New to homebirthing and exploring my options

[barbpretel]

Hey everyone, 

I was referred to this forum by fellow hypno-moms. I am currently living in Brazil and expecting my 3rd child (3rd girl). I am very excited about having another baby in the home. With that said, I am terrified of birthing in this country. It is the highest c-section rate in the world (80% +) and if you end up having a vaginal delivery, it's full of interventions (episiotomies, epidurals, pitocin, they also give you an enema so you don't end up pooping/peeing while in labor or during delivery, and also shave all pubic hair as soon as you get to the hospital, they take your baby for hours to nursery, cut the cord as soon as baby arrives, and take the baby from you as soon as it's born ). They also don't follow a birth plan, all they do is follow the hospital protocol. I have heard so many horror stories from women that felt utterly disrespected during labor and I did not want to be another one.

You CAN get a gentler birth by hiring what they call a "humanized doctor" which doesn't translate very well, but essentially means a doc that believes c-sections are the exception instead of the rule. Needless to say insurance doesn't cover them and they are EXPENSIVE.

With that said, I had a miscarriage before this pregnancy at 10 weeks. It was devastating. I had done an ultrasound 2 weeks prior and I heard the heartbeat, and saw my beautiful baby. Needless to say I am terrified of something going wrong this time around. Hypnobabies is all about drawing the positive, envisioning how you want your birth to be. But I know that I need to be prepared and informed about all my options too so I can have the peace of mind to envision the birth I want. I would never forgive myself if something happened to this baby. It would be too much for me ( I think for any mother)

So do you see where I am coming from? If I ever dare to talk about this to any doctor they will call me flat out crazy, not that I care what they think of me, but if something went wrong I would probably wonder  "what if I had birthed in a hospital? would I have prevented this?". I did find a midwife and I have my first appointment with her on thursday. I will discuss all my questions with her too.

All I know is that I need to be at peace to make this decision. My other pregnancies went very smoothly. And actually my last one was quite fast (2 1/2 hours from when contractions were regular until I delivered my baby girl in one big push). 

I just want to hear stories, opinions, how you came to your decision and anything you can tell me. I am not afraid of information :)

Thanks again!

Barb

[motherhendoula]

You know - someone JUST today forwarded me this link...maybe it will help you narrow down your options:  http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/whyhomebirth.asp

scroll down and there are 10 questions to ask a midwife - im sure after your appt Thursday you will start to feel a bit calmer about choosing HB (- if you do)  

[lunarlady]

In your situation I would most certainly do a home birth. It sounds like your chances for a natural, intervention free birth in your city are very small if you go to a hospital. Routine c/s is sad, can be dangerous for both mother and child, and I am sure something you would like to avoid. A good midwife is an excellent option, and should be able to handle all but the most severe situations in your home. Most of the severe situations do have warning signs, which your MW should recognize, and then you can transfer to hospital for c/s or other treatment needed. The one thing to be clear on is knowing when your MW will transfer care, and making sure her transfer protocols are well within your comfort zone.

[Arete]

Yikes, if I were you I would fight tooth and nail for that homebirth.  The hospital routine sounds like something from a horror movie.  It seems very likely (though of course not certain) that your birth will go smoothly, since you have no history of problems (right?), but that dehumanizing treatment and separation from your baby (that is SO traumatic for the little babe, esp. when there is no medical need whatsoever)--shudder!  I suppose this is a silly question, but is it locked down that you will be in that country for the birth?  It sounds positively dangerous...

[barbpretel]

Thanks for the article "motherhendoula" I sure appreciated and learned a lot from it...

Lunarlady those are good advices too. I will let you all know how my appointment will go tomorrow so you can tell me what you think about the midwife since most of you have had a homebirth and are firm believers in it.

Arete, unfortunately I am from here and so is my husband, so for now, we have to stay. We are trying to get out as soon as possible, and I wish I could run back to my midwife back in Rexburg-Idaho and have this little girl with her. I trusted her so much. I wish I had that choice.

Regarding myself I think I would do fine with a homebirth and the treatment the baby will get I know it will be gentle and the best way for her to enter the world. I am just so scared of medical problems. As I said before I had a miscarriage and I keep thinking I can lose this baby any minute. I am not taking this pregnancy of any pregnancy for granted anymore. What if the umbilical cord is too thin and there's lack of oxygen for the baby? I have read some things that are unlikely, but I keep thinking, what if those things happened to me? and that's when I start getting freaked out!!!

I fear for the baby, not for myself, as I know most problems that can occur with me are very rare, and would be detectable. So far I am doing great. But how about my girl? they are so fragile when they are born, it's such a miracle that I get to experience this, I am afraid to spoil it....anyone has had the same fears?

:) thanks again!!!!

[lunarlady]

I lived with those same fears throughout my last pregnancy. I think they are very normal after a loss. But the in my case my fears were groundless. My little one was totally great at birth, it was I who required emergency transfer to hospital for severe bleeding and a retained placenta. Consider what conditions, exactly, you are afraid of encountering at the birth and ask your MW how they would deal with each. For example you might ask "what if baby isn't breathing?" "For what symptoms will you transfer me and/or baby to a hospital?". "what emergencies have you handled and how did they turn out?"

I'm curious to see how your MW appointment goes. Keep us posted!

[barbpretel]

I went to my appointment this morning and it was GREAT! I loved it and felt really paranoid. I asked her SO MANY QUESTIONS that I have been reading up on and all the studies I could get my hands on for the past week. I felt really really good with her. And she made me see something I was missing before. I asked her if she thought I was a good candidate for home birth and she said physically for sure, but emotionally I better not make that decision yet. I explained I felt paranoid because all I've been doing the entire pregnancy is test after test and ultrasound after ultrasound. The doc says "oh she's a little small" sends me for another ultrasound 3 weeks later, the baby is fine and growing fine and then 3 later another ultrasound and the baby is a bit small for what he expected and the roller coaster continues. I decided it was enough for me emotionally and left. They were treating my pregnancy like there MUST be something wrong with me attitude. She said "well, that definitely took a toll on ya, because I can feel how stressed you are, by the questions you asked". When she said that it was like she took a huge weight from me. I realized that I had never had a problem before and my pregnancies have been great, so why start freaking out because of something I don't know if it will happen? If I am taking care of myself and doing my best to prepare and if everything keeps going the way it is going, then I shouldn't worry, like I didn't when I had my pre natal consultations in the USA. I felt AWESOME when I realized that.

She says homebirthing can never be a decision based on how much it will cost (because it IS cheaper for us and we started considering it because of the price). It has to be something you believe in and you feel good about. She also said that if money is my problem and I would feel safer in a hospital, she has a REALLY good doc that can deliver at a hospital and will follow my birth plan and will not cost much more than her. Maybe 500 dollars more. She said I need to trust myself, my body and know that it will do what it needs to be done when the time comes, especially because I never had a problem before. She also said I need to trust her enough to judge that I am healthy when she's working with me, she says that's what she does, she deals with healthy women, and once I am not healthy or show a sign that I may need something she would not hesitate for a minute to take me to the hospital (she says she needs to be able to sleep at night). Of course she encouraged me to read and ask questions, but she said that she will not treat me like I have a problem and consults with her will be a lot more relaxing. What I liked about her was that she never deviated from the questions, she answered them right away and was very truthful (even when the answer was: "if your baby had that she would die", or "there's nothing to be done when that happens" kinda thing, you know? See how I took questions into the extreme?)

In the end she measured my belly, checked my pressure, weight and listened to the baby ( I could hear that sweet heatbeat all day long and I was so happy and serene that I even cried when I heard the heartbeat). We talked for a while and I felt like I was another person as I walked out of her office. She said "wait it out and think about it, meanwhile we will do our consults and in 10 weeks we will talk about birthing at home again" (I am 22 weeks now). 

If everything keeps working out the way it is right now I am going for a homebirth. I have to get used to the idea, because before this pregnancy with my other two daughters, it was never something I considered, so I have to mature the idea. But I am pretty sure that's what we will do :) I am SO EXCITED!!!As I read more and more I feel like it is such a gentle start for my baby!

So what do you think about her?

Barb

[lunarlady]

She sounds ideal! I hope you get to birth with her. If you have any doubts, I would get the name of the doctor she recommends and start seeing him instead of the person you are seeing now that is so paranoid and making you nervous. But if you can, I would stay home with an awesome midwife. Good luck and I'm so happy you have found someone who can help you relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.