Iphones and kids

[kibba]

Went out to eat today where I saw a 3 -4 yearold girl playing an Iphone as soon as they sat down (it was the little girl and a mom) she played it until the food came, and then as soon as she was done eating she played it again.

I thought it was kind of sad. I usually don't judge other peoples parenting and figure we all do things differently. I went to use the bathroom and when I came out I noticed another table, a family and a girl aged 4-5 also playing an Iphone.

 I don't have anything against kids playing them in general(but I think/hope it should be limited)

 I just keep seeing it everywhere I go. I worry about what it might mean for kids in the future. Will they be able to sit still without entertainment?  I'm just wondering if I'm alone? It just kind of shocked me today. I don't think I have noticed until now because I sort of ignored Iphones, but now that I have one I notice how many others do too. 

[Cyllya]

What's sad about it? I play with my phone/book/whatever when I'm waiting for things, and I plan to encourage my kids to do the same. I really don't see any value in being "able to sit still without entertainment" regardless of the person's age. In fact, I think life is too valuable to spend it sitting around literally doing nothing for no reason. In situations like a restaurant, you can't even just sit around thinking because there are too many distractions (and you're probably hungry).

I don't think it's new either. Haven't doctor's offices stocked their waiting rooms with magazines for a long time? I'm not sure when that started, but I'm pretty sure it predates the iPhone.

[mzpuff]

I agree. I think this is very sad, and am scared to see what the future may hold for our children as technology advances more and more.

[tessie]

Are kids supposed to sit still without entertainment? Conversation around the table should be encouraged but it's not generally enough to keep a small child engaged. Even when I was a kid my mother always had a few things in her bag to keep us amused, be it pen and paper, a pack of cards, book etc. I do the same for DD now. And when I've been through everything then I resort to letting her play with the drawing app on my (non iphone) phone.

[Adaline'sMama]

I agree. FWIW, the iphone is incredibly engaging and kids are probably learning more from it than they would be coloring on the the picture in on the children's menu, which is what kids were doing 10 years ago. My 15 month old plays games on DH's Iphone and thinks its awesome. It becomes an instant piano when we are in the car and she can make music by pushing the screen certain areas of the screen. Its a lot better than me having to pack tons of toys in the diaper bag to keep her entertained.

We recently went to two graduations and my nephew (6) sat through two hours of both of them because he was playing with his mom's iphone. He and I played tic tac toe, checkers, and he played a word game and a math game. Way better than a game boy

Im a lot more concerned about the fact that our kids are being played commercials at the gas pump and video screens talking to us at the grocery store than I am about them occupying themselves with electronics. Heck, half the adults I know are LOST without their phone. Magazines aside, when Im at the doctor's office I see kids playing with toys while all the adults are looking at the internet on their phones.

[Carrie Posey]

I agree, I think it all adds up to way too much time in front of a screen.   Talk to each, other color together, take a quick walk to the bathroom there is plenty to do without a screen glaring at you.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Carrie Posey 

I agree, I think it all adds up to way too much time in front of a screen.   Talk to each, other color together, take a quick walk to the bathroom there is plenty to do without a screen glaring at you.

Exactly. And what happened to moms taking color crayons and paper with them? I think its hugely sad that this latest generation has so little social interaction... even within their own families.

[Getz]

My iPhone is a useful tool to keep the kids occupied but I try to use it sparingly to maximize it's effectiveness! 

DH and I get into tiffs about when to pull out the iPhone.  He is of the "give it to them immediately" camp and I am in the "wait and see" camp.  I don't want my kids to be in any given spot and the second they have to wait, I shove an electronic in their face.  Will I use it so I can check my groceries out in peace?  Oh yes.

I took my son out for lunch the other day and there was a family of 4 seated near us.  Both parents on their phones and both kids with hand held video games.  All completely ignoring each other.  It was sad. 

[starling&diesel]

Originally Posted by Cyllya 

What's sad about it? I play with my phone/book/whatever when I'm waiting for things, and I plan to encourage my kids to do the same. I really don't see any value in being "able to sit still without entertainment" regardless of the person's age. In fact, I think life is too valuable to spend it sitting around literally doing nothing for no reason. In situations like a restaurant, you can't even just sit around thinking because there are too many distractions (and you're probably hungry).

I don't think it's new either. Haven't doctor's offices stocked their waiting rooms with magazines for a long time? I'm not sure when that started, but I'm pretty sure it predates the iPhone.

I think it's hugely sad.  I believe there is immense value in "being able to sit still without entertainment."  Thinking, observing, dreaming, chatting, wondering, asking, planning, waiting ... all good things.  I think a big part of life is exactly about sitting around doing nothing.  And yes, you can think despite distractions.  In fact, doing so on a regular basis encourages and helps doing so in general.  I want my children to engage with me and anyone else at the table and the wait staff and their surroundings and the atmosphere, not some prepackaged program on a screen.  Going to a restaurant, for example, is about greeting the staff, getting seated, exploring the tableware (my dd is 2.5), choosing food, looking out the window, asking the server for what she wants politely, waiting and anticipating, enjoying new food and flavours or old favourites, conversing with us, paying, taking our leave, and talking about the meal.  Tonnes of things to do! 

[mamazee]

We hand a kid a phone sometimes if one is getting fussy when we're out, or if based on her mood that day we think she might get fussy. We also do the crayons/paper thing and all that, but sometimes the phone is the most effective thing.

[dot1]

That mom could have been having a really tough day and just needed a break.  That's just one snapshop of a view of her day...and just might be the only time it comes out all day and that same kid might not be watching any TV at home.  You just never know.   On the other hand, I agree it's sad when screen time and hi-tech devices are used too often instead of other developmentally appropriate activities such as getting hands dirty in the garden, etc.  And I agree with pp that there are many ways to be creative at a restaurant.  I'd just hate for someone to be passing some sort of sad judgement on my parenting during those rare times when I've pulled out the ipod for dd so I could just get a break and a few moments of peace.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by dot1 

That mom could have been having a really tough day and just needed a break.  That's just one snapshop of a view of her day...and just might be the only time it comes out all day and that same kid might not be watching any TV at home.  You just never know.   On the other hand, I agree it's sad when screen time and hi-tech devices are used too often instead of other developmentally appropriate activities such as getting hands dirty in the garden, etc.  And I agree with pp that there are many ways to be creative at a restaurant.  ;I'd just hate for someone to be passing some sort of sad judgement on my parenting during those rare times when I've pulled out the ipod for dd so I could just get a break and a few moments of peace.

Yep. Or so that I could engage in an adult conversation with DH who is usually away from home from 8 am to 10 pm. I go out with DD all the time, and if its just me and her I will engage with her constantly. But when DH and I are out together with her, we want to be able to talk too.

[Linda on the move]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carrie Posey 

I agree, I think it all adds up to way too much time in front of a screen.   Talk to each, other color together, take a quick walk to the bathroom there is plenty to do without a screen glaring at you.

But you don't have any idea how much time that child spends in front of a screen, what else happened that day, etc.  You are judging someone's parenting based a couple of minutes, during which their child was happy.

iPhones hadn't been invented when my kids were small, and they usually colored at resturants. As they got older, they often read. We eventually decided that they needed to actually converse with us rather than distract themselves, even by reading, but it was when they were older.

My kids have generally been well behaved when eating out, but partly because I think I kept my expectations of them age appropriate.

We did had a few horrid meals out when they were small. One stands out for because another woman was so rude to me about it. My kids were being horrid. Truly horrid. Climbing all over the place and making a lot of noise. We were in the middle of move and they had spent 10 hours in the car, after spending the night in a hotel, after spending day watching strangers pack up all our things. If I had had an iPhone, I would have let them play with it. My DH and I were exhausted and emotional spent and our kids were wigged out and cranky. And we had to eat out because all our things were in a moving truck some one. But some other woman decided to loudly judge and my parenting and my kids based on that one meal.

To get "sad" about another parent doing something that is working for their child  only effects your own state of mind. You are allowing your emotions to be controlled by a situation that you don't even have the facts about.

The kind of energy we sent out comes back to us. Judging parents when you don't even know what is going on is bad karma.

[starling&diesel]

Speaking for myself, I'm not judging the individual parent who chooses to hand over the iphone to the kid (done it myself on occasion), but I am sad about the trend in general for children to  over-use screens.  My karma is fine, thanks.

[lookatreestar]

i used to care or get sad, but i realized life is too short and i worry about what my own kids are doing.

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

To get "sad" about another parent doing something that is working for their child  only effects your own state of mind. You are allowing your emotions to be controlled by a situation that you don't even have the facts about.

The kind of energy we sent out comes back to us. Judging parents when you don't even know what is going on is bad karma.

ITA. Waste of energy to judge someone on something you know nothing about. OP you could have written your post about iPhone usage without the judgements on those two moms.

Reverse situation - we just drove through the Pyrenees. Fantastic scenery, snow and cloud topped mountains, ancient churches and dwelings... my kids entertained themselves in the car for up to 7 hours a day driving, with only playing I spy, some crayons, jigsaw puzzles... very little agrueing or whinning. Does this make my kids saints? Heck no. Does it make my parenting superior because my kids were so "well-behaved"? HECK NO. We had the iPad ready with videos in case they were needed. We were just lucky to have not needed them. 

There have been times in the past when the shouting and ear piercing schreeches could have killed a body. My kids are not perfect, and it makes me understand that other kids aren't perfect either, and just because I see someone for 15 minuites does not mean I know their life story. At all. If someone wants to scan my kids and myself for 15 minutes during one of those hectic times and then make judgements about my kids or my parenting, go ahead. That becomes that persons wasted time and energy not mine.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel 

I believe there is immense value in "being able to sit still without entertainment."  Thinking, observing, dreaming, chatting, wondering, asking, planning, waiting ... all good things.  I think a big part of life is exactly about sitting around doing nothing.  And yes, you can think despite distractions.  In fact, doing so on a regular basis encourages and helps doing so in general.  I want my children to engage with me and anyone else at the table and the wait staff and their surroundings and the atmosphere, not some prepackaged program on a screen.  Going to a restaurant, for example, is about greeting the staff, getting seated, exploring the tableware (my dd is 2.5), choosing food, looking out the window, asking the server for what she wants politely, waiting and anticipating, enjoying new food and flavours or old favourites, conversing with us, paying, taking our leave, and talking about the meal.  Tonnes of things to do! 

I agree! I think of all the conversations my kids and I might have missed over the years if we'd had a TV in the car or handheld stuff coming everywhere with us.

[Carrie Posey]

Originally Posted by 2xy 

I agree! I think of all the conversations my kids and I might have missed over the years if we'd had a TV in the car or handheld stuff coming everywhere with us.

This is so true!  For my family I am so glad we don't use these devices, I am not saying I NEVER will I am saying it seems from an outside observer like a lot of time with a screen in front of them.

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by dot1 

That mom could have been having a really tough day and just needed a break.  That's just one snapshop of a view of her day...and just might be the only time it comes out all day and that same kid might not be watching any TV at home.  You just never know.   On the other hand, I agree it's sad when screen time and hi-tech devices are used too often instead of other developmentally appropriate activities such as getting hands dirty in the garden, etc.  And I agree with pp that there are many ways to be creative at a restaurant.  I'd just hate for someone to be passing some sort of sad judgement on my parenting during those rare times when I've pulled out the ipod for dd so I could just get a break and a few moments of peace.

Yep.  My kids sometimes play on my blackberry.  It's not often and it's usually when I need them to be somewhat still and happy and I'm just frazzled.  Eating out a restaurant for dinner?  It's one of the few times they do get to play on my phone.  I really don't see what's so sad about it.
 

ETA: we also have a DS and a portable dvd player.  And we used both in the car this weekend.  Other parents may be able to drive for hours and deal with their kids and dog while driving 70 mph, but I am not one of those parents.  So yeah, they can watch a movie while I drive.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by starling&diesel 

I believe there is immense value in "being able to sit still without entertainment." 

I'm curious how you handle it when your child gets to the end of her ability to do that. My parents handled it by smacking us, sometimes across the face. For me, dropping that belief was part of gentle discipline. Some kids are naturally better at it than others, and yes, learning to enjoying one's own company is a good thing, but when your kid gets to the end of it, what do you do? You never invent a silly game, hand your child a pen from your purse and a paper napkin, etc?  

I want my children to engage with me and anyone else at the table and the wait staff and their surroundings and the atmosphere, not some prepackaged program on a screen. 

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Many parents of small children have very few minutes of peace to have a real conversation with each other. Some SAHMs of small children are starved for an adult conversation with another mom. I don't see anything inherently wrong with moms meeting these needs, even if she uses her iPhone to do so. I don't buy into the idea that we must interact with our children every single minute of every single day. 

Going to a restaurant, for example, is about greeting the staff, getting seated, exploring the tableware (my dd is 2.5), choosing food, looking out the window, asking the server for what she wants politely, waiting and anticipating, enjoying new food and flavours or old favourites, conversing with us, paying, taking our leave, and talking about the meal.  Tonnes of things to do!

People go out to eat for different reasons and people get VERY different kids. It's great that what you are doing is working for your child.  I'm not knocking it, I think it's great!

But there's still no reason to judge a mother in a different situation with different kids. After all, you might end up doing things differently when you have two kids instead of one, esp if your second child has a different temperament.

I knew a lot more about how other mothers should do things when I just had one quiet child. DD#2 showed up and I found out that you can do all the same things and your child can act VERY differently.