I don't typically post but really felt compelled right now. A few weeks ago, we were at my IL's which is 8hrs away (so we usually only go there about twice a year as MIL and I don't exactly get along well). I went to take a shower and left my 16 month old son with my DH and the five other adults that were at the house. I heard some crying while in the shower but figured my son was crying because someone he didn't recognize got too close. I got out and heard MIL on the phone saying "he didn't loose consciousness". Needless to say, I went into a panic and threw the door open in my towel and started asking what happened. My BIL told me that my son had fallen down the basement stairs. My DH came over holding my son, who was wailing, and said he was so sorry. I screamed at him saying something along the lines of "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WEREN'T YOU WATCHING HIM?!" he was pretty upset. The basement stairs at the house are hardwood and the landing is CEMENT and my son had just hit his head. I literally felt sick and was really struggling to not start bawling. I could see a black and blue lump forming right on his forehead. My MIL assured me he seemed normal and I shouldn't worry. She's a LPN in a ped's office so she sent us there and we had him examined and they determined that he was indeed fine. No permanent damage, he would just look pretty beat up. Well that calmed me a little and by this time, my son was smiling and sucking his thumb. But now we're home and the bruises have faded but I feel like I keep reliving it. I just keep picturing him tumbling down those stairs (and I didn't even see it happen). I just cannot relax. Now I'm always anxious when he's playing, no matter what he's doing. I just have this fear that something terrible is going to happen. I've always been very nervous and protective of my son, but it's taken on a life of its own. Others have noticed. My DH has asked me to stop mentioning it because he also feels awful about it and realizes that we could've lost our son and it would've been his fault. I apologized to him for what I said when it first happened and assured him that it wasn't his fault, that accidents happen and we should just count ourselves lucky. He probably feels worse than he's letting on but refuses to talk about it. Honestly atleast one of those five adults should've been paying attention to my toddling 16 month old as he walked in the direction of the basement, but I know it does no good to place blame. I thank God that my son wasn't seriously hurt, but how do I get past this? I want to feel normal again.
Sorry for this long rant. I'd appreciate any kind of response- anyone with a similar issue? any advice?