How does anyone have time for that??? How do you keep a kid from throwing the whole artfully arranged tray on the floor??? It just epitomizes all the frustrations I have. I feel like every other mom has it all together and I am a mess and in survival mode even though DS is 2.5 and I should be getting into the groove of parenthood by now. Why is it so hard?!?!?
My DS is a maniac and we can't get anything done unless one of us (DH or I) is directly and constantly interacting with him, and even then, it's a crap shoot. He has no ability to entertain himself (never mind self-soothing or whatever) and he loves to cause chaos. We are lucky if we manage to eat a (quickly!) cooked meal once a day. The house is a wreck, not with toys and stuff but little broken parts of all the things DS destroys and bits of food that he's thrown all around and maybe some playdough purposely ground into the carpet.
Everything annoys him and in turn, everything he does annoys me, and DH and I are both so near our breaking point. The kid absolutely refuses to nap, but is NOT ready to stop napping, he is a miserable, destructive, dangerous mess, but there is absolutely nothing that works to get him to nap. He is scared of everything, he threw the (uncooked) lentil balls across the room because they were scary and was crying in the car because he thought it was going to fall off the road.
And of course, when we're out & about, he's an angel. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate him making me look good & all, but everyone thinks I'm insane if I complain about DS. No one understands that he's such a different kid at home, and no one understands how hard it is for him to function when we're out (he doesn't leave my side, he doesn't go play, he doesn't burn off energy -- he saves it all up for when we get home!) I keep him out all day most of the time, because he's so much easier to deal with, but it's exhausting, and once recently we tried just having a relaxing day at home and REALLY regretted it, he just needs to be out 24/7. I feel like a split personality because *I* am one person while out & about and a totally different person at home and no one has a clue how much pain I am hiding.
I am always too sick & tired to play with him and end up leaving it all to DH. Then I feel guilty for not playing with him more, and I really don't feel like I ever get a break because if I'm not entertaining DS (or nursing him or trying to keep him asleep), then I'm dealing with a lot of emotional crap and I just can't ever just BE and BE HAPPY.
I'm just so frustrated and I feel like I'm standing in my own way but at the same time I need to do what's best for DS and I have to keep working (WAH) and keep getting up in the morning and researching how to help DS and all I really want is to be able to STOP THINKING for just 5 minutes. UGH!!!!!
ETA: Sorry to vent here, I just feel like a cranky lunatic.
Edited by crunchy_mommy - 7/9/11 at 5:00pm