Help me foster better sleep habits!

[porcelina]

I am posting this here instead of in the nighttime parenting forum because I am looking for an overall approach to our day/night and not just nighttime schedules, etc.

DS's sleep habits are a MESS! He is 3.5, and right between needing and not needing a nap. It is such a hard transition. We just got back from a 10 day vacation where he was with his cousins who stay up all hours of the night (I'm talking 2.5 year olds up with their parents until 1 am, for example). He felt he was missing out by going to bed, and did everything in his power to push himself to stay awake. He slept the absolute minimum, and only when he crashed. He of course had behavioral issues many days as a result. He would sometimes go down at 8, and some days up to about 10 pm.

Well, now we are back and I am trying to get back into a routine. It is particularly hard as he is so resistant to the nap, which, although I think he needs now to get his sleep restored, I don't think he needs on a normal day (simply because his total sleep time is less with a nap than without). He is constantly saying he is not tired and does not want to go to sleep (often right before passing out). His sleep times are all over the place. He has always varied a lot -- but normal for him (before this vacation) is sleep time 8:30, wake time about 6:30, and nap from 1:15 - 2:15 or 2:30. On days without naps, he went down around 7:30. On days with naps (i.e., later bedtime), he would often wake earlier.

Since back from vacation, he has gone down at 9, at 7, at 8, and is all over the place. Twice he has waken at 4 am and not been able to get back to sleep until 6:30 am, then slept for 1-2 hours. He is clearly still sleep deprived (back not quite a week from the trip).

So, my question is, how do I foster a positive relationship/attitude about sleep? I have always sat with him until he falls asleep, so there is not the separation fear. I have read sleepless in America, and I guess a couple of things we could do are to have more physical activity and more regularity in the schedule. However, I really just want to be able to turn a corner and have him feel more positively about sleep. Is there any way to get the message through? He sortof seems to be starting to understand that he's cranky because he's tired, but the connection seems to be hard to comprehend. Are there any reinforcement techniques I could/should try? Rules about staying in bed? Being quiet? He's usually cranky by bedtime these days, so it's a bit challenging.

[transylvania_mom]

When we transitioned ds to his own bed he was a little bit over 3. What helped him was bedtime music playing in his room. We also reassured him that our bedroom door was open and he was welcome to join us anytime he wanted. At first he would come to our room at least once a week, but pretty soon he realized it was easier to stay in his own bedroom, than wake up and join us in our room.

HTH

[meemee]

mama you've got to give him time. you are just back a week and that's not enough to settle down to a normal routine. he is acting like a jetlag kid coz he has slept much later. 

it will take him at least a couple of weeks to settle down. it takes ME a couple of weeks to settle down from a 12 hour difference. 

what i did with dd when she needed a nap but was fighting it, i would tell her absolutely no need to take a nap. but u gotta do an activity with me. lay down and read a book. and then just close ur eyes for three mins. not more and after that you can go play. and i meant that. coz if she was wasnt truly tired she'd get up. and sure enough. off to sleep. 

however on the other hand i have purposely kept her awake when its too late to sleep. and given her dinner and packed her to bed early. 

i wouldnt even do the nap at bed coz she'd associate bed with sleep and fight. so i'd make a camp out bed on the carpet in the living room and play pretend camping and resting. 

btw not sure you will get him to feel positively about sleep. dd is almost 9 and she has never since a newborn ever felt positively about sleep. its something she does because she has to. she always feels she is missing out on something. 

but i think ur son is still wired. his internal clock is all out of whack. dd and i travel time zones pretty often and are familiar with jet lag. the shorter the time zone the shorter time it takes. an effect of jet lag is bedtimes all over the place. it will be while he settles down.