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Any working outside of the house mamas?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

Hi all, I was just wondering who is also working outside of the house? I am wondering how on earth I will cope with a toddler and a newborn whilst also workin. DH works almost full-time and is also a student. he'll be beginning a very intensive internship experience in January. We're from overseas so have no family support...

 

I am a professor and chair of an academic department and will likely get most of the spring semester off and will also have the summer. I am in a very fortunate position in that regard, but, eek, it's going to be one busy time. We're also building a house at the moment lol.gif

post #2 of 20

Yep, right here.  My DS is almost 5, so maybe the age spread will mean I have a helper around the house?  lol.gif  With him I was able to take 6 months off, but I'm doubtful that will happen again.  I am hoping to roll  from maternity leave to part time and then gradually back to full time, but I'll have to see what will fly.  

 

We're going to be doing a big real estate shuffle too.  Good times!

post #3 of 20
I am. We have 4 at home, Dad is a SAHD which he started in Jan. I took over the income so DH didn't have to travel 10m of the year. This is mega-surprise baby. We're trying to wrap our brains around it still. I have NO idea how to be a WOHM with a newborn!!! I'm very worried. I possibly can take 2-3m at home but I'm unsure still. Oy vey. wink1.gif
post #4 of 20

Me, too. I work full days M-Th and then stay home with DD on Fridays. DH works full time, and is in grad school, too, so he studies in the evenings and we barely see each other. I'm also just starting my doula business; I hope to finish my DONA certification before the baby comes. The silver lining for me is that my day job is VERY flexible. When DD was born I took 6 weeks off, and then worked 15-20 hours/week from home until she was 16 months, then two days a week in the office until just recently. I'm planning on doing something similar this time. And DH will be done with grad school next May, so hopefully things will get a little easier.

 

Glad I'm not the only crazy one! lol.gif

post #5 of 20

I work full time outside of the house. I usually get home around 6:00 every night. Right now, our 2.5 year old goes to my IL's house and my husband picks her up when he gets off (around 2:00). I have no idea what we're going to do when I go back to work. I can't imagine my ILs watching both kids. Maybe put the older one in preschool?

post #6 of 20

Ugh. Can I just complain that I already feel worthless at work? Pregnant-mush-brain has already set in, and I just can't focus. I feel bad for my co-workers greensad.gif That is all....

post #7 of 20

I resigned from my job last week, which has worked out well, because I have been so sick, but I am looking for a new one.  I hope to find something part time so I can balance work, rest and doctors appointments. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilkat View Post

Ugh. Can I just complain that I already feel worthless at work? Pregnant-mush-brain has already set in, and I just can't focus. I feel bad for my co-workers greensad.gif That is all...
 

I feel you!! I have this thing going on where I can't think of the "right word".  I'll be like " so I think we should go for a walk, and take the.... you know, animal... the furry thing.... the one with four legs and a tail...."  DP: "the dog?"  Me: YES!

 

lol.gif  There's something wrong with my brain....

post #8 of 20
Lilkat you totally made me laugh! So true. Useless brain and crazy, that is indeed exactly how I feel. Ha ha!
post #9 of 20
Thread Starter 

Oh lord, yes, this is me, too. This is not good when lecturing 25 pre-meds... Honestly, I have started already to feel useless. I went to a faculty meeting last week and I was so tuned out and indifferent, and felt terrible that I was surrounded by all these women who are about to go up for early promotion to full-Professor. Women who are very successful in academia tend to be childless (not the same for male academics, of course), and I am clearly making choices that put my career way on the back-burner. I feel so conflicted about it, though there isn't one part of me that would do anything different.. but, you know.

post #10 of 20

I'm a pubic school elementary teacher.  I will be lucky enough to take the rest of school year off and then have the summer months.  Babe will be nearly 6 months old before I have to go back to school!

post #11 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by zubeldia View Post

Oh lord, yes, this is me, too. This is not good when lecturing 25 pre-meds... Honestly, I have started already to feel useless. I went to a faculty meeting last week and I was so tuned out and indifferent, and felt terrible that I was surrounded by all these women who are about to go up for early promotion to full-Professor. Women who are very successful in academia tend to be childless (not the same for male academics, of course), and I am clearly making choices that put my career way on the back-burner. I feel so conflicted about it, though there isn't one part of me that would do anything different.. but, you know.


I'm a second-year doc student and hoping to be able to keep everything going. Baby due early April, comps late June! nut.gif

post #12 of 20

I don't know how you all do it.  I leave most of my sentences half finished because I cannot think of any words to finish them off with.  I told my husband that I traded my brain for a baby and I hope he doesn't expect any intelligent conversations any time soon. 

post #13 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by zubeldia View Post
Women who are very successful in academia tend to be childless (not the same for male academics, of course), and I am clearly making choices that put my career way on the back-burner. I feel so conflicted about it, though there isn't one part of me that would do anything different.. but, you know.

 

I remember someone told me about a Harvard study years ago that said the the number one thing that successful professional women regretted in life is not having children. It was something that kept getting put off because it was never convenient, then eventually they couldn't have them anymore. (Let's face it it is never really a convenient time to have a kid, especially if you are on a career track).

 

I am super type A and when I was pregnant with DD there was a massive organizational restructuring at my company, basically everything went to hell and half of the management quit or was fired. This left a lot of open spots and I was offered a director level position, it would have made my career (my friend took it and now makes twice what I make because she moved companies). At the time I was just coming out of my 1st trimester, and the job would have been so stressful not to mention tedious. I turned it down which basically ended my career there, I think you are all familiar that once a woman says no at a company, then she no longer perceived as able run with the boys, lots of articles on that out there too... Anyhow, I ended up getting poached from that company to work part time at a non-profit. It is the best thing that could have happened becasue I have flexible hours, and I work from wherever I want for 25 hours a week. My husband ended up going on sabbatical for a year and they let me work from Spain!!! SO you never know what is just around the corner, and when it is all said and done with YOU will be the "successful"" woman because you will have the family and the career. I say this worrying about how to tell work about the pregnancy mainly because I have been courting a new company that I wanted to go work for but it would be the same problem you guys are facing: no flexibility, it would be more like a real job. In the end you are better to have kids now because the more responsibility you get at work and the higher you climb, the harder it it to take time for a new family. This way you can do both at once, and then you can think more about what you are willing to give up on the way up. (this is all what I keep telling myself anyway...:-D)
 

 

post #14 of 20

By the way, my husband is a full professor in engineering (he was tenured before we had DD). He is really struggling with the transition too because he sees the other profs with families (ones who put family first) and they don't work as hard as he does, and he doesn't respect them. Says they are flaky, don't turn out enough students, that they don't publish enough etc, I always hold my tongue. He has no concept what so ever how to manage work and life, he travels constantly then feels like shit when he comes home and DD is doing something new that he missed. This was before coming to Spain, the Spanish do a much better job of balancing work and life and I am so happy that he finally has colleagues he respects, who successfully balance everything. Now we are going back to the US, I think it will be hard for him again, he travels about a week a month, then most of the summer so it is really rough. Engineering is pretty demanding because they are running a bunch of government contracts that have deadlines, and they are over committed.

post #15 of 20

Here is the article about saying no:

http://www.oprah.com/money/The-Truth-about-Saying-No-At-Work-How-to-Keep-Your-Job

 

Here is the harvard article:

http://www.getinsidehealth.com/PageFiles/1861/Executive%20Women%20and%20the%20Myth%20of%20Having%20It%20All.pdf

 

This section really relates to all of us, think about it the other way around?

 

nonchoice.jpg

 

These are both great reads, we have years for a career, and as long as you keep your foot in the door, I don't think having kids has to stop your career, just slow them down. 

post #16 of 20

sonitaw - thanks for posting. Just that little snipping made me tear up. I work for the star prof in our department, whose husband is also an amazing academic, and they dont' have kids. I've never asked about it, but when I asked her about her opinion of when *I* should have children (I'm 30) she said immediately and as soon as possible. I got the same thing from the tenured prof who just had her second baby (I think she's almost 40), and from the third woman in the department, a new TT prof who just had a child. All of them said DO IT NOW! I would have anyway despite their advice, but I feel like this must be a bit of a revelation...I had no idea the department would be so encouraging of child-bearing. Not just encouraging but downright pushy. 

 

I have no idea how I'm going to handle next year, but I sure hope I can deal with whatever I need to deal with to get through comps and then have a couple free months for me, DH, and baby. The following semester will be my first teaching semester (one section, no prep) and maybe a little coursework, but mostly just research. :fingers crossed: I can hold it all together. 

post #17 of 20

:( 

Screen shot 2011-07-27 at 8.09.03 AM.png

post #18 of 20

I am also 30, had DD at 28, but I never thought I would have kids so "young". I got lucky and met the right guys when I was 22, and by that age I already felt so grown up but there was so much to do: grad school, Fulbright, work experience. I did a lot of living before DD, but I can see with my peers they just aren't ready, and it makes sense. For most people adult life starts when you go to college, for me it was so different, I moved out at 16 then went abroad for a year as an exchange student the same year, I was wild, by the time I was 22 I was ready to settle down, and I did for the most part.

 

As for the career stuff.... here was a recent experience I had, that just turns my stomach every time I think of it. I consult for a start up and the CEO is incredible (this is the company I would like to work for when I am done providing consulting through the non profit). I am working remotely from Barcelona, so a lot of times we have telecons in the afternoon after I already got my daughter, he can hear her running around, demaning to go poo poo on the potty and has been an all around good sport about it, often telling me about his kids and their time living abroad early in his career. He has tried to poach me for my current job numerous times despite having had the toilet fulled in his ear, and sheer chaos on my end. So the story, this was looking for an admin/marketing person for his company. They are a start up so they don't need someone full time, so I suggested looking for a stay at home mom who really wanted to go back to work (i figured who would be more motivated??). He was completely against it, said I don't want someone who has been out of the work force so long (what 2 years, really!!??) I lost a lot of respect for him (though I would still work for him) I just couldn't believe that is someone like him actually thinks that, which tells me that that is probably what most people think :-(. I work on and off and an technically a consultant so I bill my real hours, sometimes I don't work a week a month, it just happens, thank goodness i have a job like that, but because I have a job I still look like I am in the game which is all that matters. 

 

So maybe we need to cover our asses as new moms and make sure that whatever we do looks good on paper, whether it is an online MBA, or starting your own consulting business (who cares if your cousin is your only client).

 

I agree that last bit is really sad, I wish there were more information for young women. I mean we just grow up thinking we can do everything a man can do and there really is no good example of "having it all". I am totally on the second shift, and my husband is great but if it really comes down to it (if the argument turns ugly) the fact the he out earns me always trumps me being overwhelmed/exhausted. 

 

This is a great thread, it feels good to share.

post #19 of 20

I can relate to a bunch of your posts. We're expecting #2 in April 2012, and dd is 2 and 1/2.  my dh has just put in an application for a different job (with the feds) so there's a possible move, and he also put in his application to law school, which will start in sept, all the while he works full time.  i work part time, but it tends to lean more toward 30hrs/wk than 20!  it's a crazy life, but i wouldn't trade it for anything. 

post #20 of 20

My husband and I are both in the military, and already I'm feeling so tired and sick all of the time, I'm not sure how we'll manage!  My parents are in town for visit, and have been so helpful with taking care of our 2 year old, so I can take naps and rest up.  DH and I both travel quite a bit in our jobs (something that we never had to do when DD was a baby), so we'll see.  I have been contemplating quitting soon before the baby is due though.  I love what I do, but there are a lot of sacrifices we'd have to make, especially with both of us having the possibility of deploying.  I think if I were to stay home, DH could focus on his career and I can provide some stability in our home life.  We'll see though, it's a big decision! 

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