Exciting update to an old playground drama/bullying saga, and summary of a new issue

[mammal_mama]

In a nutshell: nearly a year ago, I posted a whole lot here about a bullying situation that spiraled way out of control and culminated in my daughters and me taking a break from our (then) favorite neighborhood park for several months.

Many of you gave me a lot of good advice and someone even hooked me up to some excellent articles on bullying...at first it seemed like we were mastering the art of dealing with bullies, but, the truth was, I was just too close to the situation and not yet in a place where I could deal with bullies in a healthy way. I finally woke up to this fact when one of the bully-girls, for no apparent reason, suddenly let out a scream and went running after my older daughter, who was riding her bike, and acted as if she wanted to hurt my child.

I decided that we needed to quit that park cold-turkey. And we started enjoying our other neighborhood park, at which there was no such crazy behavior, and we surprised ourselves by coming to enjoy it as much or more than we had enjoyed our old favorite.

Then, a few weeks ago, we just decided to give the old playground a try, and, lo and behold, the bullies are gone! From what we heard, the family that had, like, four of the bullies in it has moved away, and it seems that the rest of them have dispersed. We've been back several times and it's been wonderful! The city has now installed a sprinkler park there and it's so much fun.

Now, at our neighborhood pool, we have encountered one of the girls from the old group a few times -- actually the one that had run after my dd. Tuesday before last, dd told me that this girl had just come up to her and accused her of hitting one of her friends. Dd just told her that, if she had, she didn't know it and she was sorry (the pool was really crowded because Tuesdays are free swim days so it certainly was possible that one body might have inadvertently bumped into another). The girl really glared at my dh (who was the one who was there with the girls that time), and then she just swam off.

Then last Tuesday, I was the one who took the girls, and at one point dd swam up and told me that she had been behind this same girl waiting for her turn on the slide when the girl suddenly caught her eye and stuck out her tongue...dd, of course, made no big deal about it and I just encouraged dd to go on ignoring her. Dd commented, as we were speaking, that it looked like the girl was leaving.

I actually feel pretty safe in this situation because there are lifeguards on duty who are very vigilant, and pretty prompt about making repetitive rule-breakers sit out for a while. I do think I need to go with dd if she needs to use the restroom, but, other than that, I'm thinking it's best just to not assume that there will be any problem, and to encourage my daughter to continue to just have fun and pay the girl no mind, so long as she is not physically touching her or making any sort of threat...and, of course I welcome everyone's advice and suggestions, if anyone has a thought about this.

[jessemoon]

It sounds like your daughter isn't too worried about it and that this little girl (the bullying) one is very unhappy and very unpleasant.  Stay close to your daughter and don't be afraid to involve the lifeguards.   If it comes to threats or physical harm, then you have to reevaluate, but dirty looks and sticking out of tongues can be ignored.  I'm glad your old park is back on your list of fun places to play.

[mammal_mama]

Thank you! I'm glad, too, and if dirty looks and tongue-thrusts are all that happens, we can handle that by just ignoring it.

I"m not wanting to assume that anything bad will happen just because the situation got so out-of-control last summer. The pool is a heck of a lot more fun than a playground is for most children who are 11 or so (the age of my dd and probably the age of this girl), so it seems like everyone can have a blast without feeling bored and needing to stir up drama.