Pregnancy after loss - Page 3

[zubeldia]

oh Baconlover, I hope you get some answers fast. keep us posted... 

[sagewinna]

After being totally zen about this pregnancy, I am having some anxiety today. I am almost 6 weeks, both my losses were 6-6.5 weeks (though I didn't miscarry them until 9-10 weeks).  I'm trying to stay in the moment. I want this baby to live, it's hard knowing s/he might pass away in the next week or so and I won't know it until August 4th (8 week appt/ultrasound).

[biffer]

So sorry to see you go Bacon. 

I had a similar mc but at 5.5 weeks and they also saw no physical proof that I was ever pregnant they just monitored my HCG to make sure it went back down to nothing to rule out that they didn't miss an odd implantation site/ectopic. 

[BaconLover]

Quick Update:  Looks like I've have a 'complete' mc, my hgc when I was having the horrible cramps was 40, progesterone 0.4.  And I've decided that while I love my Dr, I am not fond of the nurse practitioner.

I'll do another bloodwork today to confirm its going down to zero again.  I have a list of questions for my Dr when she calls me.  And I'm thinking about acupuncture, seeing a different specialist, etc.  And maybe taking a few months off to lose some weight, paint my house, etc.

Meh.  I wish you ladies the best of luck, and thank you all so much for the support you've shown me.  It really means a lot to me.

Thanks,

Bacon

[lilkat]

Thanks so much for the update; I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you got some answers. Best of luck in your journey!

[KristaDJ]

Tentatively sticking my head in here.

I'm due March 25th. Don't really feel like I fit anywhere else.

[ChiaraRose]

Originally Posted by sagewinna 

After being totally zen about this pregnancy, I am having some anxiety today. I am almost 6 weeks, both my losses were 6-6.5 weeks (though I didn't miscarry them until 9-10 weeks).  I'm trying to stay in the moment. I want this baby to live, it's hard knowing s/he might pass away in the next week or so and I won't know it until August 4th (8 week appt/ultrasound).

I feel the same way. I was so positive in the beginning, but now I only have these negative feelings left. It sucks. I called my OB on Friday to make an appointment and I threw up afterwards. I felt like I killed my baby. Even though there is no correlation in between having an ultrasound and an ob appointment and miscarrying. One doesn't cause the other, but it felt like it. Total stress reaction from my last few visits there, I guess. I want this baby so very much!

[ChiaraRose]

Congratulations and welcome, Krista!!!!

[Milk8shake]

Congrats Krista.  I guess us poor old PAL'ers don't really get to "fit" anywhere.

[cappuccinosmom]

Welcome Krista.  Hoping for a sticky baby for you this time!

[cappuccinosmom]

I am sick to the point of uselessness, which would be a good sign for most.  But a history of molar pregnancy makes that just another possible thing going wrong. sigh.

I wish the insurance company would get it together and send us our stuff so that I can see someone.

[sagewinna]

Cappuccinosmom, I hope the sick feeling means something good.

Krista, welcome!

Does anyone else feel kind of like a fraud being here? I keep thinking I shouldn't post outside of this thread because I won't get to stay.

[sagewinna]

Loose stools this morning and spotting. :( We'll see, but I'm not feeling hopeful.

[Brisen]

I'm sorry and sending good thoughts to everyone who is having a difficult time.  The early weeks are difficult, for sure.

I have been hesitant to post here, because I've had two children born since my last loss, but I still find that this pregnancy is stirring up sadness and fear from my miscarriages.  I miscarried twins between my second and third children -- I was about ten weeks along, but the babies looked more like they were 8 weeks.  Not sure if it was a missed miscarriage or my dates were off.  After my third was born, I thought that the miscarriage I had was due to the fact that it was a twin pregnancy, and it wasn't likely that I would miscarry again.  But before my fourth was born, I lost four pregnancies in a year.  The first was at about 10 weeks, and then three chemical pregnancies.  I was doing a bit of charting, and I thought my progesterone was probably low because my luteal phase was short, running between 5 and 9 days.  I started taking vitex after the last loss, conceived without having an actual cycle, and went on to carry to term.  I took vitex with the next pregnancy as well, and carried to term again.  I'm taking vitex now, and I'm telling myself that it's pretty likely that the same thing will happen again, it will all work out well.  

I've started to freak out about it a couple of times, wondering what I was thinking, just carrying on and making plans for March as though I'm guaranteed to stay pregnant until then.  The year I spent getting pregnant and then miscarrying was terrible (obviously) and I'm worried about how I'll manage to care for my kids if I end up miscarrying and going back to how I felt then.  It was difficult to cope; I never wanted to go out and do anything, etc.  I felt like, because I was having a difficult time caring for my kids, I didn't deserve to have any more and that's why I kept losing them.  So I try not to think about it too much, and just move on from it if I start speculating.

I also seem to have run into more talk about twins so far with this pregnancy; I've noticed that a couple of the women on here have lost twins.  That's another thing I've kind of put aside and not thought about much, and it ended up being overshadowed by my other losses.  But I've been thinking about that pregnancy more and more lately, and I can't stop wondering if I'm carrying twins again.  I feel kind of silly focusing on it, since the odds are this is a singleton pregnancy.  I guess I'm realizing how much I healed from the hurt of my losses by going on to have a full term pregnancy, but I feel like I'm not really getting closure or whatever for my twin loss because I'm not carrying twins to term.  If that makes sense.  

[KristaDJ]

Sagewinna, I totally feel like a fraud too :-( Like this is a place for women expecting a baby In March and I'm really not expecting a baby at all. There is no way I'm posting anywhere but this thread; I'd probably end up being snarky if I tried to. I'll just stay in my little bubble here and not read anything else. I really can't relate to women who've not had a loss in any way at all.
I just saw your post about the spotting and loose stools on the PAL board :-( I really hope everything is okay mama. I'm not feeling good about my pg today either and it totally sucks. (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) :*(

[WaitingForKiddos]

Popping in.....pretending I'm Zen!


I had a loss at 20 weeks 7-12-09. Then got pregnant with DS in Oct-09. I had a nice normal pregnancy other than a scary SCH that was resolved by 15 weeks. This past Feb I was brought to my knees by pain in the grocery store .... turned out I had an etopic pregnancy that ruptured. I lost my right tube. It was a weird loss because I had no idea I was pregnant. Because we knew we wanted more kiddos we got started TTC after I was healed from the tube removal. I figured now having one tube we'd be less successful early on. Well, I got my BFP on Friday! Looks like I'm about 12 DPO right now but I'm feeling that this is a March baby....assuming he/she sticks around.


Our dates are kinda interesting...or maybe I'm just looking for good omens:

Amelia, born 7-12-09
William, born one year, one week, and 2 hours after his sister
Ectopic conceived when Amelia was.
New kiddo conceived 7-12-11 (when I O'd)



About PAL. It sucks. My pregnancy with William was the most intense 10 months of my life. There were times I was praying for God to just take him early so that  I wouldnt have to deliver another dead baby. Times I was sure he was going to birth a dead baby no matter how far I got into the pregnancy. Then times where I had a peace that everything was fine. Having one 'good' pregnancy under my belt seems to help me.....right this second at least. I know I can carry to term. I know I can have a live baby. Gosh...March is just soooooooooooooooooooo far away!



Healthy, happy and boring 9 months to all of us!!!

[Milk8shake]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom 

I am sick to the point of uselessness, which would be a good sign for most.  But a history of molar pregnancy makes that just another possible thing going wrong. sigh.

I wish the insurance company would get it together and send us our stuff so that I can see someone.

I cannot fathom how frustrating the medical system is over there.  I really feel sorry for you all. 

I really hope you can get some answers, and maybe some medication soon.
 

Originally Posted by sagewinna 

Does anyone else feel kind of like a fraud being here? I keep thinking I shouldn't post outside of this thread because I won't get to stay.

Yep.  I do.  Everytime I post outside this thread.  But dammit, I'm determined that I'm going to do it anyway. 

Like Krista said.  I have to be very careful what I say outside the thread, because my attitude is VERY different to most here, because of my history.  Also, it's possible that I am the most un-crunchy mama on MDC.  Sometime I think I have to tiptoe around that also.  I would dearly, dearly love to have a breezy, no intervention kind of pregnancy, but that's not my reality, and it's not my fault.  I know it will sound maybe a little *preachy*, but I hope that if nothing else, some of my past experiences can be of help or comfort to the mamas here who will end up losing their bubs, think they might, or already have. 

Oh, if I can confess one other thing that bothers me big time, is the "don't tell until 2nd trimester".  I completely understand why people do it, and it probably works for many, but just because (2 of my 3) bubs didn't make it out of first tri, doesn't mean that they didn't exist.  I think it is harder for people (friends, family) to connect with your pain if they didn't even know it existed.  So, I'm not keeping it a secret this time round.  Whether things go well or not, we'll need all the help and support we can get.
 

Originally Posted by Brisen 

I also seem to have run into more talk about twins so far with this pregnancy; I've noticed that a couple of the women on here have lost twins.  That's another thing I've kind of put aside and not thought about much, and it ended up being overshadowed by my other losses.  But I've been thinking about that pregnancy more and more lately, and I can't stop wondering if I'm carrying twins again.  I feel kind of silly focusing on it, since the odds are this is a singleton pregnancy.  I guess I'm realizing how much I healed from the hurt of my losses by going on to have a full term pregnancy, but I feel like I'm not really getting closure or whatever for my twin loss because I'm not carrying twins to term.  If that makes sense.  

Sounds like you have a complicated history.  VERY complicated.  I'm so sorry for your losses.  I guess sometimes different times, or trials remind us of different things.  I think it makes sense that your twins are on your mind again, and I hope you have the chance to carry twins to term, if that's what you think will help you.

Originally Posted by KristaDJ 

Sagewinna, I totally feel like a fraud too :-( Like this is a place for women expecting a baby In March and I'm really not expecting a baby at all. There is no way I'm posting anywhere but this thread; I'd probably end up being snarky if I tried to. I'll just stay in my little bubble here and not read anything else. I really can't relate to women who've not had a loss in any way at all.

LOL - as I said to Sagewinna.  I'm having to be pretty careful outside this thread, so I don't upset anyone. 

As long as we have some company, we'll be okay. 

WFK - welcome.  I remember your story from the P&BL boards.  I wish you a H&H 9 months.

AFM: Well, I had panic stations over the weekend, with some here and there spotting.  Had a scan yesterday.  Bubs is doing okay.  Dates are bang on, 6w4d, and heartbeat was 117.  Pretty happy with that info.   They found two bleeding pockets, both are quite small, 1-2mm.  It's not great news, but it's better than I thought, because I have had bleeds with every pregnancy, but each time they have been significantly larger than bubs, who is a whopping 7.7mm at this point!

I am trialling a bit of a different medication protocol this time round, vaso dialators, and aspirin to thin the blood. 

There isn't really any scientific basis to it, because there is precious little research on my condition, but the small amount that there is, suggests issues with blood flow to the uterus, and I have to wonder if there is a correlation between the sub chorionic haematomas, and the blood flow issue.  Even my doc isn't completely convinced, I think she is humouring me. 
 

Anyway, I just have to hang out another week until my big scan @ the hospital, and my appt with the maternal fetal medicine specialist. 

[cameragirl]

@Milk8Shake - Oh man can it be frustrating to deal with medical drama. We need to fix what is broken before we add more regulations, but the politicians don't seem to get that. I've been waiting for 8 weeks for my records to get transferred from the hospital to my OB and perinatologist. I need that consult to get any treatment for my muscle spasms, and I can't really function without treatment. What really stinks is the medicine is safe - they just want to cover their butts.

This is still feeling surreal to me. I totally have symptoms and had to dig out my maternity clothes, but it just doesn't feel "real" yet. I think my family is more excited for us than we are, and that's a little sad. I think I'll feel better after the first trimester - physically and mentally. I have my intake appointment/first prenatal this week, and I am kind of hoping they'll do another quick scan.

[KristaDJ]

WFK: welcome and congratulations!!

Milk8shake: My last baby had subchorionic hematomas too..... hmmmmm

[chels_c2000]

I am going to join you guys. I feel a out of place everywhere. I lost my first baby at 9 weeks and have since had two healthy babies. With my Son, I had lots of scaries at the beginning and my daughter's pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I guess, I feel that since I have only had one loss and healthy babies afterwards that I don't fit in here. But I am scared and  no one understands except those who have lost a baby. I want to feel fine telling everyone and being excited about this pregnancy. If/When something goes wrong, I don't want to deal with it with everyone just those close to me.  Anyway, thanks in advance for the support.

Any way, I went to the Dr this morning just for a quick check up and they did a pregnancy test. I almost losted it on the way home thinking about how the line on the pregnancy test was not dark enough. Why do I have to be so crazy? I get betas done tomorrow so we will see.