Need some BTDT advice, should I send my young 5 yo DD to K? Decision today!

[coloradomama1]

Did you hold back and regret?

A little background...DD got in (lottery based) to the charter Montessori K for fall, it is from 12:30-3:30 every day.  She is and always has been mature physically and mentally.  Her birthday is early August and I am concerned about sending her as such a young 5 into everyday school, even though it's only for 3 hours.  I am even more concerned about sending her next year as a just turned 6 year old into everyday, all day 1st grade. 

Everyone says only send her if she's ready.  Yes, I believe she's ready now.  She can write many things and she is reading very basic things now.  She is one of those kids that is just mature, knowledgeable about a lot of things and can carry on a conversation with an adult very easily. 

One of my main concerns for holding her back would be her size.  She is very tall and lean with an athletic build.  She towers over her peers and older children we know  (who are small but still) and I don't want being the biggest in the class to hurt her self esteem, KWIM?

FWIW, I teach at an outdoor preschool and she (and my other dd) will be there with me 2 am's per week in addition to another full day or two somewhere else and swim/sports lessons.  If I keep her home, it is my personal goal to make this year as rich and creative and full of adventure as possible.  I really want to enjoy this time with her.  I started school as a young 5 and went to college at 17-I definitely think the older kids are when they go to college or out into the world, the better. 

My intuition says keep her home with me and my other dd and really enjoy this last year all of us together but I don't want her to be bored once she does go to school.  Though my thinking goes, better to be bored and have to skip a grade than be behind and be held back someday.  Since her K is lottery based though, there is a chance we will not get in next year and will have to search for another great school.  This charter is fairly progressive and full of great families that we already know and love. 

Another deciding factor... her father and I have been recently separated and this past year has been tough, things could go either way at this point and the next year could bring a lot of change to our lives, I would rather have her with me as much as possible during that kind of transition.

TIA for reading and voting, I value the opinions from this community!

Edited by coloradomama1 - 7/18/11 at 1:25pm

[Rlin]

I voted for sending her but have you asked her what she would like?

[wookie]

i would send her if she were mine. it sounds like she's ready and it's a half hour every day so you can still have lots of time at home with her. if you feel next year that she's too young for grade 1 either have her repeat this year or work extra with her at home or something. good luck with you decision. fwiw, i have a 5.5yo boy and the girls in her jr. k class are much MUCH more mature than him.

[coloradomama1]

I have and each time she has said she wants one more year with her sister and I.  Not in a clingy way but an endearing way, ya know?  She has NO trouble separating from me and is pretty social-thanks to many years of AP :)

[coloradomama1]

I talked to the school about whether it's my decision or theirs to let her "repeat" K and they gave me the impression that they frown upon it.  Ideally, I would send her 1/2 day this year, full day K when she's 6, grade 1 at 7 yo.

[Linda on the move]

I think she sounds very advanced that that she would be bored to tears as one of the younger kids in her class.

I'd send her.

[Alyantavid]

If she's already reading and writing, I'd send her.  My oldest was reading when he started K and is still pretty far ahead, which means he gets bored in school. 

I do have a 5 year old (June bday) who will be starting this fall as well.  He's also really big for his age and I know if I waited another year, he'd be enormous compared to the other kids.  And he is ready, as it sounds like your daughter is.

[LynnS6]

If she does 2 years of K, and starts grade 1 at age 7, can the school meet her needs since she's most likely going to be academically pretty far ahead of her peers?

It sounds to me like she's ready socially and academically. Emotionally is the only thing. 12:30-3:30 sounds like a perfect K schedule to me, especially for a child who wants more time at home. The other thing is that Montessori is a 3 year cycle, do they start the cycle in K or in 1st?

There's nothing wrogn with keeping her home another year, but it doesn't sound like she needs that. She wants that, which should play a role, but she doesn't NEED that.

[meemee]

she's reading adn writing. she's mature. she says she wants to stay home. 

i would not send her. 

the only reason why i would send her is ONLY for school option. if this is the BEST school i would send her now, if your other choices are not good. 

however please know i base this on the experience of dd who still wants to go back to ps even at starting 4th grade because they did such cool science projects and art projects. she prefers her ps to school. she is gifted and totally disagrees with how school is organised. she just does not get why the focus is on reading and math in elementary and why learning is made so BORING. 

if i had known what i know now, i would have kept dd in her ps/dc one year longer even though she was way beyond ready to do the academics. 

for dd life is not about academics. or at least not the type taught in school. dd goes to school to party. to get to know her teachers and students. she comes home to learn. that is what she told her K teacher when asked why she spends choice hour chatting instead of choosing more challenging work - and she still sticks to that philosophy. she wanted 4th grade curriculum to be taught in k, and start the rules of reading and writing in first or second. 

btw mine turned 5 AFTER starting school. she was technically 4 when she started school. she did fine. there was never a doubt that even for a young 5 she was ready for school. 

i think your dd is absolutely ready for school even if she is an young five. however just because she is ready does not mean school is the right thing to do. 

also one more thing. dd went to a short K too. and i regret that too. it was 3 hours of straight focus on academics. if she had been in a full day and had other activities i dont think it would have been that intolerable. we lived through k, 1 and 2nd by missing 2 to 3 days at school most months. 

[K1329]

My dd has a July bday and started K shortly after turning 5. She's now entering 3rd. She's done remarkably well, and, gets straight As with very little effort. I believe that boredom would be a huge issue if she was working a year behind - it's already a minor issue for her, one we resolved working with her teachers last year. Socially, she has a nice bunch of friends and seems on target developmentally. She loves school, for the most part , and I have no regrets sending her as a young 5.
Let us know what you decide!

[quantumleap]

I would send her too. Not that I speak from experience. My oldest is only 2.5. Where we are though, if she enters school/kindergarden when she is "supposed" to, she'll be 4 until her birthday at Christmas. She'll start grade one at 5, and not turn 6 until halfway through the year, etc, etc. DS has almost the exact same birthdate. We can hold them back if we choose, but having a July baby start K in Aug/Sept does not seem that young to me. 

Edited by quantumleap - 7/19/11 at 3:33pm

[MJB]

My middle son started full day K last year. His birthday is in December but he tested in early. He was clearly ready and had a blast! He'll be in 1st grade next month and can't wait for school to start back. He's several grade levels ahead, academically, and is physically on par with the other kids (in running/soccer/monkey bars/etc). The only issues we had in K were when he wasn't being challenged enough, which would be even worse if he was just starting K this year. 

Alternately, I sent my oldest to K (at 5.5) and he wasn't ready. We pulled him out after about 6 weeks, and homeschooled the rest of the year. He went to 1st grade at 6.5 and has been fine ever since. You don't have to keep her there if it doesn't work out. 

[porcelina]

This is a tough one. Yes, she could clearly handle it academically, and it is only 3 hours a day. It sounds like a great introduction to school, but nice that it is not full day. Since it is a good one, she is likely to have a good experience. She will probably enjoy the stimulation, but will still have quite a bit of time with you. Then, the following year, she will probably be ready for the full-day class.

However, there is good reason to keep a child back that just turned 5. Research shows that older kids in their class do better, probably because they have more maturity, etc. After all, a year is a long time at that age! I was a September birthday and missed the cutoff, but that totally worked to my benefit, in my opinion. I really don't think children should enter kindergarten at age 4 at all, as one of the PPs describes! That is why most states have a cutoff of early September.

How about sending her to that kindergarten this year, then re-evaluating what to do next at the end of the year? Are you required to move on from there, or could she attend that environment for another year (if she wants to)? It really sounds like a great opportunity that would be hard to give up. Also, what is her temperament? Does she have difficulty dealing with new situations? Meeting new people, making friends? Do you think entering school will be difficult transition for her socially/emotionally? If so, more reasons to hold off (though at the same time, this could still be a great, low-impact introduction to a longer school day later on).

[NZJMama]

Okay, I'm a bit late here and I just skimmed the other responses, but I am going to disagree with most of the other ladies I think. My son is 6yo and will turn 7 in September. We waited the extra year and I don't regret it for a minute. He will start 1st grade this fall. We will be doing the same with my almost 5yo DS. My DH and I really struggled with the decision and then somebody said to me "when it comes to peer pressure would you prefer your child be the oldest or the youngest in the group?" For me, that was a no-brainer. This advice came from a Mom with four grown children who had waited with hers.  She is also a professional educator. You mention that you are concerned about her size. My son had a kiddo who turned 7 in may in his class with him. He was a good size kid, but fit in fine with the others. The other thing to consider is if she is prepared socially. The third year of ps for my son was a huge boost for him socially. My DS was more than prepared academically for K and I was told many times by his teacher that he was one of her brightest students, but he was never bored. He had a great year and I think that if we had pushed a year earlier it would have been harder on him and he wouldn't have enjoyed school so much. We are also at a charter school. Will the school hold a spot for next year? That's what our school did. We also live in Colorado (metro area) and the trend around here is definitely to red shirt and wait that extra year. I know parents waiting when their kids turn 5 as early as Feb. I was okay with my son being on the younger side, but being the youngest by up to 18 months was a bit intimidating. I guess what I am trying to say is that she may be ready academically right now, but there are several other factors to consider. Good luck with your decision. I know how agonizing it can be and no matter what your decision it will all work out in the end. 

[K1329]

Originally Posted by NZJMama 

Okay, I'm a bit late here and I just skimmed the other responses, but I am going to disagree with most of the other ladies I think. My son is 6yo and will turn 7 in September. We waited the extra year and I don't regret it for a minute. He will start 1st grade this fall. We will be doing the same with my almost 5yo DS. My DH and I really struggled with the decision and then somebody said to me "when it comes to peer pressure would you prefer your child be the oldest or the youngest in the group?" For me, that was a no-brainer. This advice came from a Mom with four grown children who had waited with hers. She is also a professional educator. You mention that you are concerned about her size. My son had a kiddo who turned 7 in may in his class with him. He was a good size kid, but fit in fine with the others. The other thing to consider is if she is prepared socially. The third year of ps for my son was a huge boost for him socially. My DS was more than prepared academically for K and I was told many times by his teacher that he was one of her brightest students, but he was never bored. He had a great year and I think that if we had pushed a year earlier it would have been harder on him and he wouldn't have enjoyed school so much. We are also at a charter school. Will the school hold a spot for next year? That's what our school did. We also live in Colorado (metro area) and the trend around here is definitely to red shirt and wait that extra year. I know parents waiting when their kids turn 5 as early as Feb. I was okay with my son being on the younger side, but being the youngest by up to 18 months was a bit intimidating. I guess what I am trying to say is that she may be ready academically right now, but there are several other factors to consider. Good luck with your decision. I know how agonizing it can be and no matter what your decision it will all work out in the end.

Despite my earlier post, I also agree with this. While my dd was ready & has done well, I would not send my son as a young 5. He is maturing much more slowly than dd, and is not ready. He does have a late birthday & will be entering K at almost 6. It seems to depend on the individual child, IMO. And, I would take community trends into consideration, too.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by K1329 
 It seems to depend on the individual child, IMO. And, I would take community trends into consideration, too.

I agree it depends on the child. I personally wish that rather than cutoff dates, there was a 2 month window and kids were evaluated, with parents being given a recommendation as to whether or not the child should start school or wait year.

My thought to start now was based on what the OP said about her DD. I can't imagine how bored her DD will be in first grade if she takes another year about before starting school.
She's already reading and writing. She doesn't need two more years of life before first grade. 

[KSLaura]

We're also in Colorado, and i haven't noticed this 'red shirt' trend at all.  I know several kiddos who started K as young 5YO's and did just fine.  A couple of them couldn't recite the alphabet or spell their names.  I think a child who is starting to read and write would do really well in school.  We also got a slot at a really good charter school, and I wouldn't want to risk losing it.  The local schools are pretty un-impressive. 
 

Originally Posted by NZJMama 

We also live in Colorado (metro area) and the trend around here is definitely to red shirt and wait that extra year.

[lauren]

Kindergarten is more academic now than it used to be. And her academic level sounds perfect for the way k-garten is now. I would also be concerned about boredom if she waited another year.

You could also start off the year and if it wasn't working out, take her back home and try again next year. But she sounds like a well adjusted, smart child who would do well in the 3 hr program.

I think age is less important than a good head on one's shoulders when it comes to later peer pressure.

[NZJMama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

I agree it depends on the child. I personally wish that rather than cutoff dates, there was a 2 month window and kids were evaluated, with parents being given a recommendation as to whether or not the child should start school or wait year.

My thought to start now was based on what the OP said about her DD. I can't imagine how bored her DD will be in first grade if she takes another year about before starting school.
She's already reading and writing. She doesn't need two more years of life before first grade. 

I wish the schools would just change the cutoff date. It's pretty late here (Oct. 1) and it seems like most teacher reccommend waiting anyway. But in any case, it does depend on the child.

I certainly wouldn't want the OP DD to be bored. As I mentioned that was never an issue with my son even though he could read and write before K. Perhaps she should talk to the school about that. I'm sure this isn't the first bright child with a late summer b-day they've encountered. The K teacher could probably offer some great insight.

Originally Posted by KSLaura 

We're also in Colorado, and i haven't noticed this 'red shirt' trend at all.  I know several kiddos who started K as young 5YO's and did just fine.  A couple of them couldn't recite the alphabet or spell their names.  I think a child who is starting to read and write would do really well in school.  We also got a slot at a really good charter school, and I wouldn't want to risk losing it.  The local schools are pretty un-impressive. 
 

I am certainly not saying that young 5's don't do well or that no one puts their young 5's in K around here. When I was looking into schools for my son and  trying to make our decision the general consensus from private and charter schools was to wait and from public schools the answer varied by school. That was just my personal experience from talking to teachers and other families.

I am so glad that our school gave us the option to wait a year and hold our slot. It would have been an impossible decision if that wasn't the case. Too bad that we have to resort to a lottery to provide our kids with a good education.

[meemee]

here's how i look at it. her dd is advanced. and she will find school boring whether she does k now or later. starting a year earlier is probably not going to make school any less boring. 

look what she is getting in exchange. a secure family time while they go thru so much upheaval. fun time with mom and sis. i think it naturally becomes like homeschooling. perhaps next year depending on the school, she can be assessed for starting 1st if the school allows. 

if i had dd home as opposed to in school for K she would have had much more fun. we'd be doing things we both enjoyed. and then started K at 6.