So I have a 5 1/2 year old girl and a 21 month old boy. My 21 month old has been high need since he was a fetus! He has had very brief periods when he has been pretty content for a few days, but that is the exception, not the norm. I can't get ANYTHING done because he is always clinging to me screaming and crying. I swear he would rather scream to communicate than use the words he already knows. I have tried all of his life to embrace his personality and not label him. I have tried to entertain him and hold him and give him what he needs without spoiling him. I'm just burnt out and I just want him to be happy!!! I weaned him about a month ago because I couldn't take it anymore. I planned to nurse him until he was two but he refused to eat or drink anything and therefore wanted to be attatched to me every half an hour. It was that way at night too. By a miracle, and A LOT of sleepless nights and tiresome days I weaned him. Now he eats and drinks quite a bit, so I got over that hurdle (although he still asks to nurse on a daily basis but doesn't freak out anymore).
I just feel like such a crappy mom because I don't have the amount of time and energy required to give quality attention to my daughter. I just feel like I'm ruining her life and my son's because I just can't add anything extra to my plate sometimes.When he is leaving me alone then I have to drag myself to give my daughter attention and that breaks my heart. I'm a clean freak, but my house is a disaster. I'm somewhat of a "granola" mom, but I'm using whatever means possible to keep my kids out of my hair even if I wouldn't have done those things before. My husband helps out a lot when he gets home from work, but sometimes that isn't until late and he is so exhausted. And to make matters worse my boy will NOT go to sleep before 11! This has been going on for a couple months now. Do I stop letting him take naps even though that is the only time of day that I get peace from the screaming? He even wakes up at night and throws temper tantrums and I don't know why. And just to clarify,he is not autistic, there is nothing medically wrong with him. He can be so sweet and happy, but he has no middle ground with him. He's either sweet and happy or whining and screaming.
I know I need to take a break and have some time with my husband to re-group, but that hasn't been possible the last few months. I can't leave my boy with anybody besides Grandma because he absolutely flips out....and I've tried many times and just spend the whole time away from him feeling guilty. This week we are finally going to be able to go on a date so I'm happy about that. I also know that I need to work on my attitude of the situation. I wouldn't change my life for anything, I love my kids more than life itself. Don't you ever just feel like you don't have anything left to give? And usually that's when one of my kids hugs me out of the blue and it makes it worth it. I guess I just desperately needed to vent!
Any suggestions for how I keep him entertained so that I can spend some quality time with my daughter?