first timer wearing thin

[annaconda]

Hi mamas
First timer, Lo is almost 8 weeks old.

I shouldn't complain, we worked hard to get here through tube and finger feeding and supplementation... and Lo feeds every 2-3 hrs during the day. Nights are 1-2 feedings he sleeps in his crib, moved from the cosleeper about 2 wks ago.

I'm just so worn out. Dh is helping me with the early mornings. I do side lying in bed from 7am-10am. As soon as we get up its an endless cycle of feeding and trying to get him to nap. I'm disgusting, I smell like fenugreek... and I'm scared to take any feeding off for fear of my supply. I worked so hard to get here... I give him 2-3 oz of ebf in the clusterfeed at night, and still pump 2-3 times a day on top of all the feeding.

I know some babies nurse every hour and mine doesn't. Thankfully. But I'm just wondering when I'm going to feel human again. I'm in such a rut... I go for walks sometimes but have a foot issue so I can't do that too much. I do babywear sometimes with the moby.

I don't know what I'm asking but I'm just so worn. I'm going back to work in 2 wks, 3 days a week and I have care in place.

How did you all do it? I'm hating having my Lo on me all day. I know I should nurse for longer but I'm counting down to 6 months right now.

[boobs4milk]

Hugs, Anna!  It does get easier.  Ok, sometimes it takes a while, but it does or I wouldn't have 7 kids.  Can you get someone in to help?  A neighbor, relative, friend, hire someone?  It's the little things like a shower that help.  Get someone else to cook or just order take out.  Be kind and good to yourself. 

[Cassaba]

Hi Anna, I remember someone told me "if you can breastfeed for 6 weeks, you can do it for 6 months." Well, 6 weeks came and I still wasn't liking it. I was, like you, counting down to 6 months. Well, my DD is now 7.5 months and I LOVE breastfeeding her. I started to enjoy it around 3 months - it might take you less or it might take you longer. But I do believe it will get better. I have been working and pumping since she was 7 weeks old. I used to dread coming home because I knew I would be spending all my time nursing. There was a time when I thought that exclusively pumping might be more desireable. But now I love to come home and nurse. DD nurses 2-5 times overnight, which can get exhausting, but it is so rewarding. Especially now that she "gets it" and looks at me and knows that I'm her mom and her primary source of nutrition. Her eyes light up when I say "milk?" It is joyful. So hang in there. I suspect that going back to work will add some balance to your life. I am rooting for you!

[annaconda]

Thanks mamas!
I have good days and days where I want to tear my hair out as I deal with the strongest feeling recently, the lack of independence. And of course being stuck under the boppy in 95 degree weather having to pee hahaha.

I want to have more kids but I have so much trouble imagining doing the first 2 months multiple times. I did have a rough go... came down with bells palsy right after my due date, and my face is still partially frozen. Then my umbilical cord was tied in a true knot that cinched during labor and caused an emergency csection, followed by many weeks of supplementation and tube feeding.

Happy to have worked to ebf though!

Things could have been smoother that's for sure. And I know I love kids, I will see how I do with toddlers... its not that I don't love my infant its just hard on our once easy-going marriage and the breastfeeding is a bit cloying to me. I'm going to stick it out. I worked hard to get here. I just do not love breastfeeding right now.