Two DDs in the family bed, struggling as to how to transition

[lawschoolmama]

Hello all,

I'll start off by saying that I know this issue has been posted about before in one variation or another, but I'm having a hard time finding advice in other threads that will really pertain to my situation, so please bear with me...

I have two DDs, ages 3.5 years and 12.5 months.  They have both co-slept with me since birth.  DH has always had a hard time with co-sleeping...He understands that it made it easier for me to night-nurse, etc., but he just doesn't have much patience for it long-term.  He can't sleep well with people touching him, and he misses being alone in bed with me at night.  I get that, I really do.  The problems are: 1) DD1 is a cuddler.  Big time.  I planned to transition her to her own bed when I was PG with DD2, and that just didn't work out.  A combination of factors: I was tired, we were moving and I thought it was too many transitions at once, she spontaneously night-weaned and then fully weaned during the pregnancy and so I thought hey this is actually moving forward one step at a time so why push it?  I also thought that she wouldn't really like bedsharing with a baby in bed too and that she'd want to transition to her own bed after DD2 came.  But, no.  Since DD2's birth, DD1 sleeps on one side of me and DD2 on the other.  DD1 is VERY cuddly--she simply can't go to sleep unless someone is there to snuggle with her.  We tried getting her excited about her big girl bed, let her pick the sheets, tried to cuddle with her in there until she went to sleep, etc., but it hasn't worked.  She likes the sheets, but she was only excited about her bed for like a day.  She will freak if she goes to sleep with someone snuggling and then that person isn't there when she wakes up.  She's not particularly attached to my bed itself--for example, she'll sleep over with my mom in my mom's bed.  So it's not an attachment to the blankets or anything.  If I try to force the issue of her bed, she will get hysterical.  I just don't want her to be traumatized by this, but what else can I do?

With DD2, she is a non-stop nurser at night, and such a light sleeper.  I feel like I could keep co-sleeping with her for a while, but truly, I'm just getting so exhausted because I can't sleep well when she's actively on the breast.  I just need a bit of a break.  And DH doesn't like the fact that he sleeps in DD1's bed instead of our bed, while me and the DDs are in another room.  DD2 just wakes up so easily, and ONLY goes back to sleep at the breast, no paci will work or anything.  If her back touches a crib she wakes up!  I want to have a third baby, but I don't feel like that's possible with our sleeping situation the way it is.

I know this post is disjointed, but does anyone have any ideas, with regard to DD1 OR DD2?  I'd appreciate anything.  Thank you!!

[SweetSilver]

DH won't like my response, but my girls and I are still snuggling at 4.5 and 6.5 with no intention of transitioning.  I sneak out for some TV and hubby time, curl up for a bit with my DH then crawl in between my girls. I am thankful our room is big enough for two queen-size futons (great for gymnastics during the day!).  The girls and I cram on one, DH on the other.  Honestly, we aren't very compatible sleepers as he's very picky about his covers.  Plus, I enjoy cuddling much more.  

     The fact is,* I * parent the girls at night.  I take them to the potty, take care of them when they are sick, reassure them when they are insecure.  He doesn't want to do those things, and I don't want to be a nighttime parent from another room.  So, it's not ideal for our relationship but we are OK with it for the time being.