If you circ'ed your first and not your second... - Page 2

[valsblondies]

I have 3 sons 11, 4,2 - I circ'd my oldest son because I was unaware of any other way. I am at peace with that. For DS 2, I was adamant I did not want to circ but DH felt the opposite. Like your hiusband, he wanted ds2 to look like himself and ds1. Although I knew it was wrong, I finally agreed to circ to make peace and have always felt sick about that. There is a difference when you are ignorant vs intentionally allowing your child to be hurt. For ds3, I was ready for a batte with dh that I was not going to back down from no matter what. Instead, he immediately agreed to not circ-ing when I brought it up. He had met more people who werent circ-ing and realized it wasnt neccessary. Which made me realize had I stood my ground with DS2, he would have eventually been ok with it.

DS1 is much older and I explained to him what circ was and that it was wrong and that when he was born I didnt know any better.  He accepted that, no hard feeings.  I think its a lesson in being flexible to change in life and learning from the past.  DS2 who is constantly naked with DS3- whether it be bathing, running around my house naked all day, etc has never noticed a difference. Maybe he thinks its just different than his, just like Daddys and DS1's are different than his. So not an issue in this house.

[gini1313]

I have a circed 8 year old and an intact 1 year old.  I stressed and had so much angst about it (starting when I was pregnant with #2, who was a girl), but the 8 year old has never noticed anything at all. 

I have planned on telling him that when he was born, we thought it was really important so we had it done, but when his brother was born, we had realized that it wasn't important and we didn't want to do something that wasn't necessary to do.  That seems like a simplification to some people here, but really, to us, it is the truth.  I am not rabidly anti circ and I don't feel like I did something terrible to my first son.  I feel like I did something unnecessary, and it did hurt him (although I probably won't mention that unless he asks), and I didn't want to hurt my second son in the same way for something I realized wasn't necessary.

Please tell your dh not to worry.  My 8 year old hasn't ever said anything.  He has friends who are circed and friends who are intact and hasn't ever mentioned a difference there, either.  It really has been a non issue.

[APToddlerMama]

Originally Posted by bugmenot 

I apologize for the harshness of my wording. Believe it or not, but that logic of altering a previous son to match an expected child has swayed more than a few people to keeping their child intact. We're all different in some way, including twins. Two twins may look alike, but they probably will develop different personalities over time. One may like a steak dinner, while the other may be vegan.

I found this link on another thread in this forum: www.CircumcisionDecisionMaker.com
Here is a link that you may find interesting, based on your first son: http://circumcisiondecisionmaker.com/decide/infant-circumcision/cultural-and-family-reasons/brother/

FWI, I did play around with the links, and not all of them result in "Circumcision Not Recommended".

Thank you bugmenot.  I appreciate it. 

Also thank you valsblondies and gini1313.  It is really good to know it hasn't been an issue for those who have BTDT! 

[MarineWife]

I have 4 boys, 20, 7, 4 and a week and a half. The older 2 are circed. The younger 2 are not. Their dad is circed. I didn't want to get my 2nd son circed but left the decision up to my dh. I thought he'd make the right decision after all the talks we had and the info I gave him. Obviously, he did not and I didn't realize it until it was done. I am still very upset about that.

Anyway, as to the original question, the fact that my 2 middle boys are different has never been an issue. I think my 7yo may have asked once why they looked different. Honestly, I can't remember what I said but it was something very matter of fact and honest. I didn't make a big deal out of it one way or the other. I didn't say anyone made a mistake with him, either. I have to say that I think that's a bad idea with a young child.

They seem to be more impressed by and talk about how big daddy is compared to them rather than who is intact and who isn't. It's really not an issue.