Failed homebirths and needing some support... Buddy system please?

[NANandAUBIE]

Hello all...

Im not pregnant yet, but TTC and already thinking about birth. I had 2 previous medicated hospital births. I planned homebirths. I have some issues that I think need working out about homebirth. I am not sure I BELIEVE I can HAVE a homebirth. I dont believe in my bodies ability to spontaneously go into labor. I get major anxiety towards the end of my pregnancy. I get uncomfortable and antsy and of course most people are right there to egg that on because of society's view of birth. There is a block for me, that hospital=birth. I have PTSD, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder. I am seeking ways to control it, other than meds because after years on meds that dont work or give me other awful side effects, I just cant keep putting them in my body.

Im going to start coming here and hanging out. Im hoping that by the time I am pregnant I will have some buddies here and maybe with support feel more confident in my ability to birth at home and birth PERIOD without medical intervention....

I guess Im just looking for some support and buddies to chat with and to hang out over here with you mama's!

:)))))

[4 in 2005]

I hear you.  I am currently planning a homebirth.  It is my second attempt to try for a homebirth (and my last attempt as my DF will get getting a vasectomy after this baby.)   I am very close to risking out of homebirth right now actually.   I had a hard time when starting down this road again of trying to let go of what happened last time.  

Everything was on track for a hombeirth when at 35 weeks my blood pressure skyrocketed and I started having a headache and visual issues.  Off to the Er where they said I had no protein in my urine so they were not sure it was pre-e.  They thought maybe it was a migraine and gave me pain meds.  That seemed to trigger contractions.   Next thing I knew I was in labor.  My son was born the next day.   It was a horrible labor and delivery also the only medicated delivery out of 5 kids. 

Now this time I kept debating did I try for another homebirth or did I go the hospital route.  I went in to see the CNMW and was told I had to see the OB because I was too high risk to have another preemie. However they didn't even talk about options to try to prevent a preemie.  In fact she flat out said my cervix would not hold up to 37 weeks.   That too many kids and my age had worn my cervix out.   Well now I am 39 weeks 5 days pregnant and I haven't been this far pregnant since my first child when I was 19 years old!   (I have 5 kids not counting the one on the way and I am 35 years old.)  

Now I am getting to the point my blood pressure is going up and I have severe swelling.   So hoping I don't risk out again.  :(  Esp since I know this is my last chance.  

I wish I had words of encouragement but I can tell you that you are not alone.

[Thing1Thing2]

I too am planning my second home birth. My first was a hospital transfer because my water broke and labor didnt start soon enough. I had to be induced and then had the epidural, but had a vaginal delivery with no tears.

I am using the same CNM, and I hope that labor starts for me this time. I, too am a little nervous about the prospect of having a home birth, but I would be more nervous about going to the hospital so that settles it for me. I'm not going to make myself crazy by tying myself down to one particular plan. I want to stay at home as long as possible and if that ends in a home birth - great! If I feel I need to get to the hospital, then that's what I will do - and I won't feel a bit of remorse.

Each birth is different and each birth completes you in a different way. You have to follow your gut to know what is best for you.

[cat13]

Hi Nanandaubie   I think that it's wonderful that you are exploring your fears and concerns well before you become pregnant. I am also planning a homebirth, and I have been dealing with a lot of fears myself. Coming to the HB forum and especially connecting with other women in my Due Date Club (of course you have to get your bfp first!) has been a great support for me. I hope you can find the support you need as well.

One other thing... and this is coming from someone who hasn't had a baby yet so bear with me... a month ago or so I made a rule for myself that I could only read positive birth stories until the end of my pregnancy. Even though I learned so much from reading all types of birth stories, I realize that right now I just need to work on visualizing what I WANT to happen. If this sounds like a good plan for you, you can find some great stories in Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.

[NANandAUBIE]

I think my fears are deeper rooted than that. I just spoke with my husband. Our first labor was long. We were in a bad time in our marriage. I did not prepare as well as I thought I did or as well as I should and after 35 ish hours of labor and not sleeping and complete and utter discomfort, I transferred. I was seeing CNM's as a contigency plan because I didnt want to risk a transfer to some crappy on call OB, but in hindsight, I think I needed to have that back up since I thought and knew deep down inside that I could not achieve a homebirth. My team was not well fit to me either. My midwife was amazing, I love her. Her back up midwife was not a great match for me. Her doula was not a great match for DH and my mom was in tow and she was not helping either. She was being my mom not a labor support.

Second baby, not planned. BAD TIMING. Mixed feelings about the pregnancy. Planned the HB, saw MW's at the hospital for contingency and to cut down on costs for HB (prenatals done less often with HB MW because we spoke about my prenatals after and I got her all the info she needed from those appts). Come to find out I have a marginal previa. So I see specialists and while marginal it still scares me. I labored at home for 7 days. LOOONG labor. By the time I get to day 7, I want to go to the hospital to make things GO. So we go and while the birth went well, it was not what I wanted. I push WELL. My babies come FASt after my water breaks.

My biggest issue is ANXIETY. I have alot of anxiety, period. So I get anxious at the end of my pregnancies. I get worried and feel like I WILL NEVER go into labor.

Ive started taking some herbal supplements and am looking into acupuncture and yoga for this. We are actually TTC this time and in a GREAT place in our marriage. We spoke about our wants for this labor. I plan on taking some classes with DH and learning to lean on him for our labor. I just need to BELIEVE I can homebirth. The hospital doesnt make my baby come MY BODY DOES.

[NANandAUBIE]

Thanks ladies for all the input. ((((BIG HUGS))))))

[4 in 2005]

Ok just so you know attempt #2 was the winner for me.  I went into labor on July 13th.  I went into labor around 10:45-11ish.  After 30 minutes I called my DF over.   As soon as he got here I called the midwife.  She got here and told me I was 9cms.  2 contractions later I was semi-pushing.  I had these wimpy little pushes 2 times.  Then I switched position.   I then pushed one time and my water broke and his head and shoulders were delivered same push!  

It was awesome.  I stressed and thought my anxiety over my blood pressure, over my fears over everything would keep me from ever going into labor. I would do it all again if I had the chance.

[yaboobarb]

I would try EFT to get myself ready for my birth. As humans, we are full of resistances that we can't pinpoint. EFt will help you get to the bottom of it.
It is free to learn and use. There are lots of free videos on You tube.

Also, I know an amazing EFT coach you can work with over the phone if you need some "coaching," PM me and I will give you a link

Barbara

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

I was just coming here to start a similar thread! I'm very freshly expecting #2 and planning an HBAC.

With my daughter, I planned a homebirth from the beginning, and overall my experience was excellent. I went into labor at 42+1, labored primarily in the water, and was dealing with normal contractions very well (ok, with lots of swearing, but still). Around hour 34 and 8cms the pain suddenly switched from normal labor to SOMETHING IS WRONG. I tried laboring for an hour with that, thinking it was transition. At the end of this hour I was able to reach in and feel something squishy. Unfortunately after an hour of the worst pain I could imagine, I hadn't progressed. Cue panic attack and a hospital transport. The hospital did nothing for me, despite my screaming (literally) for hours for an epidural. I wound up having a c-section, which by that point I was about asking for. When I finally held my very very healthy daughter, I discovered that the squishy bit was her forehead. 10 pound brow presentations don't come out.

The good: My c-section was necessary, and I know I did everything I could to get her out naturally. In a lot of ways, I feel like I had a "home c-section"

The bad: I'm afraid that it'll happen again, and that transition/pushing will feel similarly to the pain that sent me to the hospital. Does pushing/transition cause searing pain in the bones of your hips complete with feeling like you'll never ever walk again?

Overall I feel good about my first birth, even if I had a less than stellar outcome. I'm obsessing over spinningbabies exercises this time around, have the same midwife who says nothing changes as I'm a VBAC (my midwife was amazing, btw. At one point she managed to startle my asynclitic baby center, at which point the pain just STOPPED and I progressed nicely, if slowly). But I still feel like i need to process what happened at birth so I can go into this one with a "fresh slate," so to speak. The more I remember, the more my understanding of my birth changes. Like, previously I was annoyed with myself that I spent so much time just sitting in the water. Last night I remembered just how much of that time in the water (30 hours) I was changing positions constantly, trying every thing to get her out. It was instinctual. I never thought "I need to be on hands and knees" or "let's try lying on my side" but I cycled through every position in the water over and over again. Accordingly, I now feel even better about my "performance" in labor, and more confident this one will go well. But, I'm still working through this.

I just pray this baby a) makes it to birth and b) comes out at home, easily.

[kcparker]

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your internal landscape, some neurochemical, some emotional, some cognitive. I would recommend untangling all these threads as they relate to homebirthing. Try to separate out what you can change and what you just have to sit with (but maybe you can just tell those thoughts to go sit in their own little compartment for awhile), process the last two births and set aside what you can, then focus on what you want to have happen this time around. This might mean some sessions with a therapist, doing a mindfulness-based meditation training program and sticking with it daily, journaling, praying, or other psycho-emotional treatment modalities (like the aforementioned EFT). Assemble a team of people who you really trust, do your homework with the childbirth ed. class (Bradley is good for getting husbands prepped to be great labor partners). Work on your thought patterns as much as you can, and that includes both using positive affirmations and letting go/setting aside of any sort of precise expectations (good or terrible) for how this birth will go.

If you are dealing with lots of fear and anxiety, does it help to confront it all? what is rational (what will happen if I get exhausted during labor and the baby is not here yet? What if I risk out due to high blood pressure? What if the homebirth midwife can't make it and her back-up comes instead?), and can you make a plan for it so you know what you will do if it does come to pass? What is irrational (I am worried that an asteroid hitting the house while I'm in labor), and can you just say that is out of your hands, so no point in worrying? Talk to your husband, midwife, support people so they all know what you are dealing with and can help you through it at the end of the pregnancy.

Is it the setting, or just the denouement of the pregnancy that is causing you anxiety? It occurs to me that another thing you can do is play a mental game with yourself -- what if you imagine planning the birth to be at the hospital? How does that make you feel? I am not saying you should abandon plans for a homebirth, but by doing the mental exercise of saying, 'what if I were to decide to do this at the hospital, what would it be like?' it might uncover some things that will shift your feelings about the homebirth, kick some stuff loose.