ok, let's see if I can make this coherent enough that people will actually read it. I am having a hard time. Some people do well with pregnancy, they enjoy it (well most of it), you know those women who glow? I am not one of those people. I was very very sick with my first pregnancy. To the point that I pretty much couldn't get off the couch for 18 weeks. After that I pulled a muscle between my ribs and could hardly sleep for several weeks. I am less sick with this pregnancy which is good because I have a daughter who is turning two next week to take care of. I still feel pretty horrible. Not as sick but everything hurts! My back hurts, my pelvis hurts, my uterus hurts, not cramps or braxton hicks it just aches. I have had round ligament pain and sciatic nerve pain already. I didn't even know that was possible this early in pregnancy. I would love to go to the chiropractor but we just don't have the money for it.
More than any of those things though I am lonely. One of my goals this pregnancy has been to not complain (very much) since all I did last time was whine (even though it was pretty deserved). We moved to a new city about 6 months ago and I don't have very many friends here. I get sad really easily and since I have gotten pregnant I have become a total worry wart :( I'm worried something will happen to my baby or my daughter. I'm worried that my husband won't come home from work one day because of a car accident or something. Things that I have no control over. I also have been feeling VERY guilty about not being able to take my daughter to the park or do other fun things with her that we used to do. She asks me every day if mommy is sick. I almost always have to say yes. She has been acting out a little bit I am sure because I don't have the ability to give her the attention she is used to. I also feel guilty about not being able to take care of the house or cook for my husband. He has to pick up so much of the slack and I just feel bad about it.
I am also kind of panicking about having two kids. How will I get them both in their car seats when we have to go somewhere? How will I ever leave my house! It is hard enough for me with one. I guess I am a huge wimp but I don't know what to do about it.