Depression with Psychosis or possible Bipolar.

[tireesix]

I haven't posted in an age but I am looking for help amd you guys have been great in the past.

Bfore I go any further, I want to assure you that I whave not and will not directly harm my kids/husband but obviously, my behaviour does have an affect and I feel guilty enough about that already, so please, no flaming. I am seeing a clinical Psychologist on Wedsnesday, trying to get a GP appointment ASAP on Monday (hes been n holiday but he knows me best so it HAS to be him I see). I am being referred to the clinical psychiatric team for a proper evaluation and I have a 24 hour helpline number as I am linked in with the local Mental Health Crisis team.

I have been suffering from symptoms for years, highs, lows, self harm, suicide attempts, substance abuse, damaging behaviours etc.

Well, this week I was admitted to hospital for my second over dose in a fortnight. My liver function tests are abnormal and we are waiting to see what happens.

This has been going on a long time and for some reason, things were aways put down to depression although I always thought it was more than that. Turns out the Psychiatrists  saw before I was discharged on Wednesday agree. I was sent out the hospital with a letter that said my new diagnosis is depression wtih psychosis. While I was in the hospital they kept saying I was just going through a bad moment, I said 17/18 years is a pretty long moment' and then, I open letter on way home and get a shock with the psychosis bit (really, its not surprising, I do lose touch with reality but seeing it there in black and wite freaked me out.

I was advised by friends to try a bipolar quiz online and I have done a number of them and they have all come back as being high chance of bipolar, I don't know how reliable these ests are but if anyone knows of any others that I can take with me to appoinments I would be grateful.

Thing is, I have been sent home with no medication and just a crisis line to call when I feel bad BUT sometimes everything changes so quickly I wouldn't have a chance in hell of calling someone but we will wait and see how things go.

According to what I have been reading about psychotic episodes, I have been having them on and off since aged 12 (I am 30 now), so why is it I haven't been treated properly, just handed antidepressants that make me worse????

I don't know why I am writing all this, I just feel scared and alone and would really appreciate links  with more advice about depression with psychosis and bipolar if at all possible.

Many thanks in advance,

Katie.

[darling_deedee]

Hey there,

I don't have any links for you but I just want you to know you're not alone.

I'm bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I see stuff and have a hard time judging between whats real and what isn't. I'm fortunate to have a great psychiatrist (pdoc) and all my symptoms are well controlled on medication. I had to go through a number of pdoc's til I found one whom I could relate to. I hope you're able to find one, too.

My best suggestion and piece of advice is to be really real with them. That's worked for me. There's lots of msg boards online for ppl with bipolar, people with depression, people with psychosis. This one is helpful for me... there's lots of other subcommunities, too. I don't msg there a lot but I read tons of the posts and take away the knowledge that I'm in no way alone in this.

You may have to harass your GP to get you in with a pdoc that meets your needs. Don't be afraid to.

All the best,

-Dee

[tireesix]

OK, I had a crappy evaluation last week and diagnosed as Borderline personality but the symptoms don't fit properly. Bipolar definitely fits better.

Spoke to a different psychologist this week and he says there might be 2 things going on at the same time. After thinking about it, I realised that both illnesses miss a couple of things, add both together and you do have a (im)perfect me.

I was put on Quetiapine last week and it seems to have chilled me out a bit (taken the edge off really).

Except for last weeks psychiatrist who evaluated me at home with husband, stranger and 2 year old daughter present, the Psychologists I have met have been really good to me, super good and they do seem to listen, do seem to be concerned and have gone out of their way for me.

I WISH that the stupid crisis team had let me stay in the psych unit because its been difficult living with me to say the least.

Also, DH has no family, all gone or somewhere, I don't talk to my mums side due to past issues (she has mental ealth issues as well and was in and uot of our lives and decided I wouldn't let my kids get hurt by her again (she was also horrid about about my DH). And, while I was in hospital, I cut off contact with my dad, he also says horrible things about DH (DH is not a 'BAD' person, due to his own health problems and medication, he can't work and my parents look down on him for it), I simply had enough, told him a whole load of crap that should have been said years ago (was said years ago in fact, no one bothered to hear me though), so I am currently grieving too and just all over the place about all of that. Its a difficult time.

(For all those who think I should reconcile, some of what went down involved my brother who sexually abused me, I told my parents what he had done 4 years after the fact, they told me not to tell anyone, then he does it to another member of the fsmily over a number of years and it needn't have happened had they dealt with it earlier. As far as I care, thats MORE than enough reason not to talk to any of them without the other stuff thrown in as well).

Thank you for replying Dee!!!!!! Due to having Fibromyalgia (I also have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and PCOS lol), I have had to search high and low for an understanding GP and finally found one so the GP bit is fine and it looks like I lucked out on the Psychologists as well!!!!!!!