Changing Birth Plans

[Adaline'sMama]

When I first found out that I was pregnant this time, I wanted to UC. There are midwives where I live, but they are all over an hour a way, and they have shown up to people's houses literally minutes before the baby is born (because they are far, not because they aren't great midwives). Last time I had a hospital birth, and it wasnt too bad. The nurses drove me crazy for about an hour, and they had a really hard time getting a hep lock in, but other than that, it went okay. I mainly just wanted to be at home so that I dont have to stay in the hospital for 48 hours and so that I can have a birth pool

Well, my OB got the hospital policy changed when she found out that I was pregnant to allow me to have a birth pool in my hospital room (which is pretty freaking awesome of her, considering I hadnt even been to an appointment with her yet. She just remembered from last time). After we left the appointment, DH and I were talking and he let it out (he's always been super supportive of the idea of birthing at home) that he is a bit fearful of being so far away from the hospital (30 minutes). And he told me that he actually LIKED staying in the hospital last time, because he felt like he was in a special zone where real life couldnt interrupt him. Basically, he was forced to be in a room with us, and he liked it .

Id like to also say that when I gave birth to DD OB had JUST come on staff, so she has made a lot of changes in the last year and a half. This is a 52 bed,semi- rural hospital.

So, I told him Id make a pro/con list and we would make a decision in the next week or so. I thought I'd run that list by you guys to see if maybe you had and additions or comments. Just to be clear, it is pro/con of birthing at the hospital, as I already know all the pros of staying home.

Pros
DH not being nervous
My OB no longer shares "calls" with other doctors. Either she or her CNM will deliver the baby.
They will let me have a birth pool.
We wont have to lie to anyone.
Our parents get the excitement of waiting in the waiting room.
If I have to have an emergency section, I will be there already. (OB has a less than 10% section rate and they are almost all women who want one)
There have been 47 natural births at the hospital since I gave birth to DD (there are only 2-4 births per week at the hospital) so the nurses are more used to it than they were then.
There are 6 suites, and last time I was the only one on the whole floor.
They dont keep babies in the nursery, so baby will stay with me at all times.
They have an awesome LC on staff.
OB agreed that I can be monitored for 5 minutes once an hour.
Only one vaginal exam (upon arrival) unless I ask for more.
OB gave birth naturally to twins.
No hospital gown requirement.
No eyedrops, no problem.
OB has suggested I get a doula, so I know she is open to working with one.
I wont have to gather stuff for a homebirth.
The serve me veggie burgers and soymilk during my stay, so I know their food isnt gross.
I can turn off all the lights and have music.
I really do like the doctor.

Cons
DD cant stay overnight at the hospital with us.
I cant have candles.
Cant birth in the tub, only labor.
Cannot keep placenta (we snuck it out last time, but then it just rotted in our truck because we didnt want to ask family to transport it for us)
Cant eat during labor unless I sneak. (didnt want to last time, but still..)
Have to sleep on a down comforter on the floor for me, DH, and baby to co sleep. (but they let us)
All the chairs and couches are plasticky
I cant leave the room with the baby unless baby is on a rolly cart (in order to walk around to soothe baby I have to walk around in circles in my room)
Ill have to argue with another ped about shots.
There is no NICU at this hospital, so *if* something is wrong the baby will be airlifted in a helicopter.
The water at the hospital does not get very hot, so I would have to figure out how to make a birth pool warmer.
Things beep and make electronical noises.


If we UC, I will have to lie to our family. MIL is seriously the kind of person who would put up a huge fight and call an ambulance while I was in labor. This would make it hard to get someone to watch DD while I was in labor.


Additions? Comments? Have you changed your plan?

[Right of Passage]

Sounds like you want to birth at the hospital but not necessarily recover at the hospital. What about getting an early release? I was out of the hospital with my second 7 hours after the birth. No weird sleeping arrangements, then I got to go home and recover in my bed. You could talk about an early release prenatally, you can sign out AMA. It's all up to you.

[midnightmommy]

I curious how long your last labor was? An hour in the grand scheme of things may not be that long. I definitely don't think there is anything wrong with changing your minds.

[Right of Passage]

Another thought you can also labor at home and see how you feel, if it ends up a UC then ok, if not then ok. Nothing wrong with possibly planning for both.

[Adaline'sMama]

With DD, my water broke, but I didnt have contractions for about 6 hours. Once labor actually started, it lasted about 15 hours. I dont anticipate it being so long, as this is my second.


I do plan to labor somewhat at home, but I will have to have someone to watch DD, and my family lives an hour away, so we wont be able to tell them "Come pick DD up and take her to your house and then we will call you when we go to the hospital." They will just go to the hospital and wait. They arent going to come get her, drive an hour back to their house, and then turn around and drive an hour back to the hospital (which is what they would be thinking they would have to do. If they arent told that we are going to UC, they will just get worried at drive back to my house, which would be horrible. I think planning for both a uc and a hospital birth will be inherently disappointing for me. Preparing to birth at home by gathering all the stuff, getting everything set up, and then having to go to the hospital in the end would make me feel like I didnt get what I set out for. I know that is inherently a risk with any homebirth (or birth at all) but I dont think its fair to have my family wait at the hospital for me to intentionally not show up.
I dont WANT to birth at the hospital, Im thinking it might be a better idea. I want to birth at home underwater by candlelight and music with a super supportive family that I dont have to lie to. Im having a really hard time seeing how this would work out with family. If only my house had a waiting room.......(wood stove heat in Jan/Feb just doesnt provide many options for where people can be) I just wish I wasnt so far away from the hospital. I was against birthing at the hospital because I dont want the interventions, but my OB is being really relaxed about the interventions and I dont fear having the cut happy doc deliver my kid because my OB isnt sharing calls with him anymore.

I can leave the hospital whenever I want, but the law requires that baby stay for 48 hours and Im not leaving without the baby, so signing out early isnt an option.

[yippiehippie]

Holly - I'm in a similar situation. First, for you, I agree w/Rightof Passage, why not kind of plan for the hospital birth, but see how it goes and maybe end up delivering at home?

I am also going to be around 30 min from a hospital (we're moving to a small town) and further from any MWs. I actually just talked to a MW today who said it's probably not a good idea to use them as a backup b/c they're so far and I agree. We don't have anything like what your OB and hospital sound like, so the hospital is not an option for me. I think I'll "plan" on having a MW at the birth, but, if I decide not to call her, while in labor, it'll end up a UC! I am already doing a UP.

[yippiehippie]

OK, sorry, we wrote at the same time, lol! So it sounds like you have your "dream birth" in your head being at home, but having a hard time b/c the hospital/OB are so accomodating...that's what I'm getting anyway. 

I think you should do what you want, go with your gut and trust your instincts, that's the best way to have no regrets! Do you have a friend that could watch DD? Or someone you trust to be there for the birth to help w/her, or even take her. I feel blessed now that my MIL won't care about any of that, will just be happy to get DS all to herself for a while! (ours are about the same age and I, too, don't want mine there for the birth, so I totally get that!)

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by yippiehippie 

OK, sorry, we wrote at the same time, lol! So it sounds like you have your "dream birth" in your head being at home, but having a hard time b/c the hospital/OB are so accomodating...that's what I'm getting anyway. 

I think you should do what you want, go with your gut and trust your instincts, that's the best way to have no regrets! Do you have a friend that could watch DD? Or someone you trust to be there for the birth to help w/her, or even take her. I feel blessed now that my MIL won't care about any of that, will just be happy to get DS all to herself for a while! (ours are about the same age and I, too, don't want mine there for the birth, so I totally get that!)

This is exactly it. And, Im really bad about wanting everything to go my way when Ive planned it so thoroughly.


I have several friends, but I have no idea when Ill go into labor, and all of my friends who are available have kids too so it might be weird to call them in the middle of the night. I cant say that I have one person that I know *for sure* that they would come pick her up. Family would come though, they will have told their work that they have to take off work when I go into labor. My house is small and we have wood heat, so the other area of the house will be cold. I dont want dd in the other room because I think she would just be wanting to get to me the whole time. I feel like having her here while Im in hard labor would be really stressful.

Honestly, I know it sounds kind of harsh, but I really want someone to just take her and then bring her to me as soon as the baby is born. I really need to be focused on my body and birth, not on her, and she is demanding when it comes to attention.

Im sad that your hospital option sucks, but it makes the decision easier! If my hospital sucked then Id have a hands down UC no questions!

[yippiehippie]

That doesn't sound harsh, there's no way I want DS here for the labor, not even on the premises b/c of the same reason! But, yeah, I want him back afterward b/c that'll be a long time away from us. Our family that can get him will be about 45min away but totally willing to do whatever. 

Keep us posted! I guess there's no real reason to rush the decision, you got some time;) (but, I'm a planner too, so I know how it is!)

[hildare]

why couldn't you keep the placenta?  we did, even with a c-birth! 

also, if you put in your birth plan about no vaxxes, all you have to do is sign a release, i think.  i didn't argue with anybody about it during my hospital birth, for sure.  i would have been angry enough to remember that....

would they let you dim lights and use electric candles?  i think some of your cons you could re-work... don't know about the pros, though.

i'm a natural worrywart.  my risk factors are waaay different, and i am a nervous nelly, but i totally would not do a UC.  to me, the hospital sounds super nice, especially if you could labor at home until you were almost ready then pop in. 

also, could you not at the start of labor get your folks to come get your kid?  and tell them you don't want her to be bored at the hospital & that you don't know how long it would be?  would they seriously go right there with your child?  how is that helpful??.. do we have the same mother?  LOL.

and your doctor sounds AWESOME.

[Adaline'sMama]

hildare,
I dont know what they would do, but last time I was in labor, MIL showed up at my house to "see' me even after DH had specifically said dont come. We had to say ok, its time to go, and she was asking DH why I wasnt getting in the car and how we needed to go to the hospital. And we had told her over and over again that we were going to labor at home. He called her so that she would be prepared to not go to work the next day.

It was really just the Vitamin K they gave me a hard time about last time. And it was the ped that comes in to look, not the nurses. He told me that without the Vit K she might have a brain hemorrhage and die. I had researched it well, but a brand new mom hearing the words "baby will die" was enough to scare me into it. This time Im going to give oral drops, so I wont argue, Ill just say "No, you scared me into this last time, so I took precautions against you this time "

Im sure they would let me use electric candles, and then I just remembered that I think they will let you use sterno under scented wax to have the same "candle smell" affect. I dont know if I really need candles anyway. :sigh:

What other cons can I rework?
Something that DH likes about the hospital plan is that we did it last time, and he thinks it will be easier to repeat the same process than learn something new.

ETA:
Oh, and last time they told us that the placenta as "toxic waste" but the nurse found an empty five gallon bucket and let us sneak it out. Since we were going to plant it, we didnt put it in the fridge, we just put it in our truck bed until we drove home from the hospital. Then, we fogot about it for a few days and it had (im going to leave out the details) we became unable to open the container it was being store in.
Edited by Adaline'sMama - 7/14/11 at 1:14pm

[gossamerwindweb]

We UC last time, and we are in a rural area (our town is 5,000 people) but the hospital is like less than 1/2 mile from our house if there was an emergency. I can't stress how much safer that felt to us... IF there was a problem, we were RIGHT there.  The hospital doesn't normally deal with births, but they could call an ambulance/helicopter, etc. or deal with a hemorrhage, etc.  So I kind of understand where your husband is coming from.  And it sounds like you have a cool OB.  If we were 30 minutes away from a hospital we probably would labor at home and then go in, OR rent a hotel room near the hospital, OR go labor at MIL house who is near a hospital in a much larger city.  My MIL isn't nuts though and was totally supportive of our UC last time   It sounds to me like whatever you choose, you need to NOT tell MIL anything about anything when you are in labor.

[FrannieM]

I dont have a strong opinion either way, just a few thoughts :

(1) I like the sound of your OB.  She sounds proactively accomodating - a rare treat!

(2) Your DH is important too.

(3) I totally see the appeal of homebirth

but most importantly:
 

You dont have to decide things now.  And it is always ok to change your mind, just cuz you THOUGHT you had made a decision does not obligate you to stick to anything!

 

[hildare]

... still worried about your placenta.... we encapsulated and it was AWESOME.  the person who did it made little prints and stuff.. i think it's an experience everyone should have the possibility of having.. so:

there have been so many lawsuits that lots of hospitals have outlined that it is allowed in their official procedures.  could it have been one uninformed person who didn't think you should take it?  could you ask your ob about it?  placentas are MAGIC and they are YOURS!      this lady's facebook page is cool.. she has a waiver in there that you could put with a birth plan...

and yes.. you don't have to decide anything now!  for sure.  you never know, you might be one of those lucky mams who is walking around 3 cm dialated the last week or so and if everything looks awesome you can just labor at home and not get to the hospital to deliver.  oh darn! :)

eta: your MIL sounds annoying.  i hope she makes up for her over-helping in other ways.  (and was this the first grandchild?  could it have been that making her so hyped up?) 

and about the vit k.. did you have a very traumatic birth?  (sorry i can't remember.  my brain = not working) we don't do the K / in the birth plan not to/ unless something major weird has happened.  you can drink nettle (isn't it nettle?  told you brain isn't working) to up the K in your bloodstream.  lots of times too, the real reason they give the K is if the baby's getting circed, and there's a chance of lots of bleeding.  we put in the last birth plan something like we don't consent to any vaccines, eye ointment, or vitamin K, unless the birth has been particularly traumatic, in which case we would like the opportunity to discuss options with the administration of vitamin K.  Plus you sign a waiver as  you check in, i think....

and if you want candles while you're giving birth, mama, you should have them.  you do NEED them!

[NourishCreate]

Have one of your friends that has kids take her to play at their house?    Sounds honestly like your decision is really based on finding care for your DD w/o your family freakingout about homebirth.

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by FrannieM 

I>You dont have to decide things now.  ;And it is always ok to change your mind, just cuz you THOUGHT you had made a decision does not obligate you to stick to anything!

 

Thanks Frannie. I know nothing will ever be set in stone, but Im a planner. We are super busy, with a life full of unpredictable events and crazy people. It takes me making plans to not go crazy with anxiety. I envy those mamas who are like "Well, Im going to wait till we get closer to make any plans." Id love to be able to just not have to think about it this much.

Originally Posted by hildare 

... still worried about your placenta.... we encapsulated and it was AWESOME.  the person who did it made little prints and stuff.. i think it's an experience everyone should have the possibility of having.. so:

there have been so many lawsuits that lots of hospitals have outlined that it is allowed in their official procedures.  could it have been one uninformed person who didn't think you should take it?  could you ask your ob about it?  placentas are MAGIC and they are YOURS!      this lady's facebook page is cool.. she has a waiver in there that you could put with a birth plan...

and yes.. you don't have to decide anything now!  for sure.  you never know, you might be one of those lucky mams who is walking around 3 cm dialated the last week or so and if everything looks awesome you can just labor at home and not get to the hospital to deliver.  oh darn! :)

eta: your MIL sounds annoying.  i hope she makes up for her over-helping in other ways.  (and was this the first grandchild?  could it have been that making her so hyped up?) 

and about the vit k.. did you have a very traumatic birth?  (sorry i can't remember.  my brain = not working) we don't do the K / in the birth plan not to/ unless something major weird has happened.  you can drink nettle (isn't it nettle?  told you brain isn't working) to up the K in your bloodstream.  lots of times too, the real reason they give the K is if the baby's getting circed, and there's a chance of lots of bleeding.  we put in the last birth plan something like we don't consent to any vaccines, eye ointment, or vitamin K, unless the birth has been particularly traumatic, in which case we would like the opportunity to discuss options with the administration of vitamin K.  Plus you sign a waiver as  you check in, i think....

and if you want candles while you're giving birth, mama, you should have them.  you do NEED them!

Placenta: That sounds so cool. Im going to look to see if I can find anyone near here to do that, and if I can, we will be doing it for sure. Im sure if I had a reason like that , there is no way the hospital could keep me from taking it. The thing is, it wasnt even in my birth plan, I just asked if I could have it and they were all "umm, no."

Vit K: It was in my birth plan, but Im sure the ped probably took my birth plan to the bathroom with him. : He was a scary man, and he was mad at me because I visited him 3 weeks prior to birth to interview him and I basically told him that I didnt intend on using him as my ped because he was pro circ AND he wouldnt allow me to not vax. He knew at my birth that I was planning to see a ped that is about 35 miles away because she is "very liberal" (his words, not mine)

MIL: Oh my god you are so right. She STILL hasnt congratulated us on being pregnant. She thinks we are stealing DD's childhood away because we are going to have to share time between two kids. (Ill be she will be even more pissed when she finally believes us that we plan to have 2 more in the next 5 years.)