of being their hardest working, most reliable employee? $10.50/hr. Seriously. He's allowed to work overtime and often come in around 50 a week. I, on the other hand, a full blown citizen by birth with a BA, make double what he does. It has been very frustrating, especially throughout my maternity leave. I would never feel comfortable earning LESS than my DH (unless it was a situational thing), but I so so wish he could earn what I do, or even cloe to what I do, so I could have taken more time off to be with baby. As it stands, I go back to work on Tuesday, with a fairly flexible schedule (I'll work 7am-3pm...DH doesn't work until 11am, so baby will be parentless only about 4 hours a day), and between myself, DH, and my sister, baby will always be with a family member. Still though...

 

 

I feel you mamas. I don't think men feel this way because unlike men, we are ALSO the default responsible party for evrything else (like many of you have noted). I do the food shopping, pay the bills, cook, it's exhausting. I'm very lucky that DH is on top of the cleaning, takes over a lot of the nighttime parenting (whatever doesn't require a boob), and is great with baby the days he's home alone with him.

post #24 of 25

Me too, me too! So nice to read this thread. When dh and I met, we had similar incomes. I climber the career ladder quickly and dh stayed in the same job. When dd was just about to turn one a year ago, I left my hugely fulfilling job that was too far from home to take one with less hours closer to home. I still make significantly more than dh even though I only work 30 hours a week. He probably makes less now due to cost of living increases than he did when we met. It is his personality to stay with the status quo and not take risks while I am the opposite. I knew this when we got married, but I struggle daily with the stress of knowing that he could barely provide for our family if I didn't work.  We would probably be well below the poverty line, and I feel like I worked too hard to get where I am to accept that reality. I also want our kids to have more opportunities than he would be able to provide. I go through phases of making him feel incredibly guilty for this, which is horrible of me. At other times, I'm happy for the balance that our two completely different personalities brings to our home.

post #25 of 25

Ah but on the flip side ladies, if something were to happen, and we had to do it all on our own, we could.  We probably wouldn't even bat an eye. 

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