night/naptime parenting sucks the joy out o parenting for me

[mikanmom]

I have co-slept with my kids since they were born,they are now almost 3(DD) in sept and DS- 5,

They have their own room together with their own single beds,

I usually end up falling asleep trying to get DD asleep,

I usually start the bedtime routine after dinner by 7 or 7:30 sometimes 8 if we're really behind schedule.

they take a bath, get jammies on, DD drinks milk, brush teeth, and then booktime,

and then I lay with DD in her bed and she usually won't stop "chatting" until 10 lastnight was 10:30 !! with multiple wake ups which then woke up DS and then

she was up at 6;30 am waking up DS and I who NEEDED more sleep!! 

sleeping in DD's bed often gives me a sore neck...

My wish is that I could get the kids to sleep by 8 or 8:30 at the latest! Then i would have time to study, do housework or relax more in the evening and then pick them up  earlier in the afternoon like 3 so we could go to the beach, park or library,

instead of staying at the library studying and feeling guilty for picking them up so late

During the day they go to daycare/preschool while I study/run errands/ housework on monday/wed/fridays and have class from 10 until 2:30 on tuesdays and thursdays,

I usually pick them up between 4:30 and 5pm

my feeling is that DD feels like she doesn't have enough time w/ me so she wants to keep talking and talking at night either to avoid or to connect w/ me.......but she's driving me crazy,

she gets her feelings hurt when I tell her not to talk

I'm feeling alot of guilt anger and frustration and then exhaustion,

any tips on a better routine w/ her?? or on how to cope,

I want to look forward to my time with my kids not dreading it due to nap and nighttime struggles

Edited by mikanmom - 7/16/11 at 6:45pm

[APToddlerMama]

So you don't say, but is your DD the younger one?  My son stopped napping shortly after he turned two.  Night/naptime battles were sucking the life and joy out of me too.  It took probably a solid month for him to adapt to no nap and it was a struggle to keep him awake in the 4-8 time frame but it was totally worth it.  Started sleeping better and much longer at bedtime.  No more hours long battles that had my blood pressure skyrocketing.  Would daycare be willing to cut her nap?

Also, it does sound like she is really missing you.  Any way for you to cut their hours at daycare a bit?  I know errands are much easier without kids, but sitting in the shopping cart talking to you might give her more of that mama time she needs so she can be quiet and go to sleep at night.  Good luck!

[zinemama]

It sounds like the current routine really isn't working for you. Up till 10:30 with a 5yo? That would suck the joy out of parenting for me, too!

I think 5 is old enough that you can sit down with her and talk about what your expectations are for night-time. That you'll read x number of stories, check on her x number of times, and the light will be out by x time. Make it very clear that you will lie down with her for a certain amount of time and no more - and stick with it.

[mikanmom]

APmama, not sure about not having DD  nap at daycare, she doesn't take that long of one no more than an 1 1/2 , they say she usually sleeps for an 1 hr. and never has a problem going down.....they just leave her alone and she falls asleep !?

but for me on the weekends she's a pill!!? I think she just doesn't want to miss something,

I know she's tired at night and at nap....... but can't seem to unwind, let go, and go to sleep.

ZineMama, my 5 year old is no problem, he's sleepy -he sleeps!

I spent over 2 hours trying to get DD to rest while DS was taking a nap, she screamed and threw fits, DS slept threw it all...finally I let her have quiet time in the walk in closet/book area in their room just so I could go cool down.

We live w/ my dad and he suggested that we take a walk on the beach, this evening 

getting out made the world of difference, We walked to the peir had ice cream and back which was about 2 miles using a beach stroller part of the way, it took forever but it wore her out, calmed us all down and i got some much needed exercise, dinner as a result was so good but with some planning I'm hoping to do this again, not the whole two miles but at least getting off my behind to take the kids for a walk at least.

DD was out at 9:00 not my dreamtime but a great improvement w/ minimum effort!!

I've had time to get online again and also do some homework too :)

I'm going to break out the crockpot and get dinner started in the morning so we can do a beach walk again tomorrow afternoon!

[mikanmom]

Tonight was another better than 10:30 night. I took the kids out all day today, and kept them busy and active all day long,

i had thrown dinner in the crockpot so it was pretty much ready by itself later,

somehow it took awhile to get everyone at the table and done w/ dinner....it was getting close to 8 pm by the time the kids were in the bedroom and in Jammies, cause we had to skype w/ daddy, they finally fell asleep at 9;00, about 15-20 min after turning out the light.

pretty good but I know DD willl wake up at 6:30 to nurse and then again a t 7:30 or so, and that's just not enough sleep for her since there was no nap today,

hopefully I can work bedtime down to 8:30 soon and then 8...

APmama,  I used to not take DD to the store w/ me because she would refuse to sit in the cart and throw huge fits, if i don't put her in she grabs everything and runs off out of sight....

I did take her to walmart recently and she did ok but they had really cool carts where DD and DS could sit next to each other on molded plastic rather than the hard metal regular kind,

maybe I should try again (she may have changed) and ask her about school while shopping

I do feel like I've turned over a new leaf this weekend (thanks to my dad's suggestions) and have vowed to get out more w/ the kids rather than just sitting at home thinking of all the stuff i should be getting done but can't, i know they are going to grow up and I'm really going to miss this time w/ them

[mikanmom]

I'm kind of copying Mamma 2 1's  idea of documenting her progression towards sleep.

*I found it's helping me deal w/ my frustration and keeping me solutions oriented rather than woe is me, life sucks thinking

Today was a full day of school and studying for me, but still wanted to pick up the kids early so I could try to wear them out so they'd fall asleep easier.

picked them up at 3:40 today, better than usual

got in the car and got stuck in traffic for awhile while running an errand,

fianlly got to the park and let them play until 6;30 pm.....then hurried home and tried cooking dinner but kids were allready hungry and throwing fits wanting to eat,

but there is no magic elf to cook dinner for them while i'm playing w/ them at the park (unforunately)

so thank god Grampa takes em outside for about 30 min while I throw some dinner together,

no time for a bath caus it's 8 by the time we're done w/ supper.....my dream of lights out at 8:30 slipping away

so I have them lay on a towel while I wipe them down w/ a soapy warm lavender washcloth..... hoping that this will help them unwind and relax

we read part of a really good story and lights out at 8:45ish, put on CD (ethnic Indian string music- supposed to be trance music, not techno trance though)

5 y/o DS falls asleep in 15min but DD doesn't fall asleep til 9:30 and at some point before then has to go potty again even though we allready went....somehow she managed to squeeze some out to prove she needed to go

it baffles me why she takes so long to unwind.....!?

anyway tomorrow I will try to have dinner pretty much worked out/prepped  very early before i pick up kids

I have a test on thursday so hope I can get enough studying done to pick them up early so I can wear them out

any good idea for ways to physically wear my kids out in hot/warm weather, indoor ideas? or other ?

[LadyCatherine185]

My DS1 takes a long time to fall asleep too. Getting him outside and letting him run around or ride his bike helps. If he naps, even for 20 minutes, his bedtime goes from 7-7:30 pm until 10 pm or later. We can't let him nap if we want him to go to bed at a decent time.

I think you are right, that your DD is craving time with you. I would find a way to work it in, and it sounds like you are picking them up earlier so that will hopefully help. Can you pick them up early and run errands with them? Let them help with chores around the house? Try to include them in the everyday tasks at home rather than doing it all while they are in daycare.. so you are getting things done while spending time with them as well

indoor wearing out ideas-- take them to a restaraunt or mall with a play area (our chikfila has a great one).. "dance party"... jumping jacks.. playing "chase" (or tag, etc)

[mikanmom]

LadyCatherine,

I almost took them to Chic Filet yesterday, I opted to fork out some bucks for the Kids fun place that has 4 different bouncy castles, Grampa promised to have Pizza on the table at 7 when we were to return.

It was then bath, book teeth and bed, but DD still didn't sleep til 9:30!!

Today was better, didn't get to pick them up as early but Grampa took them swimming at our neighbors pool and i guess he really wore them out so tonight it was 9:00   

I'm keeping Chic F in mind and dancing w/ music inside,not sure my 5 yearold would go for it, but he's not the one I need to wear out

I guess I need to start the whole routine earlier cause we always get delayed by bathtoom trip and a drink of water