Originally Posted by robynholly
I completely agree that a parent should be allowed to be with their child. My FIL is a dentist. He does not allow parents to be there. I questioned this because I want to be with my DS when he goes. He said, "It is almost always worse when parents are there." My FIL and I do not have the best relationship and we completely disagree with my parenting choices. I think he may let my DH back with my child. Should I suck it up and wait in the waiting room even though I want to be there with my son? Being with my DH is better than him being alone right?
You really don't have to (shouldn't, even) put your FIL's feelings or preferences over your child. If he can't handle you being in the room with DS, then get another dentist. For real. If he has a problem with it, too bad. My kid comes first, waaaaay before some cranky uptight FIL.
While I can possibly imagine a case here or there where a child might be better off with mom in the waiting room (I'm thinking of highly anxious, hypochondriac type moms for the most part), most kids are better off with a parent with them. My DH and my MIL each had abusive dentists, so I know it's a fact that some dentists just do whatever makes their job as easy as possible without regard for the children, and then blame the children when the children come out crying. DH's childhood dentist would yell at him to shut up and take it like a man (to a 4 year old), and then would tell MIL that "it didn't hurt at all, he's making it up" and unfortunately MIL, who had an abusive dentist herself thought it was normal and had to be that way. As an adult, DH avoids dentists, so that experience had lifelong effects.
In my opinion, a dentist who finds it's almost always worse with a parent present is a lousy dentist. What they really mean is that they have no idea how to handle a child, and it's worse with a parent around because they can't do what they normally do to deal with it - whatever that might be (yelling at the kid, having their assistant hold them down screaming while they work, whatever).
We have actually witnessed such behavior from a dentist WHILE DH AND I WERE IN THE ROOM. After 5 minutes of this (way too long, but we froze up) DH stopped the procedure, had words with the dentist, and we left.
THANKFULLY, after trying 4 different dentists for DD, we have a GREAT one. She expects parents to come in the room, and it all goes really well. She's a mom herself. What makes visits go wrong, in our experience, is a lousy dentist - not parents in the room.