How can I help my 4.5yo get rid of his nighttime diaper?

[petitchou]

Ds1 is 4.5 and still wears a diaper at night.  PLing has been a long process.  He still sometimes has daytime accidents when he is too engrossed in whatever he is doing to take time to go to the bathroom but it is getting progressively better.  we tried going diaperless at nighttime about 4-5 months ago when he showed interest but it didn't work - he would go to bed around 7/7:30 and by 10:30 when I would check on him on my way to bed, everything would be soaked and he would still be sound asleep.  I just figured he wasn't ready and we went back to diapers for awhile. I myself wet the bed until I was 7 (my parents actually bought one of those alarm things that hooks to your underwear - it was the only thing that worked!).

He is now asking to not wear a diaper at night again.  The problem is, he is still wetting himself and not waking up in the middle of the night.  Besides an early cutoff for liquids, I'm not sure what else I can do to help him.  The only thing I can think of is waking him up to go to the bathroom throughout the night - which seems like a very exhausting idea considering I am still nursing ds2 at night and am 12 weeks pregnant. 

How can I help him through this?  He wants to wake up dry so bad and I'm just not sure what to do!

[Xerxella]

This is tough.  Since, you had bladder control issues as a young child, it very well could be genetic.  Perhaps, he just doesn't have the muscles yet to control this.  This must be hard on DS.  He wants it, he just doesn't have the ability yet.  Have you spoken to a doc?  I don't know if there's anything they can do, but advise you to wait, but just a thought.  Did you like the alarm thing your parents bought?  Was it effective or embarassing?  Maybe you could try that also?  Also, if he's wet within 3 hours of going to bed, you would have to wake him up every 2 hours?  I don't think that would be a viable option for anyone. 

Sorry, I don't think I've been very helpful. 

[Peony]

An alarm really isn't a great idea for a 4.5y, they are meant for older nightwetting children who have the ability to get up and take themselves to the bathroom as soon as it goes off but just lack the bladder muscles or capacity to actually make it through the night. A 4y still to have no night time control is really quite normal. I also have a 4.5y who desperately wants to be dry at night but can't. After age 5, the % of children who stop night time wetting is something like 15% every year, so most really do just grow out of it as they get older. Boys have more of an issue, and there is a strong family component as well. 

At this point I'd treat it like an emotional issue instead of a physical one, meaning it is still normal that he needs a diaper so what will help him feel better about it. Maybe he does really want you to wake him up (and believe me I know what you are talking about when you say exhausting for you! I've never presented it as an option to my DD2 because, um, I'm tired enough already. DD2 is getting closer to 5 and she goes through periods where she is fine with having to wear a diaper at night, and other time not being ok with it. We talk about it a lot, name things that maybe she can do that other children can't, she understands it isn't her fault that she can't stay dry at night now which I think really helped. And she really enjoyed picking out different diapers to wear at night, we switched to the Underjams kind for older kids. 

[LynnS6]

Yeah, I think this is probably more of an issue of helping him understand that his body simply isn't ready to be dry at night, and that you'll work toward that together as he gets older. Does he know that you wet the bed until you were 7? That might help him a lot. What I would do is tell him that you'll give going diaper-free a trial run every few months (maybe 2-3 times a year). If he stays dry, great. If not, you'll know his body still isn't ready. In our family, kids have been ready to be protection free anywhere from age 2 to age 12. for the oldest child, the alarms did not help until the child was much older. At 6-7, they slept right through them.

[Daffodil]

What works for my 5 year old (I've been doing it for a couple of years now) is to take him to the bathroom to pee about an hour after he falls asleep.  I don't wake him up; I just carry him in there and stand him in front of the toilet and then carry him back, and he stays pretty much asleep through the whole thing.  I find if I do that, he'll normally stay dry through the rest of the night.  So you wouldn't necessarily have to get him up repeatedly during the night - it might be enough to take him to pee once during the time when you're normally still awake.

[NicaG]

My six-year-old ds has never been dry at night, not even once.  When I took him to the pediatrician for his annual check up, the doctor told me that this is still within the range of normal, especially if there is a family history of bedwetting.  He went to great lengths to reassure my son that there was nothing wrong with needing a pull-up at night and his body will learn when it's ready.  He told me that if it's still a problem around 8-9 years old, then it might be time to see a specialist.  In the meantime, limit fluids after 6pm and try to wake him up to use the toilet when dh and I are going to bed.  He felt that alarms could be useful but that the child needs to be very motivated to work on the issue in order for the alarm to work. Good luck.

[mumkimum]

I can echo a lot of what pp's have already said.

My dd is almost 5, and we do nighttime undies most nights still.  But when she really wants to be dry in the morning I've found that 2-3 nights of getting her out of bed 1-2 hours after she fell asleep to go to the bathroom is enough of a jumpstart for her - and we'll end up with several weeks of being mostly dry in the morning until some kind of change in our schedule.