Refusing to play soccer in the first game! What to do?

[joy2grow]

DD is a few months away from 5yo.  We are home for a break between her two first soccer games today.  She refused to go out on the field at all.  When we first got to the field she clung to me and said I don't want to do this.  The team has 11 kids so there are plenty of other enthusiastic participants, so at least she is not putting the team in a bad position by sitting out.

Another parent told me the only reason her son was trying was because she bribed him.  On the drive home, out of desperation and frustration, I told DD I didn't know if we could go to a birthday party this afternoon if she couldn't even give playing soccer a *try* after all the time and money we put into it thus far.  Also that her team was counting on her.  I do not usually use bribes though -- it feels mean and unfair.  Once we got home she cried a little, and then explained she didn't want to play because running made her legs hurt.  Thing is she runs all the time when doing something fun!  I know it could be growing pain, but I just think she's making excuses.

Now I don't know what to do and there is another game in one hour.  It seems like a bad idea to let her give up w/o really trying, but then maybe she's too shy to play and this is traumatic to her.  She is a quiet girl.  Maybe we inadvertently pushed her into this b/c that's just what kids do around here when they turn 4.  Sigh.  Please help me think this through.

[joy2grow]

So we've decided she can quit soccer.  My husband came home and we talked it through.  Thing is this *was* entirely our idea.  Also she loves her weekly yoga & ballet classes (activities of her own choosing) & will be back in music in the fall so it's not like she is a couch potato.  We just thought a group sport during the summer would be fun.  She was so relieved when we told her it is OK to not like an activity.  A real learning experience for me!  Hope some one else may benefit from this online conversation with myself -- lol!

Now to go tell the coach...

[jeteaa]

I think you made the right decision. we had the same issue with dd1. She did finish out the season, but it was not pleasant for any of us. I will say though, that during the last game, she made her first goal and was very proud of herself, however, it was not enough for her to want to play again next year. 

[One_Girl]

Does she want to quit all of soccer or just the game aspect?  My dd loved basketball practice when she was just a year older than your dd is now, but she HATED the games.  I let her just do the practice and she really had a blast.  Maybe your daughter would be willing to continue to give soccer a chance as long as she isn't pressured to play in the games.  If not I don't think it is a big deal.  If you have a YMCA in your area you might want to consider seeing if they have shorter sessions geared towards her age group for the next activity she shows an interest in.  They tend to be cheap, laid back, and fun for young kids who want to try out an activity without the pressure or higher priced classes offered elsewhere in the community.

[joy2grow]

I hadn't considered that possibility.  Thanks for the idea!  I'll pitch the concept before this weeks practice and see how she responds.

[34me]

I was going to suggest just the practices too.  Since you haven't been here before talking about the practices I thought maybe the games and all the screaming and cheering are just too much.  And when the season is over, she's done.

[mommy68]

I personally wouldn't keep my child from going to the birthday party, but that's JMHO. I never pushed my older children to do sports. If they showed interest then we would try things but never pushed them. I did tell them to try it a few times before just giving up but never took things away if they refused to do the things they commited to. Sometimes kids just think they want to do something and then they get involved only to find it isn't really what they wanted but hey, mom and/or dad think I want to do it so they kind of feel stuck I'm sure. Well, I try to put myself in their shoes. I know as an adult I sometimes find things to be interesting only to get involved in them and find out otherwise. :)

 

Originally Posted by joy2grow 

DD is a few months away from 5yo.  We are home for a break between her two first soccer games today.  She refused to go out on the field at all.  When we first got to the field she clung to me and said I don't want to do this.  The team has 11 kids so there are plenty of other enthusiastic participants, so at least she is not putting the team in a bad position by sitting out.

Another parent told me the only reason her son was trying was because she bribed him.  On the drive home, out of desperation and frustration, I told DD I didn't know if we could go to a birthday party this afternoon if she couldn't even give playing soccer a *try* after all the time and money we put into it thus far.  Also that her team was counting on her.  I do not usually use bribes though -- it feels mean and unfair.  Once we got home she cried a little, and then explained she didn't want to play because running made her legs hurt.  Thing is she runs all the time when doing something fun!  I know it could be growing pain, but I just think she's making excuses.

Now I don't know what to do and there is another game in one hour.  It seems like a bad idea to let her give up w/o really trying, but then maybe she's too shy to play and this is traumatic to her.  She is a quiet girl.  Maybe we inadvertently pushed her into this b/c that's just what kids do around here when they turn 4.  Sigh.  Please help me think this through.

[LynnS6]

Four is really young for team sports. My kids haven't been really ready for team sports until about age 8. Ds didn't even want anything to do with classes before then. He's all about sports teams these days. Sometime the best thing you can do is wait and try again when they're older.

Dd tried soccer and t-ball in kindergarten and hated them both. She declared "I don't want to play any sport where I have to run and get hot." OK.... I think we're left with swimming and water polo! 

[zebra15]

Shes FOUR and they have 2 games in one day??  IMO thats nuts.  Then you expect her to go to a birthday party.  My kid would have major attitude issues and be exhausted way before the party.

My 10 yr old just started sports and its a swim club. He swims for 1 hour 2x a week.  Until this summer he flat out refused to do any type of sports or team stuff.  I didn't push it.  I never mentioned 'cost' to him either.  Right now he is enjoying swim team.  IMO thats what's most important.

[joy2grow]

Originally Posted by zebra15 

Shes FOUR and they have 2 games in one day??  IMO thats nuts.  

I never mentioned 'cost' to him either. 

I agree with both of these statements.  Two games a day for kids that young is crazy!  I think the schedule may be due to our remote location -- smaller population of kids & minimizing travel each way -- but *still* it's just too much.  I also think mentioning cost was a tacky, inappropriate thing for me to do   Fortunately it was only mentioned once and not focused on by either of us.  She's not interested in practice only participation and I don't blame her, honestly it would have not been my thing as a kid either.