the story: my ex and i split up in 2008, when dd was 1. we were never married, and have maintained a mostly 50/50 set up since then - dd is with me sunday through thursday, with her dad thurs pm through sun am (or sometimes sat pm if i'm off sunday). we've both dated other people, and i am currently in a relationship, and living at my mother's house to help her out financially. my boyfriend lives with his family, as well, for similar reasons.
the problem: i see several posts here about missing our kids, and how to explain the various living situations/relationships we have with our children. i grew up with divorced parents and two homes and i hated it. i don't know if that was due to my own parents' relationship (which was poor) or if it was the bag-packing and back and forth that made me so resentful and determined to not repeat that pattern - however, here i am. i spent a long time when my ex and i were still together debating whether or not it was worth sacrificing my own happiness (and sanity) to stay together for the sake of our daughter, or if moving out and separating would be better because at least then i could offer her a better version of myself. in the end, i chose to leave, but three years later i'm still grieving, still coping with a lot of guilt for raising my child between two homes. are any of you feeling the same thing?
my ex is not a bad man. he's not great, and there are numerous issues i'd like to address with him, but many of those are ingrained in his person - ie: the way he was raised, his own goals, etc. and not necessarily things that are change-able - just things that don't match with what i'd like for my life. however, we share a child, right? and so, the "out" isn't as easy as it is when there isn't another being that requires us both to be involved. lately, i find myself questioning the choice to move - especially in light of several of my other mom-friends who are divorcing their husbands and embracing their newly single selves - i feel like we're all throwing in the towel prematurely, maybe, or that splitting up is the new normal, the next step. by no means do i intend to offend or insult anyone for choosing to part ways with their significant other - i only want to point out a trend and address the fact that when these women look to me with wide eyes, hoping that i'll tell them it's going to be great, i can't do it. it's not great. it's really hard, and i carry a lot of guilt.
i turned out alright, you know? i am the product of a divorced family, and i turned out alright. there are definitely ways in which i think i could be better in relationships and more confident in work/career/school/parenting, but who is to say that those skills would have been fostered by keeping both of my parents in a single home.
i guess my question is this: do any of you feel this way? do you worry about your kids and the way they adapt or don't? do you ever wish you would have stayed together, at least for the duration of their childhood? sometimes i wonder if remaining "together" (not necessarily romantically involved) would have been the better choice, and i wonder if maybe we just lacked the maturity to do that.
if you've felt like this before, what have you done to deal? the boyfriend and i have been talking seriously about moving in together, and suddenly i'm feeling totally overwhelmed, like this really cements the two-home deal in place.