7 month old fights sleep! Need support.

[LesJB47]

Hey mamas-

I'm a long time lurker on these boards, first time poster.  Hoping to get some insight, or at least some support regarding the sleep situation in our house!  This is super long, so sorry about that:)

My 7 plus month old baby boy, Jackson has never been a great sleeper.  When he was very young he was "colicky" which ended up being multiple food intolerances that I've since dealt with using an elimination diet (he is allergic to dairy/soy).  After dealing with that (around 3 months) he started sleeping longer stretches (up to 8-9 hours!  Bliss!).  Then enter in the "4 month sleep regression".  Pretty much since then, except for very intermittent good nights he is up almost every hour!  So basically it has been over 3 months since I've gotten anything more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.  Needless to say, I'm exhausted.  I feel like I've tried a ton of things, none of which have really gotten me anywhere!  

-I've read the No Cry Sleep Solution and have a set bed time (7pm or a little earlier) and solid routine (Dad wears down on a neighborhood walk, then Mom gives bath, sings while massaging and changing into pj's, reads 2 bedtime stories, nurses and rocks to sleep with white noise playing).  

-I've become a slave to naps to the point where I try not to run errands/leave the house if naps haven't been great b/c he'll fall asleep for little cat naps in the car, which further derail all napping efforts.  He may go 20-45 mins independently for a nap in the crib, but then will wake and I either sit and rock/nurse him for the remainder of the nap or take a walk in the stroller to encourage more sleep.  This is hit or miss in terms of if it actually works.  Many days...like today, his total nap time is only about an hour.  Sometimes we can nap together and it is better, however I've found that better daytime sleep does not translate into better nighttime sleep.  

-Co-sleeping does not make much of a difference in the duration of sleep.  We started out using a combo of the Arms Reach cosleeper and in bed with us, which was okay when Jackson was a smaller, more stationary, little baby.  We transitioned him to the crib (for part of the night) at about 5 months, but sometimes he is so restless I have no choice but to share a bed but now, he is so active, I really can't sleep with him.   He kicks my stomach, pulls my hair, pokes my face...you name it!  DH has taken up residence in the guest room b/c at least I have all of the bed and can get a little more shut eye.  I also use a pacifier to help inch away once Jackson has fallen asleep so I can get more comfortable myself.  Crib or bed...night waking frequency is about the same, I just don't have to physically get up for the latter, so it usually ends up being what I fall back on.  And also-in terms of nursing...Jackson really only eats 1-2 times/night, the rest is comfort sucking.  I am really envious of all the mamas that can co sleep and actually sleep!

-DH has tried going to him if he wakes in the crib.  He can successfully get him down, but duration of sleep is the same.  

So now, in addition to poor naps and waking a ton at night, Jackson has started fighting sleep.  He will squirm, wiggle, cry out, refuse nursing, etc...  Most nights and naps I end up just holding him while he cries.  Sometimes I have to hold him very tight b/c it seems like he is determined to keep himself awake by wiggling around.  There was a brief time when DH and I could have some time at night, but now we just take turns going to Jackson while the other one does chores, catches a program, whatever it may be.  We are just like ships passing in the night.  It is awful.  My marriage is suffering.  I've also taken up lying to the countless friends and family members that pry about how he is sleeping.  

Also, my patience is starting to wear more thin.  I used to be a never ending well of soothing comfort and love, but with this new sleep fighting thing, I've found that I've had to actually place Jackson down in the crib and walk away to clear my head twice this week.  I think the lack of sleep is adding up and taking its toll on me.  I'm starting to doubt my parenting abilities.  I'm starting to feel like I should try CIO, which I KNOW is wrong and don't want to do!  I just feel so desperate right now.  I know my daytime parenting is suffering.  I simply don't have the energy to be the kind of mom I want to be!  

What breaks my heart is I can see just how tired little Jackson is.  He gets so glazed over sometimes and gets little bags under his eyes.  I feel like this sleep stuff is taking away from his play and exploration time b/c he is cranky and clingy a lot.   

Sorry this is so long, but I could use the advice!  I feel like I've been realistic in my expectations of sleep/infant needs and really would just like a teeny bit more sleep...or at least spend more of the night in the crib so I can sleep more soundly for the amount of time I do get.  Thanks in advance:)

[Devaskyla]

It sounds a lot like my oldest. At nearly 10, he still hates to sleep. When he was a baby, he had huge bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. I did end up trying CIO for naps around 10 months in a desperate attempt to get the poor kid some sleep. It was a huge failure and resulted in a much clingier kid.

I found the only thing that worked with him was to restrain him in some fashion. He'd quite often fall asleep while stuck in the high chair for meals. For several very long months, I pushed him in the stroller in our living room to get him to sleep. One hour of pushing eventually resulted in 1 hour of sleep. If I was very lucky, it might even be a bit longer than that. Before the stroller, I would spend ages pacing through the living room, kitchen, hall & back wearing him to get him to sleep. When he was around 1, I had enough of the stroller and started lying down with him for naps. I'd have to hold him (& he'd fight & cry about it) until he finally realized he was tired, when he'd be willing to nurse to sleep. At this point, I was so tired I quite often fell asleep with him for the naps. It really helped me not be so sleep deprived.

Really, we just had to live through it. He did eventually grow out of waking up so much at night. By 3 he was sleeping 11+ hours straight at night (he dropped his last nap around 2 yrs). Even by 18 mths or so he was "only" waking up every 3 hours or so.

[scrandall1173]

Sounds like what we are going through. I think it's developmental-- they wake up to practice what they are working on and getting ready to do. My daughter has only stayed up a couple times tho-- those times I have had to rock her for awhile and sometimes sing too.

I remember something similar with dd1-- who was formula fed btw. Once she began to crawl and I moved her to her crib it got better-- not bc of the move to crib but bc she was crawling.

Right now I'm gonna try moving DD to crib and trying to get in one walk a day-- some folks swear that that fresh air helps.

For my marriage I'm going to hire a sitter to watch our eldest on the occasional afternoon so that we can have some quiet time in which maybe DD will nap. Even if she doesn't, we can watch a movie with her up.

I'm saying lots of prayers too!!! I will add you to them! This is such a hard time!

Hang in there. It does pass.

[LesJB47]

Thanks for the support.  

Just in the nick of time my parents came to visit b/c I had jury duty.  They ended up not needing me as a juror and I had milk defrosted, so my parents ended up waking up with the babe for one night to allow me some sleep.  I got 6 1/2 hours and it was GREAT.  I also got 2 solid naps in as well.

I feel like I have a fresh outlook and can start to look at some of the NCSS techniques that I'd like to revisit or try for the first time.  One of the hardest things is getting my husband and I on the same page.  He fluctuates in between "just let him cry" and going to him immediately for comfort.  I am trying to engage him more in talking about our nighttime parenting styles so that whatever we decide is best for our family is OUR idea, not just mine.  Us being at odds with each other does not help at 3am when baby is up for the 6th time...

Hopefully I will post again in a few weeks with some progress to report!