Intense Anxiety after incident with son

[MommyofNRM]

I don't typically post but really felt compelled right now.  A few weeks ago, we were at my IL's which is 8hrs away (so we usually only go there about twice a year as MIL and I don't exactly get along well). I went to take a shower and left my 16 month old son with my DH and the five other adults that were at the house.  I heard some crying while in the shower but figured my son was crying because someone he didn't recognize got too close.  I got out and heard MIL on the phone saying "he didn't loose consciousness". Needless to say, I went into a panic and threw the door open in my towel and started asking what happened. My BIL told me that my son had fallen down the basement stairs. My DH came over holding my son, who was wailing, and said he was so sorry. I screamed at him saying something along the lines of  "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY WEREN'T YOU WATCHING HIM?!" he was pretty upset. The basement stairs at the house are hardwood and the landing is CEMENT and my son had just hit his head. I literally felt sick and was really struggling to not start bawling. I could see a black and blue lump forming right on his forehead. My MIL assured me he seemed normal and I shouldn't worry. She's a LPN in a ped's office so she sent us there and we had him examined and they determined that he was indeed fine. No permanent damage, he would just look pretty beat up. Well that calmed me a little and by this time, my son was smiling and sucking his thumb.  But now we're home and the bruises have faded but I feel like I keep reliving it. I just keep picturing him tumbling down those stairs (and I didn't even see it happen). I just cannot relax. Now I'm always anxious when he's playing, no matter what he's doing. I just have this fear that something terrible is going to happen. I've always been very nervous and protective of my son, but it's taken on a life of its own. Others have noticed. My DH has asked me to stop mentioning it because he also feels awful about it and realizes that we could've lost our son and it would've been his fault. I apologized to him for what I said when it first happened and assured him that it wasn't his fault, that accidents happen and we should just count ourselves lucky. He probably feels worse than he's letting on but refuses to talk about it. Honestly atleast one of those five adults should've been paying attention to my toddling 16 month old as he walked in the direction of the basement, but I know it does no good to place blame. I thank God that my son wasn't seriously hurt, but how do I get past this? I want to feel normal again. 

Sorry for this long rant. I'd appreciate any kind of response- anyone with a similar issue? any advice?

TIA! 

[Adaline'sMama]

My DD fell out of a shopping cart when she was 5 months old, and I was anxious for several weeks afterwards. I think it will pass, and it will be better the first time something does happen and you realize that he is okay. For me, it was when DD started crawling and she rammed her head into the wall. I got scared, but she cried for two or three minutes and then was right back at it.

[goldenwillow]

I am so sorry.  So glad he is ok. 

I can relate.

My kiddo (20 months at the time) rolled down some steep stairs at a friends house with my husband right behind him, watched the whole thing.  My LO reached for his hand and they missed and he launched.  We had been trying to get him to sit on his bum down stairs, but he always wanted someones hand.  He actually just rolled... not end over end, thankfully, rolled like a rug would if you rolled it down, KWIM?  I was outside grabbing our backpack from the car.   I was devastated.  I heard him crying from outside. 

I too, was angry at my husband, later apologized.  He re-lived it as well for a long time, he saw it all go down.  Mind you, my husband is a fantastic father and very quick to catch our kiddo in a predicament (when couch diving, etc...).  It really stinks but sometimes these things happen, we are not perfect.  I swear I have fake/phantom contractions when a fall happens.  Weird. 

I am not sure if you are into homeopathy, if you are, this may help when the panic/anxiety comes on.

http://www.bachflower.com/Rescue_Remedy.htm

Moving forward, never straight!

*** edited to add

Our LO now goes down stairs on his bum... every time.  Sometimes I think they have to learn the hard way, as much as I do not like it!!!

Edited by goldenwillow - 12/31/11 at 1:40pm

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

My DD fell out of a shopping cart when she was 5 months old, and I was anxious for several weeks afterwards. I think it will pass, and it will be better the first time something does happen and you realize that he is okay. For me, it was when DD started crawling and she rammed her head into the wall. I got scared, but she cried for two or three minutes and then was right back at it.

Oh my goodness... 

[MommyofNRM]

Thank you both so much for the replies! 

Falling out of a shopping cart has always been on my list of fears! Glad your dd wasn't hurt! How scary! 

goldenwillow- you're so right- we're not perfect. I'm always trying to be the perfect mother and I realize there's no such thing. I'm a good mother and that's the best I can be. Thank you for your recommendation also. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. 

[MoonStarFalling]

I felt the same way after watching my 2 year old DD be attacked by a large dog. I thought about it constantly for a few weeks and talked about it to friends for some time after that. Talking or writing about it helps. I like Bach rescue remedy too. I'm still very vigilant any time I see a dog. I will always remember a few bad accidents, including my DS falling down the stairs twice, my kids had and how scary it was. Thankfully they're ok. Kids are so resilient.

[seawitch]

My kids are accident prone. They fall down stairs, tumble into furniture, fall off playground equipment, you name it. It's not that I'm not watching them, it's just that they are SO active and have little sense of fear. (My son especially since he has SPD and doesn't feel "pain" like normal kids do.) I've had many a heart attack in their short lives. I think the worst was when we had a plate of boiling lava hot pizza dropped on DS and myself when he was an infant, and it burned us both. Just last week my daughter decided it would be fun to climb up a cement thingie on my mom's porch and plop down. I could have sworn she cracker her head, but no, she just got a goose egg. It's harrowing, really. Do the best you can and don't be too hard on yourself or your DH. Accidents DO happen, despite our best efforts...