Co sleeping, what a miracle worker!

[Zoee]

Hi everyone! 

So I just joined, and I'm 8 months late! Maybe even more, my daughter is 8 months old now and I just don't know where time has gone or how it all happened! Well, a little about my girl: she would not sleep without being in my arms, or very close to me. As a newborn she got no more than 10 or sometimes 12 hours per day! Her doc said as long as she's gaining weight, growing and developing and isn't fussy/cranky then we have nothing to worry about. But you can all imagine how it is with a newborn who doesn't sleep! 

I had bought an arms reach co-sleeper to have her next to our bed and the poor baby would not sleep in that thing, eventually I moved her into our bed and my husband moved to the couch (his excuse: I work hard all day, I need my sleep). I don't blame him though, he does need his sleep. 

Long story short: I thought I was co sleeping just by having our baby in bed with me, she would be on one side and me on the other as far away from her as possible to reduce any chance of me rolling on her (I'm a first time mom, bear with me!) and although she slept better but she would wake up with a cry several times a night. 

And now, just 2 weeks ago, I must say I think I have discovered what co sleeping actually is. One night she rolled and slept right next to me, and whenever she did wake up during the night, it was without a cry, she just tried to find the breast, fed for a couple of minutes and dozed off. I can't believe how we missed out on this for the past 8 months!! She sleeps so much better now! And even though prior to having the baby I moved a lot in my sleep, now I don't move at all! It's just unbelievable! I love it!

The only downside to this whole thing is that my husband now sleeps in the guest room : (  (This is another story!) 

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself, I'm Zoe : ) and my daughter is Zara and just wanted to say what a wonderful thing co sleeping is! 

[scrandall1173]

Hi Zoe,

I am happy to read your post.  My six month old daughter is waking at night every hour on most nights!  This morning I woke up from one of my 45 minute nap sessions just wanting to jump out the window (at least then I would get some rest at the hospital, right?  Lol). 

My daughter sleeps in a co-sleeper, and I've been thinking about moving her to the bed.  We did this with DD1.  We just put our queen mattress on the floor with a twin next to it (where my hubby slept-- even tho it was literally next to the queen bed, he complained he was on an "island" by himself...ha ha).  But with DD1 I still felt pretty tired, but maybe bc she was formula fed-- so the co-sleeping didn't work the same magic that it did for you?  I'm nursing DD2, so maybe it will work better.

I'm just so scared about rolling over onto her.  or her rolling off the bed.  or wasting time trying it when really she needs to be in the crib where DH and I can't wake her with all of our night noises (she definately wakes more right now when DH is in the room).

Ugh.  There's so much to think about! 

Would you say that you feel well rested? 

How close does she sleep to you all night?  How do you know she will have breathing room?

Thanks for your help!

Steph

[Ellen Blosser]

Hi!  I'm new to the idea of co-sleeping and dont do it fully yet.  My son is 13 months old and wakes every two hours or so at night.  When I'm tired of waking so much and getting him from his room/crib, I just bring him to bed and let him sleep in between us.  He does sleep better when he is next to me, but I constantly struggle with the idea of doing it fully or not.  My husband and I want to keep our marriage number 1 in this family and I feel like co-sleeping makes it hard to keep our bed sacred.  Does this make sense?  I'm also new to Attachment Parenting (which I love) and I'm wondering how to combine the co-sleeping and mommy/daddy space in the bed??!?!?!?!?  Any insights?

[WeekendIsland]

Hi all, 

I've got a 3.5 week old and she's been bed sharing, at least partially through the night, since she was a week old. I just brought her in one night to settle her and nodded off myself. The next day I was terrified about what could have happened, so I read lots on co-sleeping and tried to make the bed safe in case it happened again. 

Now, she just sleeps nuzzled up next to me and like Zoee said, she fusses a little and finds my breast when she's hungry and we both nod off again.

Hubby still shares the bed (it's a king size) but he sleeps with a doona (duvet) folded around him so he can't roll over to our side. It is hard, not being able to cuddle with him or anything, but it's a trade off for the good sleep we're all getting...

I think when she's a bit older I'll try transitioning her back into the bassinet by our bed, but for now the system works. 

That said, I still feel a bit anxious about smothering her although after nearly a month of waking up through the night with a stiff arm and realising I've literally not moved an centimetre in hours, I feel a bit better about it.

[Zoee]

Hi Steph,

I hope you get your much needed sleep soon! It's amazing what we go through and how we do it. As a newborn, my daughter would simply not sleep. I did not want nor expected her to sleep through the night but I was expecting that she get the minimum number of hours per day and she didn't!  So I can totally relate with throwing oneself out of a window in the hopes of getting some rest at the hospital idea!

As she grew older, her sleeping patterns changed, although she still wouldn't get enough sleep even as a 4 month old, but at least she slept 4 hours in one go which to me at the time was the definition of heaven! Today at 8.5 months, she gets an average of 10-12 hours per night, where she will wake up every half hour to one hour the first couple of hours to feed for a few minutes and use the breast as a pacifier, then she gets 6-8 hours of solid sleep and her last few hours she will again wake up every hour or so to feed for a couple of minutes and then go back to sleep. It's been almost 2 months since she sleeps this way but every time she would wake up for feeding it would be with a cry, not a full blast of where in the world is my food kind, but something like a whimper. One night (about 2 weeks ago) while we're in bed together, she rolled until she stuck herself to me and since that night she has been sleeping that way and not waking up crying. Needless to say, I'm getting enough sleep myself. 

I was of course very concerned about rolling over her, but from what I've read and heard, even though we are asleep, we are partially aware of our surroundings. When you go to sleep knowing there's a baby in there with you, your body senses that and prevents you from rolling over the baby. Kind of like how we don't roll off the bed. This sense is impaired if the person is under the influence of alcohol/drugs and so of course co-sleeping should be avoided if under the influence. I also give her enough sleeping space for when/if she needs it. For us, 3 people (I know she's a little person, but still) is too many on a queen mattress so it's just me and her there. 

And about her rolling off the bed (which is much more likely), you'll be placing the mattress on the floor, and you can put some pillows on the floor next to the mattress so you got that area covered. I think this will be a much different experience for you since you're nursing. Co-sleeping goes amazing with nursing because you're not getting out of bed to prepare any formula, it's simple, it's fast and everybody gets more sleep. I'm not saying it will definitely work miracles for you, but it's worth a try. Also, I'm not saying that you will definitely never roll over her or touch her while sleeping, you know yourself and how you sleep, and you can tell with the experience you had with your first born. I know that prior to my baby being born, I moved more during sleep, my husband also says I talked a lot but that has stopped since her birth. Strange thing this body is, but wonderful too : )

I wish you the best of luck, I know there's so much to think about and I know you really really need better sleep, do know though that this is temporary, she will develop better sleeping habits and everyone will be so much happier very soon! Hang in there and let us know if you try it.   

All the best!

Zoe

[Zoee]

Originally Posted by Ellen Blosser 

Hi!  I'm new to the idea of co-sleeping and dont do it fully yet.  My son is 13 months old and wakes every two hours or so at night.  When I'm tired of waking so much and getting him from his room/crib, I just bring him to bed and let him sleep in between us.  He does sleep better when he is next to me, but I constantly struggle with the idea of doing it fully or not.  My husband and I want to keep our marriage number 1 in this family and I feel like co-sleeping makes it hard to keep our bed sacred.  Does this make sense?  I'm also new to Attachment Parenting (which I love) and I'm wondering how to combine the co-sleeping and mommy/daddy space in the bed??!?!?!?!?  Any insights?

Hi Ellen, I'm so with you on making marriage number 1, but unfortunately, no matter what I tried, we couldn't sleep all together and be happy! My baby did not sleep at all during the night so after spending a month up all night in the bedroom with her, we moved to the living room so at least I would be closer to kitchen, and have access to whatever I needed without waking my husband up. And around 4 months of age she started sleeping at nights although she would wake up many times to feed, we moved back to the bedroom and had her sleep in the co-sleeper right next to our bed. That did work and we slept that way a while until the baby out-grew the co-sleeper and I decided to move to a mattress on the floor with her in our bedroom. You could get your son's crib to your bedroom, snuggle with him in your bed, and then put him in his crib.  

Now the question of intimacy comes up and although many people have no issues with their children being in the room (asleep of course) I somehow don't feel comfortable at all and so we take it elsewhere! Is this inconvenient at times? Maybe, but it's a temporary situation. Nowadays my husband still complains that he doesn't get enough sleep, he's a very light sleeper and wakes up every time the baby wakes up to feed even though she makes no sound! So he's in the guest bedroom and me and baby snuggle all night long : ) Do I miss my husband with us, absolutely, but we spend weekends together and I keep thinking how temporary this situation is. For now, I feel my baby needs me more than I need my husband.

10 days after my daughter was born, some people came to visit us, among them a friend of my husband's and his wife. I didn't know her too well, but she questioned me about the baby's co-sleeper, she wanted to know what in the world was it doing in my room?! She said you have to put your baby in her room, starting today! Shut the door, and don't answer it if she cries. I was literally going . But I know everyone has their way of doing things. Everyone comes up with the solutions they feel is best for them. There is no one way that will work for everybody so do what you feel will be the best for all three of you. Try his crib in your room for a while and see if that makes a difference. I wish you all the best! Let us know how it goes!