WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! - Page 2

[Mizelenius]

Ha, ha, ha!!!!  I am not laughing at you, but laughing through my tears with you!  ALL of my children do this-- yes, even my 20 month old.  (HMM, guess where she picked that up ???) 

Lisa is totally right-- be ridiculous in a funny way, and that will make them think . . .and give you a chance to be creative!

Now thinking about it, my 9 y.o. no longer does this.  She is in the next stage.  I seriously think she is going to be a lawyer.  Instead of why, it's "but."  She is able to find a loophole in EVERYTHING.

[bellydance2290]

My 3 year old is really bad about asking why also.  I know she does it out of habit most of the time.  Sometimes I have more patience than others but I've been answering her once and sometimes having to end it with "it is what it is".  That will usually get it to stop.  Of course, she'll start a new why series 2 mins later but it gets me out of the one I'm in :) 

I agree about not discouraging the questions but sometimes it is just TOO MUCH!  After I've answered her once, I'll tell her why do you think?  or I just answered that, do you remember?  Sometimes I ask her if she understood my answer to be sure she really isn't confused.  It all just depends on the situation. 

I keep telling myself this is just a phase, but she's been in this phase for atleast 6 months, maybe longer!

[scottishmommy]

DD went through this phase and I just started ignoring her. She stopped within a week. Obviously I answer real questions, but when a young kid asks you why they are trying to argue with you or stall or both.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by scottishmommy 

DD went through this phase and I just started ignoring her. She stopped within a week. Obviously I answer real questions, but when a young kid asks you why they are trying to argue with you or stall or both.

Not necessarily. Our son genuinely wanted to know why 95% of the time. Ok, the other 5% was reflex, but that I could deal with. I strongly disagree that they ask why to argue at this age. Maybe a few kids, but most are either using why to converse with you (and they haven't got very many tools to do that at 3), or the really want to know. Ignoring cuts off connection or curiosity.

[petey44]

I don't know- when I read scottishmommy's reply about a week ago, I was like, yes!  I'll ignore the whys.  I figured someone would respond with the whole "don't ever ignore your kids" things, but quite honestly, the ignoring has worked well since I started it. 

Just to clarify: DD is almost 3.  She's been asking why more and more frequently, it started maybe 6 months ago.  She asks "why" about things that she legitimately doesn't know, and I do still answer those.  But most of her "why" questions are things she does know the answer to.  I think a lot of the reason for this is because she doesn't know other ways to carry on conversations, but I do think sometimes there's a contrary-ness to the "why." 

Anyway, I don't ignore HER.  And I don't think that that is what scottishmommy meant.  I ignore the "why."  So, for example, if she's like "Why is Grandpa in Denver?"- she knows the answer to this.  We've talked about it 500 times.  So I'll ignore the question and instead redirect her, for example, by asking, "What do you think Grandpa is doing right now in Denver?" 

I've only been doing this for about a week, like I said, but I feel like it's working by:

-reducing the number of why questions

-improving her conversational skills

-improving my frustration level with her, and hers with me

[galincognito]

Originally Posted by OkiMom 

My 4 year old does this and "whats after that" all day long. Her 2 year old sister has picked up on it. Ive started to loose it a little with them (lack of sleep can do that to you) so I started turning it back on them. Example:

Me: DD get your shoes on

DD: Why?

Me: Because we are leaving

DD: Why?

I stop it there because I know it just keeps going so I respond with "Why do you think we are leaving?"

The Whats after that thing is driving me even more nutty though. Its like she wants a run down of every little thing we are doing that day and doesn't like it if I don't tell her every little thing. Today she got upset because I changed the baby's diaper BEFORE breakfast instead of AFTER. Im thinking of making her a schedule chart so she can see what we are doing and in what order.

I keep telling myself that I rather she ask 100 questions then never ask 1. Some days I believe it

oh goodness gracious; this is our house too! i'm jokingly hoping that dd3 never starts talking so I don't get it from all three of them!
after having gone through the whole why conversation/cycle with the 4 year old, then the 2 year old does it over again! no wonder i'm losing my frickin' mind!
some things we've done include
- asking her why
- getting existential/philosophical
- replying in circles (ie. when will daddy be back? in 15 minutes. when is 15 minutes. when daddy gets back)
- responding with obviously silly answers (for when she's asking why out of habit/reflex) (ie. where's the milk? on the moon.)

a lot of days it drives me bonkers; I don't want to discourage her curiosity but i'm rapidly losing patience with this scenario. it will e interesting to see what happens when she starts school in September!

[scottishmommy]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

Originally Posted by scottishmommy 

DD went through this phase and I just started ignoring her. She stopped within a week. Obviously I answer real questions, but when a young kid asks you why they are trying to argue with you or stall or both.

Not necessarily. Our son genuinely wanted to know why 95% of the time. Ok, the other 5% was reflex, but that I could deal with. I strongly disagree that they ask why to argue at this age. Maybe a few kids, but most are either using why to converse with you (and they haven't got very many tools to do that at 3), or the really want to know. Ignoring cuts off connection or curiosity.

Just to clarify, I only ignore why's when they are clearly intended for contrary purposes. This usually involves asking DD to do something she doesn't want to do, but is part of out everyday routine, like brushing teeth, or sitting down for dinner. And generally I dont actually ignore her, but rather pretend I didnt hear her and change the subject. If she was truly curious about something, I'd answer, but most of the time she's just stalling.