DD watches SO much TV lately. Finding Nemo every day. We have 50 episodes of Wonder Pets recorded and she's practically memorized them. She has an easel that we draw on, and a play kitchen, but her toys are getting stale to her, I think because we're inside all. the. time. plus I have to leave her to play on her own a lot to tend to DS or get him to fall asleep. DD has had quite a few meltdowns (in her defense, so have *I*) and it's just SO HARD and I feel like I can't get the hang of this mom-of-two gig. I feel like a failure.
Yes, I've let the housekeeping slide. A lot. And it drives me nuts because I am the one who has to cook, do laundry, etc and step over a huge mess, or move dirty dishes over to make room to cook. So that bit about letting standards take a back burner is hurting me, too.
We have no friends or family locally, no one who can take DD or play with her for a while. We've only been here one year and don't have a network of people yet. (Those we do know are older, single, no kids. etc...)
We live in a fairly small condo and have little to no backyard. We're working on tearing out a very old garden to put down a small patch of sod for DD to play, but the rest of the yard is on a slope, has thorny plants, and tons of bugs to boot. And it's been about 110* here with the heat index lately, so I don't feel like getting everyone outside and then have DS drenched in sweat in the Beco. (and me, too.)
Our condo community is built on a hill, so I don't feel safe getting DD a balance bike (although I think she'd love one) due to the slope of the roads. We have no sidewalks to walk on, no nearby parks that don't require packing up the car, and a really busy street we have to cross to get anywhere (with no crosswalks.)
Today my DD was wailing for me to draw on her easel (that is how she wants it...*I* draw and she colors over what I draw.) and she would. not. stop. and DS was frantically trying to fall asleep (and is in a lovely phase of only napping in the carrier during the day, but toddler wailing apparently keeps him awake... ) I was bouncing DS on the yoga ball with some music on, and DD just kept howling and I finally shut and locked the door to keep her out while he fell asleep. She was distraught to say the least and I felt awful.
When DS fell asleep I came out and took her hand and said let's go draw on your easel together. She told me she was upset. So I told her that can happen sometimes and it will go away and she'll feel better soon. Of course she was wailing about something ELSE 15 minutes later.
I've been pressuring DH to ask his boss if he can work from home 2 days//week, and he hasn't yet. I feel bad for pushing him because I know he thinks it will make him look bad at work, like he is slacking or something. Obviously, we both know that when he works from home he will get very little actual career-related work done.
I'm having oversupply issues and let down issues with DS nursing, and he just had a tongue tie clipped, so nursing is not 100% great right now, so I do try to really sit down with him and focus, rather than nurse while playing with DD or something. He cries a lot, I think from gas and nursing related stuff.
Help. Oh, help. I am drowning. And SO sore from wearing DS. And beating myself up for being a crappy mom right now. I feel like I've been posting all over MDC lately trying to feel better and figure things out, but I am just not doing well at all.