SOOOOO frustrated living in the US with my foreign DH - Page 2

[nia82]

I didn't have a race issue, but I encountered troubles when finding a job. I did work hard back home to get a MA degree from a prestigious university. I worked at a reputable company while going to school and finished it all on my 24th birthday and was soooo proud of myself. Then I came to the US to discover that nobody knows the reputation of my school here and being a foreigner have to settle for lesser jobs and then work my way up. It was really frustrating at first. I started a job with others who just finished a BA degree. I had to take jobs I was highly overqualified for. But I learned not to be upset at that anymore and instead looking at the bright side knowing I can work my way up quickly by being efficient, imaginative and diligent. There really is no other way.

[DariusMom]

I'm sorry. That's really really out of line. I hope your DH is doing better today.
 

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom 

Dh had a bad moment today.

One of the patients at work called the person who is training dh, and asked where he's from.  He was in the room at the time, but not right next to them, but maybe they thought he couldn't here/understand.

Patient: Where's he from.

Trainer: Ethiopia

Patient: Oh

Trainer: This country is so screwed up.  So many Americans out of work, and *he* gets a job.

:(

Which may explain why he's been having difficulty with her, if she's resentful of him even having a job. sigh.  It really tore him up to hear that. 

[babygirlie]

My cousin has her masters and can't get a job (she's extremely smart and works with numbers etc).. even with a bachelor's there is a huge fight over minimum wage jobs. The job market sucks. I'll get backlash from this but on the west coast foreigners get most of the jobs since they are bi-lingual. Here if you are not from Mexico you won't get hired. Just how it is and I think a lot of Americans from whatever decent are becoming bitter and lashing out at anybody for anything as they lose their homes and see foreigners without citizenship driving hummers

[mt_gooseberry]

Originally Posted by babygirlie 

Here if you are not from Mexico you won't get hired. Just how it is and I think a lot of Americans from whatever decent are becoming bitter and lashing out at anybody for anything as they lose their homes and see foreigners without citizenship driving hummers

Wow.  The only "foreigners without citizenship" that I know (and I know a lot), including my husband, are certainly NOT driving around in hummers while Americans lose their homes.  First of all, "citizenship" is not the same thing as being legal.  My husband is not a citizen, but he is here legally.  Second, Mexicans (legal and not) are returning to Mexico in droves because THEY are losing their homes and jobs at higher rates than any other ethnicity in the country (I can get you the actual stats if you don't believe me).  Third, most Mexicans (and other "foreigners") are working POS jobs that would never allow them to afford a hummer, and those who have "good" jobs probably deserve them.  It may seem like there are a disproportionate number of foreigners succeeding while "real" Americans suffer, but I assure you that it is simply your own desperation that is coloring your opinions.  You're seeing things from the outside, but I'm actually living it so I must say that I believe my own experience with this issue is more likely to be the accurate one. 

[DariusMom]

Wow! I just don't know what to say to this.

The one thing we can agree on is that the job market *does* suck . .. for everyone!

Why don't we blame the bad economic policies of the previous administrations for this rather than immigrants? It's exactly this scape-goating that plays into the hands of politicians who have no interest in reforming our economy or our political system. Why should they when uninformed people will blame immigrants for all their woes?

Moreover, while I'm certainly sorry for your cousin (I've btdt with a MA, btw), the fact is . .. . a MA (or even a MS) isn't any sort of guarantee of a job. Not only does the economy suck right now *but* it really really depends on what the MA is in and where your cousin lives. If it's a MA in a field where there isn't much of a demand . . . well . .. . yeah, it's rotten luck, but maybe she needs to either keep looking or retrain.

I'd be interested to see what statistics you have to validate your assertions that "west coast foreigners get most of the jobs."  I don't think you'll find any. I think your statement is based on ignorance of the way the complex economy in American works.

I should add that I was a foreigner without citizenship in the country I live in now for 11 years (in W. Europe). I didn't have *citizenship*, but I was here legally. Big difference! Don't drive a Hummer, though!

I hope that you can move past the knee-jerk intolerance being propagated by certain political groups and look at the facts for yourself.

Originally Posted by babygirlie 

My cousin has her masters and can't get a job (she's extremely smart and works with numbers etc).. even with a bachelor's there is a huge fight over minimum wage jobs. The job market sucks. I'll get backlash from this but on the west coast foreigners get most of the jobs since they are bi-lingual. Here if you are not from Mexico you won't get hired. Just how it is and I think a lot of Americans from whatever decent are becoming bitter and lashing out at anybody for anything as they lose their homes and see foreigners without citizenship driving hummers

[bluedaisy]

My cousin has her masters and can't get a job (she's extremely smart and works with numbers etc).. even with a bachelor's there is a huge fight over minimum wage jobs. The job market sucks. I'll get backlash from this but on the west coast foreigners get most of the jobs since they are bi-lingual. Here if you are not from Mexico you won't get hired. Just how it is and I think a lot of Americans from whatever decent are becoming bitter and lashing out at anybody for anything as they lose their homes and see foreigners without citizenship driving hummers

Yeah, my response to this is pretty much the same as the others have said - it's pretty offensive and I don't think it's accurate.  in my area, I definitely don't see many foreigners driving hummers.  Most of them are working poorly paying jobs that they are way overqualified for because education they received in their countries in not respected here - for example, my mom works with a woman who was an OB in Pakistan but is only a nurse's assistant here - her medical qualifications from Pakistan mean nothing and she is not even considered qualified to be a nurse.  My friend's father in law was a successful archaologist in Ethiopia and is now a parking attendant in a parking garage.

Also. there are some foreigners that come from very wealthy backgrounds in their home countries.  I think there's an assumption that all foreigners (especially those from "developing" countries) are poor and come to the US to make a better life.  I work with international students at a university and some of them come from extremely wealthy families and have way more money than most of the American students.  So just because a foreigner is driving a hummer doesn't mean he "stole" jobs from Americans and is wealthy at the expense of jobless Americans who are losing their homes. 

[matte]

Originally Posted by bluedaisy 

Yeah, my response to this is pretty much the same as the others have said - it's pretty offensive and I don't think it's accurate.  in my area, I definitely don't see many foreigners driving hummers.  Most of them are working poorly paying jobs that they are way overqualified for because education they received in their countries in not respected here - for example, my mom works with a woman who was an OB in Pakistan but is only a nurse's assistant here - her medical qualifications from Pakistan mean nothing and she is not even considered qualified to be a nurse.  My friend's father in law was a successful archaologist in Ethiopia and is now a parking attendant in a parking garage.

Also. there are some foreigners that come from very wealthy backgrounds in their home countries.  I think there's an assumption that all foreigners (especially those from "developing" countries) are poor and come to the US to make a better life.  I work with international students at a university and some of them come from extremely wealthy families and have way more money than most of the American students.  So just because a foreigner is driving a hummer doesn't mean he "stole" jobs from Americans and is wealthy at the expense of jobless Americans who are losing their homes. 

Yeah, it's also important to realize that some of the foreigners you see "driving hummers" etc, are from the very top of the social/economic spectrum in their home countries and are not here to work, but to shop etc. Better to compare them to the folks you see on Madison Ave in NYC and on Rodeo Drive in SoCal. 

[HappyHappyMommy]

Many people that might be considered by some as "foreigners" (because of how we look, the languages we speak, the places we were born or have lived, and/or our cultural or religious practices) are US citizens or are legally eligible to work in the US, not foreign citizens or illegally working in the US. In addition, "Americans" is a frequently misused term to refer to "US citizens" when in fact, it means anyone from the Americas. Some of the comments on this thread come across as offensive to me and racist and stereotyping.

With regards to the economy, I think that we can all agree that it's not good and I think DariusMom makes an important point that some politicians have encouraged the scape-goating of one group of people or another to avoid addressing the deeper issues of economic reform (and the mistakes made by politicians in the past that have strongly contributed to the current situation). In addition, I think it's easy to look at a country-specific (for example, in the US, to look at a very US-specific or US-centric) view, but the economic problems of one country impact the global economy and people worldwide. The US is affected by poverty and economic challenges in many countries worldwide and the economy problems in the US affect many other countries worldwide.

OP, I hope that your DH finds a job that is interesting and best utilizes his skills and talents.

[kgdg]

where do you live? My African husband and I have some of the same issues, but I wonder if there are places in the US that might be better because more black and more cosmopolitan? Atlanta, Brooklyn, ...
 

[tonttu]

Originally Posted by bluedaisy 

Yeah, my response to this is pretty much the same as the others have said - it's pretty offensive and I don't think it's accurate.  in my area, I definitely don't see many foreigners driving hummers.  Most of them are working poorly paying jobs that they are way overqualified for because education they received in their countries in not respected here - for example, my mom works with a woman who was an OB in Pakistan but is only a nurse's assistant here - her medical qualifications from Pakistan mean nothing and she is not even considered qualified to be a nurse.  My friend's father in law was a successful archaologist in Ethiopia and is now a parking attendant in a parking garage.

Also. there are some foreigners that come from very wealthy backgrounds in their home countries.  I think there's an assumption that all foreigners (especially those from "developing" countries) are poor and come to the US to make a better life.  I work with international students at a university and some of them come from extremely wealthy families and have way more money than most of the American students.  So just because a foreigner is driving a hummer doesn't mean he "stole" jobs from Americans and is wealthy at the expense of jobless Americans who are losing their homes. 

I think , the problem is , that mnay Americans don´t really have a clue as to what is really going on in other countries . 

In 1992 , I moved from my native Germany to Indiana with my husband , whom I had met , while he was stationed overseas , and when I started working ( at Pizza Hut ) , one of my co - workers , after finding out where I was from , said " oh , so you finally came to a modern country " 

I thought " what ? "

Couldn´t help , but tell him " no , I left one "  

[singin'intherain]

My partner is from West Africa, and we live on the west coast. I have to say that things are much different here, from the sound of it. I had to explain to him that racism is still alive and thriving in the US, because he's never seen it. Part of that may be that he just doesn't "see" it, because of his personality. But I also don't see it happening to him. In fact, we sometimes joke about the "immigrant pass", because as soon as he opens his mouth and the African accent comes out, peoples' attitudes tend to change for the better.

In western washington, we have people from all over the world, and this area has always been that way- so we see a lot of diversity, and I think people are just more used to it. Seattle has a large population of Somalian refugees, who are frankly known for being hard working, pious, and for adding stability and peace to a really rough part of town. We have Asian immigrants from every country, plenty of Mexican and Central and South American immigrants, a big population of Phillipinos, and our share of Europeans and Africans. I think the dominant attitude here (which is still a stereotype, of course) is that immigrants to this country must be the smartest and most motivated individuals from their countries- otherwise, how would they have made it through the process?

Any chance of your dh finding work in this area?

[SomethingAnonymous]

Originally Posted by singin'intherain 

My partner is from West Africa, and we live on the west coast. I have to say that things are much different here, from the sound of it. I had to explain to him that racism is still alive and thriving in the US, because he's never seen it. Part of that may be that he just doesn't "see" it, because of his personality. But I also don't see it happening to him. In fact, we sometimes joke about the "immigrant pass", because as soon as he opens his mouth and the African accent comes out, peoples' attitudes tend to change for the better.

In western washington, we have people from all over the world, and this area has always been that way- so we see a lot of diversity, and I think people are just more used to it. Seattle has a large population of Somalian refugees, who are frankly known for being hard working, pious, and for adding stability and peace to a really rough part of town. We have Asian immigrants from every country, plenty of Mexican and Central and South American immigrants, a big population of Phillipinos, and our share of Europeans and Africans. I think the dominant attitude here (which is still a stereotype, of course) is that immigrants to this country must be the smartest and most motivated individuals from their countries- otherwise, how would they have made it through the process?

Any chance of your dh finding work in this area?

I was going to say this same thing about Washington - I honestly can't speak about the job market, but I have lived in both Western and Eastern Washington the majority of my life and cannot imagine any major discrimination.  So I do think some areas of the country must be better. I think washington has a lot of diversity and a lot of open minded people. My partner is Asian and we've literally only heard one weird comment, and it was actually across the border in Idaho and it was an old lady who was probably at least 80.  Not that that's an excuse but I think sometimes people in their 80s and 90s come from a completely different culture and haven't realized how much things have changed. He also grew up in the SF bay area and says he never experienced or witnessed any racism or discrimination there. If you want to give the US another shot, I'd say try another area. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time!

[eknuckles]

My step dad is extremely smart and has a PHd. He is from Pakistan, extremely articulate to the point where others often times do not understand all the words he is saying because they are too 'big'. He is respectful and over all a good person.
Sometimes he had a good job (making YOUR computer chips) and other times he had to work for absolute rude individuals who would not call him by his name, and would even point at him with his foot while saying 'him'.
Thats seriously not even the tip of the ice burg (berg?) it caused our family to be absolutely torn apart and five and half years later we are still recovering. Him and my mother and younger sibs live in a different country now.

[nyssaneala]

Originally Posted by bluedaisy 

Thanks for all the replies...

I think a lot of it does have to do with his field - he's in peacebuilding/international development.  I can understand that a lot of fields would have a lot more opportunities and better pay in the US, but his field might be the exception.   There are a lot of foreign alumni of his MA program, and those back in their own countries have generally well paying influential jobs in the government, UN, or NGOs, and those who tried to stay in the US are working in walmart, restaurants, struggling to find jobs, etc.

(((((hugs)))))

I worked in a similar field (refugee resettlement) before DD was born, and it is very, very difficult to break into. We lived overseas for 4 years, and I had an extremely difficult time finding a job when we came back to the US, and this was in 2006. Almost all of the feedback I received after job interviews was that they hired someone internally, and the best thing to do was to try for an unpaid internship in the organization to get my foot in the door. It was extremely frustrating, because I worked as a director of a non-profit before I came back to the US. And unpaid internships were definitely not an option; at that time I was the main wage earner as hubby had just graduated from med school.

Most agencies are in DC or NYC, but there are a few headquartered in Baltimore, which has a much lower cost of living than DC. LIRS, Lutheran World Relief...there are a few others but I am drawing a blank on them right now.

[mama.nesta]

Hey BlueDaisy it seems like we have some things in common.  I have a 2yo, am due with #2 in Feb, and met and married my hubby in Tanzania.  We are also considering moving back in the coming year or two.  My hubby doesn't have an extensive education but is trying to take advantage of the positive things available in the US and is pursuing his GED...but he is back in Tanzania now...he went for a variety of reasons but one of the major ones was that he was depressed and anxious living here.  His job is hard, and has long hours and we were both stressed about economics and the unexpected (but joyful) realization that we are adding to our lot coupled with his dad being ill made the trip a reality.   He will be returning in a few weeks and honestly I am really nervous that he is going to begin feeling the same way all over again.  We live very close to my family and they are so in love with our daughter that the thought of moving makes me feel guilty.  On the other hand, I miss the pace of life, the ability to spend real  quality time with my hubby and kids, and our life there would probably be pretty cushy.  I have taught at international schools in the past and could prob get a position, hubby could return to the safari biz, and we could have his sister stay with us and be our dada (you probably get this term??) ... The kids would get a great education at an international school and they would attend free or on reduced tuition...in so many ways it makes sense....but I am an only child, my dad is single and all of his family passed away, my LO is the love of his life... the thought of leaving makes me feel so bad...for him and my LO.....anyway...ranting, and so tired