You never think it will happen to you.

[misseslloyd]

My beautiful son was born on July 2nd of this year.  We had planned beautiful, natural birth.  We had a doula and a very supportive doctor.  All I needed was to go into labor.  At my 40w visit we discovered that the baby's fluid was very low.  The doctor said we could safely wait 3 days before induction with hopes labor would start naturally. Two days later I hadn't felt any movement so I was sent to and admitted to the birth center.  The baby was doing okay but we agreed upon an induction.  I was given cervadil and then pitocin.  After 48 hours of labor I began hemhorraging.  I felt a gush and thought my water broke only to learn that I was gushing blood.  I was rushed in for an emergency c-section.  I had a placental abruption and because I was crashing the c-section had to be done under general anesthesia so I couldnt be awake & my husband couldnt be there. My baby was born and given to people who didnt love him :( Once he was okayd by the doctors he went ot my husband and was able to do skin on skin and given his first bath.  I missed the first 2 hours of his life and no one understands why Im upset :(

[Subhuti]

I am so sorry for your trauma.  I had to have an emergency c-section as well and it was traumatic.  Fortunately, I was awake and could hold my baby right after.  

I guess people are not sympathetic because they are just glad that YOU and your baby are alive.   Thank goodness.  But it sure does not mitigate what you went through.  

My wishes for you that you have a healing and wonderful babymoon ~  that all that lost time right after can be found in the days and nights together to come.

[freelancemom]

I'm so sorry to hear this. It really is hard when things don't go as planned and not being able to see your baby right away is terrible. My son was born with an imperforate anus and was whisked away to another hospital and I couldn't see him until he was 3 days old and it broke my heart. You do make up for the lost time though, trust me. It will never be the same as spending those first hours with him, which always hurts, but you will still have that special bond with your little one. 

[Alenushka]

I understand why you are upcet. Thing did not go as planned. It is true that no one loves the baby they way mother loves her child. However, people in the hospital who helped to bring this baby into this world love all babies. This is why they work in OB. Their goal is to bring each and every child into this world alive and healthy and they do their best.

Mere 100 years ago you would not be posting here because you and youe child would not have made it as result of placental abruption .

I know it is sad when our expreince do not go the way we planned.   However , I have many firends who loved and are bonded to their adopted babies. They deeply love babies who they did not get to hold skin to skin for weeks, months and sometime years. And their children just as bonded to them

Motehrhood is life long expreince and you will see, weeks, month and years from now the first 2 horus will loose its significance as you look into the eyes of you happy baby, infant, toddler and even sulky teen.

Congradualtions on a birth fo your baby!

[lunarlady]

Thankfully you were where you needed to be to save both your life and the life of your child. I'm sure that most of your friends and family are so focused on the tragedy barely avoided to stop and realize that for you, a tragedy did occur. You lost the birth experience you wanted, and lost several hours of much anticipated bonding time. You have every reason to be upset and to mourn that lost time with your little one. I will tell you that my traumatic birth meant I could not hold my little one for several hours PP. But in some ways I actually bonded more quickly and strongly to my traumatically birthed child than my "easy" birth child. Maybe because I really did look death in the eye in order to bring her into the world, or maybe because I so nearly lost every moment with her, I savor the moments we do have more. Please know that no matter how things started out, in time you will have a bond with your child that no other relationship can match. It is truly magical. Also know that it is okay to mourn for the birth you lost, to feel sad, angry, or hurt by the birth you did have, and to be upset about how things turned out. I once heard it said that having a traumatic birth is sort of like throwing yourself in front of a bus to save your child. You do it, but you nobody expects you to feel thankful to the bus or happy about the experience. Healing physically and emotionally takes a long time and gentle care. Be kind to yourself and let your emotions ebb and flow as they will. Remember that your little one spent nine months listening to you breathe, talk, eat, sing and laugh. A few hours is not going to override all that bonding that occurred before the birth.

[RaspberryLeaf]

Sorry to had to go through that experience; but I am thankful that you and your baby are healthy.

[Megan73]

Losing the birth you'd imagined is a loss so please, please don't think I'm telling you it's not.
But I had exactly the same thing happen to me at my five-month-old son's birth - sudden bleeding from a placental abruption, an emergency section that my husband missed, I couldn't hold my baby - and all I feel is grateful. An abruption killed our first baby, his sister.
I wish his birth and first hours had been different but I have my whole life to spend with him.

[Partaria]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. While I didn't have an emergency C-section, I did have a traumatic birth that ended in a c-section. I understand not getting the birth you wanted.

I'm guessing you planned a beautiful birth. I'm guessing you meditated on your choices, informed yourself, and chose people you trusted to help with your birth. You probably invested a lot in this birth, and the kind of introduction to the world you wanted to give your child. You probably visualized the first moments of your sweet babe's life, when he or she would be born into loving, familiar arms. I know I sure did. And when none of that happened for me, my heart absolutely broke.

I fell in love with my son at first sight, but there was still a huge grief in me over losing the birth I had dreamed of. It is a true, deep loss that merits its own grieving process. That grief is separate from how you feel about your babe. While it is true that it's a good thing you and the little one are alive and well, that's not where this story ends. You still lost something and had a dream dashed. And that is difficult.

It's funny. In our culture, we are pretty big into weddings, right? The perfect day where all your dreams are supposed to be fulfilled. And yet, when disasters happen on wedding days (the cake is ruined, the caterers don't show, the dress gets stained), no one tells you, "Well, at least you got married, right? And that's all that matters." Because there is an understanding that it's not just the end result that's important. It's the process of how you got there.

That is also true, I think anyway, of birth. Yes, the outcome of healthy babe and mama is the overarching goal. And it is a comfort that you both are here and well. I don't mean to say it isn't. But it isn't everything. Your survival and your babe's, while wonderful, doesn't make the process of how you survived palatable.

I am sorry that your dream birth didn't end up manifesting as you had planned. It isn't fair, and I wish it had gone differently for you. But it sounds like you faced up to a terrifying situation and managed to come out the other side. That in itself is amazing. An emergency c-section is the greatest birth fear of many women, for some it's even more than the fear of the pain of childbirth. And when your child (and you) needed you to face what might have been your imagined worst-case scenario, you did. That is something a courageous, beautiful, strong mama does. And while the pain of a traumatic birth will linger as you grieve for what you lost, the ability you had to endure a terrible situation for you and your child is something you can hang on to.

One day, when you are ready, I hope you come to a place where you are proud that you survived this. It hurts to think of your LO born into the hands of strangers, I know. I grieve for that for my son, too. But so soon, it sounds like, your baby was with a familiar voice and presence- Dad. And while you weren't awake to see the birth, you were still there in a way, your body providing this little life with a warm cozy shelter right up until the moment he was lifted out.

I hope you find peace, mama. Enjoy that sweet baby. And above all else, be gentle with yourself.

[scottishmommy]

Oh my goodness how terrifying. I can't imagine going through that. You are a very brave and strong mama. I'm glad that you and your baby are safe, but I'm very sorry you had such a traumatic experience. If I were you I would make an appointment with a counselor just to sort out your feelings. It helps so much to get professional help. My thoughts are with you!

[ichagirl]

Originally Posted by Subhuti 

I guess people are not sympathetic because they are just glad that YOU and your baby are alive.   Thank goodness.  But it sure does not mitigate what you went through.  

I think this is totally true! I had a traumatic birth (that thankfully didn't involve a c-section) and people don't seem to understand why I'm upset since my baby and I are alive.

*hugs* to the original poster. I hope you can find a way to work through this!