need some CPS advice - if we call would they do anything? - Page 2

[cparkly]

Would it make the family more comfortable if the boys shared a room but not beds? Could the concerned family members pool $$ and buy 3 cots, air matresses, or bunks for the boys to replace the big bed?

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by cparkly 

Would it make the family more comfortable if the boys shared a room but not beds? Could the concerned family members pool $$ and buy 3 cots, air mattresses, or bunks for the boys to replace the big bed?

Yeah, a little more energy and $ spent toward helping might get better ultimate results than calling CPS.  You can often find bunk beds (or loft beds or trundles) on Craigslist, or even freecycle, if anyone has the time and a vehicle to check the ads and pickup the beds.

[APToddlerMama]

False.  They get paid to investigate and determine whether kids are in safe or unsafe situations, and then to find a safe situation if the kids are not safe.  This includes supporting the child's family of origin through all sorts of services designed to help the children remain in their homes.  What a judgemental and inaccurate statement.   
 

Originally Posted by aurora_skys 

 Remember, they get paid to take children from families.

[CrazyCatLady]

This has not been my experience.  At all.  Nothing about my home was unsafe, and yet my daughter was still taken.  And I know for darn sure that she isn't any safer or better off with my crazy/elderly ex-MIL.  Not a single service has ever been offered to me.  It has been all on me to come up with the money, time, and resources needed to even be allowed to remain in touch with my daughter.  If I weren't as blessed as I am with family to help, and the ability to model for extra money...I would have had to given up completely on ever seeing or getting my daughter back by now.  Because the system has done nothing to help her or me, and everything they can to make it almost impossible for me to win this.
 

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

False.  They get paid to investigate and determine whether kids are in safe or unsafe situations, and then to find a safe situation if the kids are not safe.  This includes supporting the child's family of origin through all sorts of services designed to help the children remain in their homes.  What a judgemental and inaccurate statement.   
 

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by sarahr 

I would be much more concerned that a man that your SIL has only known for 3 weeks has now moved in. Still not CPS worthy -- but can family members invite her boys to visit for a while until their dad comes back? Very poor judgment, if nothing else.

This.  Why would you move a man you just met into your house?  Why does a grown man need a place to live that bad?  Why doesn't he have his own home?  

I wish the kid's father hadn't gone out of town for two weeks right now.  He should cut his vacation short and come home to deal with the fact that their mother let a man she just met move in.

The three boys sharing a bed shouldn't be an issue.  I know boys this age who have sleep overs with lots of boys in one room, and as far as I know, none of them have ever been molested by the other kids at the sleepover.  The kids of the same age sharing a bed probably doesn't have anything to do with sex.  I think that is totally safe.  

I just think it's weird that a man and women who just met would want to live together. 
 

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady 

This has not been my experience.  At all.  Nothing about my home was unsafe, and yet my daughter was still taken.  And I know for darn sure that she isn't any safer or better off with my crazy/elderly ex-MIL.  Not a single service has ever been offered to me.  It has been all on me to come up with the money, time, and resources needed to even be allowed to remain in touch with my daughter.  If I weren't as blessed as I am with family to help, and the ability to model for extra money...I would have had to given up completely on ever seeing or getting my daughter back by now.  Because the system has done nothing to help her or me, and everything they can to make it almost impossible for me to win this.
 

I wouldn't in a billion years make a judgement on the outcome of a CPS case with only details from the internet, but I will say that my heart breaks for anyone who has had their child removed from a home that was loving and safe.  I know it happens, though in all my years of working in child welfare, I have never personally encountered it.  What I have encountered is hundreds of children who have been left in unsafe, abusive, and neglectful homes.  That is the true failure of the child welfare system--that child are left in terrible situations on a regular basis, and frequently also placed in foster or kinship homes that are sickeningly awful.  Social workers are not eager to remove kids from homes in most situations because we know how bad some foster homes can be too (not all obviously as there are some fabulous, outstanding, loving foster families and I don't want to minimize that).  The child welfare system is not perfect and mistakes are made on a regular basis.  BUT, the majority of social workers are in it to make a difference.  We don't get paid jack, the hours suck, you're always "on call", and you spend your days in filthy and heart-wrenching situations. 

To say that social workers are paid to remove kids from homes is completely false.  If a social worker is doing their job, they are helping families access resources to strengthen the family and allow children to remain in the home, or be reunified with their parents if possible.  Sadly, this is not always possible, but then there is a strong push to get kids into loving adoptive homes too. Not all social workers are doing their jobs, and not all states and counties are set up in a way to facilitate families getting the resources they may need to remain in tact, but that is the goal.  There is absolutely no *goal* to remove children from homes.  In fact, in the state I worked in, there were stats we were required to meet for *keeping* kids in homes and reunifying families.  This has resulted in kids languishing in abusive/neglectful homes...

[CrazyCatLady]

Well I have been told by numerous lawyers that if I lived even 5 minutes away in a different county...that none of this would have ever been allowed to happen.  Supposedly where I lived when she was removed, the CPS system there is very bored and very corrupt.  So I don't doubt anything you are saying.  I just always feel the need to speak up when someone insists that CPS is always slow to remove kids, and that their goal is to first keep families together.  Because even though that may be true the large majority of the time.  It is not always the case, and my situation is an example of that.  And if it's happened to me, then it has to have happened to others. 

Sorry OP for letting the thread get off topic.  I hope your family is able to work something out that can make everyone happy/comfortable.
 

Originally Posted by APToddlerMama 

I wouldn't in a billion years make a judgement on the outcome of a CPS case with only details from the internet, but I will say that my heart breaks for anyone who has had their child removed from a home that was loving and safe.  I know it happens, though in all my years of working in child welfare, I have never personally encountered it.  What I have encountered is hundreds of children who have been left in unsafe, abusive, and neglectful homes.  That is the true failure of the child welfare system--that child are left in terrible situations on a regular basis, and frequently also placed in foster or kinship homes that are sickeningly awful.  Social workers are not eager to remove kids from homes in most situations because we know how bad some foster homes can be too (not all obviously as there are some fabulous, outstanding, loving foster families and I don't want to minimize that).  The child welfare system is not perfect and mistakes are made on a regular basis.  BUT, the majority of social workers are in it to make a difference.  We don't get paid jack, the hours suck, you're always "on call", and you spend your days in filthy and heart-wrenching situations. 

To say that social workers are paid to remove kids from homes is completely false.  If a social worker is doing their job, they are helping families access resources to strengthen the family and allow children to remain in the home, or be reunified with their parents if possible.  Sadly, this is not always possible, but then there is a strong push to get kids into loving adoptive homes too. Not all social workers are doing their jobs, and not all states and counties are set up in a way to facilitate families getting the resources they may need to remain in tact, but that is the goal.  There is absolutely no *goal* to remove children from homes.  In fact, in the state I worked in, there were stats we were required to meet for *keeping* kids in homes and reunifying families.  This has resulted in kids languishing in abusive/neglectful homes...

[childsplay]

I feel bad for the kids, first their Father moves out, then some guy moves in, next they're ousted from their bedrooms (rooms that most likely provided them with comfort, privacy and security) so strangers could move in - which says to me that the kids are pretty much lowest on the scale of importance in that household - then they're made to share a bed with yet another stranger, albeit one they're age who is playing the role of what? Stepbrother? 

Anyone who's saying it's no big deal, kids share beds all the time obviously haven't read the entire post.

OP, I'd keep a sharp eye on the kids and the goings on in the house. It just boggles my mind why and how a grown man would just up and move in with a woman he just met. And drag his kids along while he's at it. And stand by and let her own kids, the ones who actually LIVE there get kicked out of their rooms. Sounds like a real winner.

And a PP mentioned pooling money to buy some bunk beds, I think that's a great idea.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

This.  Why would you move a man you just met into your house?  Why does a grown man need a place to live that bad?  Why doesn't he have his own home?  

I wish the kid's father hadn't gone out of town for two weeks right now.  He should cut his vacation short and come home to deal with the fact that their mother let a man she just met move in.

The three boys sharing a bed shouldn't be an issue.  I know boys this age who have sleep overs with lots of boys in one room, and as far as I know, none of them have ever been molested by the other kids at the sleepover.  The kids of the same age sharing a bed probably doesn't have anything to do with sex.  I think that is totally safe.  

I just think it's weird that a man and women who just met would want to live together. 
 

Really, I knew that I wanted to live with DH within the first few days of meeting him. We were a lot younger, and we had time to spare. If I was 40 and I felt like I was spending my life alone and I met a man that I knew I was head over heels in love with, I could totally see wanting to move in immediately. However, I cant see how you could not think of how it would impact your children, or not sit down with exH and explain what you were introducing his kids into.

[GiJohnsGirl]

Originally Posted by aurora_skys 

Do you have personal experience with CPS or children who have been under their "care"? I wouldnt call unless the children indicate something more than just sharing a bed with another kid. Getting CPS involved in a case where you actually want the kids to stay in the family is not a good idea. Remember, they get paid to take children from families.  (Of course some caseworkers are saints, but not all of them!!)

No they do NOT get paid to take children away from their families. They are paid to help families provide the best care and situation possible for the children involved. Many times that means therapy, home visits, parenting classes and rehab. It is a common misconception to think that CPS likes/or their only purpose is to "take children away from their families". That is a last resort measure when parents become uncompliant or unwilling to change or the child is in some sort of mortal danger. Many times they will relocate the child to another family member if one is suitable. I am social worker and there is nothing more frustrating than when people say that CPS/DHS wants to take their children. People do not realize how traumatizing that is to the child.