when is the right time to have another? - Page 2

[samstress]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

That said, I was kind of hoping DS was a girl. :p He's 3-and-a-bit years younger than DD, and we're not planning to have another baby for nearly four years.... so if that baby's a girl, she'll be 7 years younger than DD. That is a big gap, and while it would eventually be insignificant (when they were in their twenties), I imagine there wouldn't be that much commonality of mind when they were younger. So there's that. But then, the bext baby might be a boy... or we might not be able to conceive again... or I could get pregnant by accident next week. You never know! I do hope DD gets to have a sister, though; my relationships with my sisters are important to me, and it seems a shame if she missed out on that. But then, I never had a brother and I'm OK with that! So I guess I shouldn't project my own childhood experiences onto her... I guess it'll be fine whatever happens!

after having a daughter first, i kind of hoped my second would be a girl (i'm very close to my older sister and thought it would be nice for dd to have a sister as well).  after a miscarriage, however, i realized that all i really wanted was a healthy baby.  my second was a boy (and i'm absolutely tickled to have a son).  if we have another it would probably be in the next 2-3 years.  dd will be 6 or 7, ds 2 or 3.  like you said, whatever happens will be fine.
 

[zoebird]

we originally considered 3 yrs apart (before DS was born), and once DS was born, I considered: no more children or waiting until he's 3/4 before talking about it again.

i also considered that it wouldn't be possible for our family -- for lots of not so real, made up reasons -- the largest being my fear of not being able to adequately take care of everything and everyone. 

at this point, we are happy with just the three of us, and we are considering revisiting the question in a year or two. DS is currently just about 3, and it looks like there won't be any babies over the next year. So, it's likely we will have an only.

This is really a personal, family decision based on how an individual family "works." I think we can "work" with more children, of course, but i am also happy to stay where we are. :)

[chel]

Well I guess I'll chime in for the larger gap.
Mine are 9.5yrs apart.
Dd1 came right after we graduated from college. Times were rough. Dd 1 was a hard infant and dh worked a lot. By the time I could mentally handle another one, around age 4, life was so hectic, moving and school, that we didn't try to hard for another. Oce life calmed down, I found I had a hard time conceiving, surprised considering dd1! And then also had a hard time staying pg, with no reason , dr just said bad luck.

I had 4m of bedrest with dd2. Life was rough but dd1 was great through it all. Now the girls are great together. I think the gap is keeping dd1 young. Not to mention how preteens love babies. So while not what we planned, it is going great. Dd1 can even babysit for dd2.

I came from a large family where there was an 12 yr span between the oldest and youngest. I was never close to my closest sibling (20m). A boy that had a very different personality. And was very close to my 9 yr older brother and 3 yr younger sister

[dakotablue]

I'm so so so so wanting another right now. This is around the same time we became pregnant with DS2. DS1 and DS2 are 16 month 10 days apart. At first I was horrified (not really but unsure if we did the right thing, worried it'd be to hard ect...)

I love it! For my family at least, for my DS1 having DS2 was the perfect timing, BUT from 18 months until 23 months having a new born would have been really hard. I would rather have 16-17months apart or 2-2 1/2years apart.

Some things for me though, my personality is suited towards chaos I thrive in it. I'm trying to get Dh on board with trying for our 3rd now instead of in a year. He said, "If you woke up tomorrow and we had ten kids you'd be fine" which is true (not every minute but mostly) He wants to adjust a bit slower (which is reasonably )

I also kept my milk through out my pregnancy and love tandem breastfeeding.

And I babywear a LOT which makes things much easier.

Other people I know are done after one or need 5 year gaps. I think its very personal and tied to personality and parenting style. Plus at the end of the day you don't 'really' have full control anyway.

Oh and we want 5-6 kids..maybe 7.

[Kedrosami]

My 2 are 22 months apart, currently 25 months and 3 months old. I'm not gonna lie--I am incredibly overwhelmed and tandem nursing is kicking my butt! Being pregnant while having a toddler was hard at times, when my body really needed sleep and rest but that just wasn't an option. Now I am touched-out all the time, exhausted and feel trapped in my life.

It sounds pretty bad when I put it that way huh? I'm not saying it's not also fun and wonderful and exciting--it is, but it is intense right now! I miss my husband. I miss having friends and doing things just for myself. I imagine it would be a lot easier if we had family nearby (we have none.)

All that said, I still would probably choose to do it about the same way--maybe I would have aimed to have them 2.5 years apart rather than under 2, so that #1 could be more potty independent, more weaned, more independent in general. But I wouldn't want to have them more than 2-3 years apart. I'd like to get all the childbearing and breastfeeding done all at once then move on to the next phase rather than moving on with one then having to start the baby phase all over again with the next. (We're not planning any more kids.)

I just keep picturing how awesome it will be when they're older and play together every day!