Planning Home Insemination but Need Advice!

[nicholeraine]

I have one son who was conceived naturally in a past relationship, but as I love being a single mother I am planning this home insemination to give my son a sibling. I am getting to know a few donors in my area in preparation for TTC in October or November. The two I'm considering are both around an hour's drive away from me. 

I guess, as I've never done this before, I'm not ENTIRELY sure how it works. I know what I want to do, which is get the sample fresh and inseminate right away by inserting it in an instead cup and leaving it in for 12 hours(will probably try to have an orgasm or two within that time). But, my question is, do most women have the donor come to them and meet somewhere close to the home to get the sample, or do they drive to the donor's home and pick up the sample?

Also, if anyone else has used free local sperm donors, what protocol do you follow before TTC? Do you get to know them through phone/email? Do you meet them a couple times before you TTC? Or is the first time you meet the day you get the first sample? I emailed various donors and narrowed it down to the two, and I've asked all the important questions. One has provided me with his doctor's papers showing good health and the other is prepared to when we meet. 

I guess I just want to get everything right and have the perfect chance to add to my family. I'm charting already to find out when I ovulate each month, and won't be TTC until at LEAST October so I have plenty of time to prepare...

[Alenushka]

I hope it works out for you

[prettyisa]

Hey Nicholeraine--congrats on starting the planning stages! I've never used a KD, but I think the experience is different for everyone, depending on their situation. Going to pick it up from the donor's house seems the most common, but there have been stories about all kinds of setups happening. If it were me, I'd definitely want to meet them in person at least once to make sure that it's someone you feel you can trust (and that you like his looks in person, since you have the opportunity). Come on over to Queer Conceptions--there are plenty of folks over there who are using KDs who can talk you through all of the different aspects (including the legal hoops) of using fresh sperm. Good luck!

[RStelle]

We used a good friend as a donor, but he lived 5 hours away, so when my partner ovulated she would just drop everything and go meet him. He was living with his mom while his house was being built, so we ended up renting a hotel room. He would come to the hotel, and we would just wait outside while he did his thing, which only seemed to take him like 30 seconds, then he would leave and we would inseminate. Than later when I got pregnant we just went to his house instead. It's good to get it into you as quickly as possible. It was kind of funny & awkward the first time we tried! We had no idea what we were doing, so we just googled it. I'm sure it would be different if the donor wasn't someone you knew, though. Are you getting legal protection? I would recommend getting a lawyer to draw up a donor agreement for you so it is clear that he has no legal rights. 

[carmen358]

We also used a KD but he would stop by our place luckily! So we were able to insem at home right away when he left.

Do you have a legal contract? I know they do not hold up in court if really challenged but they do show intent and can also make things very clear between you and your donor in terms of the future. Things often change once a child actually arrives so make sure you have everything well defined and keep in mind what your child may want down the road too!

Good luck! :)

[jennp85]

Since my plans have changed from KD1 to preparing for a sperm bank to KD2, I've been doing a lot of research!  You get the extra legal challenges because you're single (same here).  Some states, like Illinois, have pretty much made it impossible for a father to give up parental rights when there isn't a second parent to adopt the child.  Speaking with a lawyer is a good idea.  Also, I'd recommend "A Donor Insemination Guide" by Mohler and Frazer, and "The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians" by Pepper.  Today, I found this link http://www.2momslaw.com/donor.pdf and will be using it and the sample in the Ultimate Guide to write up an agreement with KD.

Good luck!