Originally Posted by naturallyspeaking
I would like to hear from other moms who have handful of good friends who will come to you for help when you are sick, who will listen to you when you need to pour out your heart, etc... How did you make friends?
I have a couple of very good friends who I know would go the end of the earth for me. I also have some really sweet casual friends and
acquaintances who I suspect would lend me a hand if I asked and it wasn't something too difficult, just because they are nice people would help out any body.
There is a lot more to friendship than having someone take care of you when you can't handle things on your own. Your question is a bit like someone who can't figure out how to make conversation with a date over dinner asking how to get someone to marry them. You are jumping WAY ahead of yourself!
Friendship is mostly about enjoying another person's company. People like to be friends with others who are happy, who they can relax around, who laugh at the same things they do.
The way I see it, there are 3 levels of friendship:
1. Acquaintance -- people you see over and over, your know each other's names and have friendly chats when you bump into each other, but may or may not have their phone numbers. You don't go out of your way to see each other. (your kids are in the same activity and you talk during it, for example)
2. Casual friends -- these people have moved up a notch. You have each other's numbers and make plans to do mellow things together. These are people who might make a plan to meet up with at story time at the library and then go on picnic with the kids together. You don't bare your soul to them, you just keep it light.
3. Good friend. -- Most of us aren't going to have more than one or two of these at a time. They are people you've known awhile a trust. You care about them a lot, and you know that they care about you. Much of your interactions may be just like casual friends, but with a deeper level of openess and knowing that if the sh*t hit the fan, you'd be there for each other.
back to you specific situation -- yes, you could opt to invite people. ask for their number, call them. Plan get togethers, see what happens. Making new friends is a bit like fishing. sometimes you catch something, sometimes you don't. Don't get to wrapped up in finding your new best friend to bare your soul to. Just have some fun. think about the friendship levels and how the people in your circle fit in.
Are there people you see but don't talk to that you could turn into "acquaintances"? That's an easy level. It's mostly remembering their name, saying hi, and asking how they are doing.
Do you have some acquaintances that you could grow into casual friends? The step is to say something like "I love it when we have a chance to talk. Do you want to get together at the park/ beach/zoo/ whatever so we can talk more?" or "You have the sweetest kids. My kids enjoy playing with them so much. Do you want to blah blah blah" When you figure out a pick up line that works for you, you can use it over and over.
Eventually, one of your casual friends will gradually grow into a really close friend. There's no reason to rush this. It's much better to base a friendship in FUN than on need. It's also good to know some one for awhile, to find out what kind of person they really are before deciding to trust them.
As far as talking to people but being quiet, it's actually a virtue. Most people LOVE to talk. You just get them started, ask an occasional question, and they'll be happy as a calm and think of you as a great listener. Rather than trying to think of something to say, think of questions to ask. There are books about it.
In the mean time, have a pizza delivered if you need food, and find a therapist if you need someone to talk to. I'm not being snarky when I say that. If your primary energy when you meet people is one of NEED, then emotionally healthy people won't be attracked to you.
I learned about the levels of friendship from a therapist. He said that if I had 5 acquaintances, 3 casual friends, and one close friend, that my life would probably seem full of people to me, that that was about the max. number most people can really keep up with anyway.