I've done 5 births with no epi. My most recent I did with an epi.
My biggest fear is not pushing the baby out. That's the "easy" part. I also handle from 0cm to 7cm rather well.
It's after that - transition, when I feels so much like pushing and everyone is telling me not too. When I was 19 & having my first they told me do NOT push until they say because I could hemorrhage. Scary thing to hear. Hard as heck not to push when you so much feel like it.
But I've seen cases where providers told moms it was okay to push at 9cm if they felt that urge.
With #3 they told me I was 9cm with a little lip of cervix (bulging bag). I had seen other moms push at 9cm so when I felt the push, I didn't stop it. I let my body do it.
I felt baby go from "floating" to crowning in one contraction (they had said she was still not engaged when they broke my water at 9cm). She was born on the next contraction - no tears, very smooth delivery.
My #4 - I wasn't at 10cm. Dr wasn't there yet. They were trying to get me to wait for dr (he's only 5 minutes away). That's only like 2 contrx. I figured I could handle it. Then 3 strong ones in a row hit. My water broke and again baby moved right down to crowning.
#5 - things didn't happen quite as quickly when I got to the hospital. I was at 7cm. My contrx where pretty spaces out (5-7 min apart). I was glad. I used the opp to rest.
Next time dr checked me I was 8cm - I told him to leave my water alone. He didn't he broke it and of course, contrx got more intense and closer.
They asked me to let them check me. I didn't move - told them not yet.
Then when I felt pushing contrx I could not deny - again, I didn't try to stop it, just said "Pushing" and nurse and dr jumped up saying, "Wait, wait! Let us check."
Very quick check and they said okay go ahead and push.
For whatever reason I was so out of control during that delivery. I think baby may have been face up. I could not bring my knees up like I normally did before. I kept arching my back. I couldn't take deep breaths. She didn't crown on one contrx like rest. I was seriously about to yell, "Get this baby out" when I felt her head deliver.
But after feeling so out of control on that delivery and after hearing my dr say that my uterus is getting older and probably not as efficient as before, I lost confidence.
The thought of that transition period when they tell me not to push made me so anxious. Throughout my most recent pregnancy I tried practicing my breathing, doing positive visualizations and I always just felt fear and anxiety. Thus my decision to get an epi. I just did not feel in the right frame of mind to safely birth baby that time.
Even now as I think of this baby I'm having those feelings of anxiety surrounding delivery. It's not the contrx that scare me, it's not the actual delivery I worry about. It's that part right before that when my body starts saying to push and they say I'm not ready yet that scares me.
Sorry this is so long - my question is, is it really necessary for me to wait until 10 if I feel a strong pushy contraction? Or is it okay to let that happen once I hit 9cm?
I so much want to go without epi again, but I have this fear of transition. Is it a valid fear?
Or has my dr made me scared of something I don't need to be scared of.
I do feel "pressure" around 7-8 (and more intensity/pain but the pain I can handle). I feel most strong urge to push more around 9cm. For me 8-9 doesn't seem to take very long. I can usually breathe through 3-5 tough contrx from 8-9. Just want input on if I'm afraid of something I don't need to be afraid of - letting my body push at 9cm.
Thanks for reading this far. Your input is appreciated.